My, Juniper (40, female), fiancé Antonio (45 male) has a narcissistic ex wife, Marie. Ever since Antonio and I started dating, Marie has been sending him messages, that are attention seeking and meant to remind him of her. Messages that I feel are inappropriate. These messages will include photos of her and him together, reminders of when they met, when they first started dating and how long they would have been married. Telling him love you, xoxo.
Most recently Marie has sued him for old copays and medical expenses that she never told him about. Her lies have strained his relationship with his teenage daughter, she barely speaks to him even though he continues to reach out to her. His adult son has told my fiancé that the ex does not like me and has it out for me.
Marie takes pictures with my fiancé at the school events and then posts them on her social media.
She has recently become single from a 8+ year old relationship and now she messages my fiancé about anything that she thinks of.
I have spoken to my fiancé (no yelling or mean words, just honest feelings from me), about how I feel about the messages. Multiple times. I have tried telling him that, I don’t think I could deal with her for the rest of my life. I hate the drama she creates around us, and with us. No matter what I say or do, I cannot get him to set boundaries with her. He wont do it. I think he is scared of her. I wish he could see the game she is playing with him and the disrespect to our relationship.
He has now begun to lie and try to cover up that he is messaging her. He deletes conversations, tells me lies on how he spoke to her about stopping the inappropriate messages. It never happened.
We use to be able to laugh at the crazy stuff she would send but now he hides it from me.
Am I the AH for wanting him
To create boundaries with her? Not wanting to deal with his narcissistic ex and the nonsense she creates, for the remainder of my life?
Will he ever set boundaries with her? What can I do to convince him to set boundaries with her? Where do I go from here?
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Backup of the post’s body: My, Juniper (40, female), fiancé Antonio (45 male) has a narcissistic ex wife, Marie. Ever since Antonio and I started dating, Marie has been sending him messages, that are attention seeking and meant to remind him of her. Messages that I feel are inappropriate. These messages will include photos of her and him together, reminders of when they met, when they first started dating and how long they would have been married. Telling him love you, xoxo.
Most recently Marie has sued him for old copays and medical expenses that she never told him about. Her lies have strained his relationship with his teenage daughter, she barely speaks to him even though he continues to reach out to her. His adult son has told my fiancé that the ex does not like me and has it out for me.
Marie takes pictures with my fiancé at the school events and then posts them on her social media.
She has recently become single from a 8+ year old relationship and now she messages my fiancé about anything that she thinks of.
I have spoken to my fiancé (no yelling or mean words, just honest feelings from me), about how I feel about the messages. Multiple times. I have tried telling him that, I don’t think I could deal with her for the rest of my life. I hate the drama she creates around us, and with us. No matter what I say or do, I cannot get him to set boundaries with her. He wont do it. I think he is scared of her. I wish he could see the game she is playing with him and the disrespect to our relationship.
He has now begun to lie and try to cover up that he is messaging her. He deletes conversations, tells me lies on how he spoke to her about stopping the inappropriate messages. It never happened.
We use to be able to laugh at the crazy stuff she would send but now he hides it from me.
Am I the AH for wanting him
To create boundaries with her? Not wanting to deal with his narcissistic ex and the nonsense she creates, for the remainder of my life?
Will he ever set boundaries with her? What can I do to convince him to set boundaries with her? Where do I go from here?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
honestly, you don’t need to continue dealing with that at all. you expressed your feelings to your spouse & he’s not taking it seriously. i would advise you to get prepared to leave him.
Because it definitely seems like this “narcissist ex fiancé” has him wrapped around her finger & he scared to actually confront her on this delusional behavior. And she always gonna be apart of his life because he has kids with her sadly, so please don’t give ur self a headache.
-Am I the AH for wanting him To create boundaries with her?-
Not at all.
-I cannot get him to set boundaries with her. He wont do it.-
-He has now begun to lie and try to cover up that he is messaging her. He deletes conversations, tells me lies on how he spoke to her about stopping the inappropriate messages. It never happened.-
This is the biggest issue, not the ex. The ex can do whatever she wants but if your own fiance won’t stop it, and then on top, lies, you can’t really trust him anymore. You need to really ask yourself if you see a future with a person like him, spineless and who comes with a crazy baggage, who won’t stand up for himself or you.