Hi, I’m 22 years old and have never had sex. I’m religious and haven’t always been but I was too young to try anything. I am a virgin, I haven’t done anything sexual with a person. I’m getting married in about a month and I’ll be honest, I’m Im scared.
I’m going to give info in case people ask, yes I am aware I’m marrying young, but I love my fiancé and he loves me. We both have struggled with things in our childhood that made us grow up quicker. I’ve been living on my own since I was 18 and he’s been on his own for about a year now. I know for a fact that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I do not feel pressured into having sex with him, and he has stated so many times that we do not need to do anything. And if I do not ever want to have sex then we don’t need to do it. But the thing is, I do want it. I view sex as super intimate and something out of love and I want to be able to do so. But I’m scared.
I’ve done a lot of research, I’ve read self help books. I’m scared that it’s going to hurt. I’m scared I’m not going to like it. I’m scared he’s not going to enjoy it. And I’m scared because I have really bad body image issues. I’m not skinny and I’ve been made fun off a lot, even by my own mother. She doesn’t like the way I look and has expressed it a lot.
I am reaching out because I have a month out and I still am scared, and I just need advice. Please help me.
Edit:
Thank you all for the encouragement, I’ve been reading all of your comments and some have even made me cry. I appreciate all of the advice that has been given. As for the ones about it not mattering because I’ll get divorced, that’s not at all what I’m worried about. I can’t predict the future, all I know is I’m getting married and I love him, he’s my best friend. Also for the man who commented and probably got the comment deleted asking if I wanted to practice? ew, please go touch some grass.
My mother has been very cruel my entire life. She’s called me fat on many occasions, put me on random diets, and once told me “I’ve noticed you lost weight you look good” after I opened up about my ed. But I’m working on it in therapy, it’s just years of that has really messed me up. I know my fiancé loves me, and he loves the way I look. I just get- anxious.
I do appreciate all the help I’ve received. Thank you all so much.
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Backup of the post’s body: Hi, I’m 22 years old and have never had sex. I’m religious and haven’t always been but I was too young to try anything. I am a virgin, I haven’t done anything sexual with a person. I’m getting married in about a month and I’ll be honest, I’m Im scared.
I’m going to give info in case people ask, yes I am aware I’m marrying young, but I love my fiancé and he loves me. We both have struggled with things in our childhood that made us grow up quicker. I’ve been living on my own since I was 18 and he’s been on his own for about a year now. I know for a fact that he is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I do not feel pressured into having sex with him, and he has stated so many times that we do not need to do anything. And if I do not ever want to have sex then we don’t need to do it. But the thing is, I do want it. I view sex as super intimate and something out of love and I want to be able to do so. But I’m scared.
I’ve done a lot of research, I’ve read self help books. I’m scared that it’s going to hurt. I’m scared I’m not going to like it. I’m scared he’s not going to enjoy it. And I’m scared because I have really bad body image issues. I’m not skinny and I’ve been made fun off a lot, even by my own mother. She doesn’t like the way I look and has expressed it a lot.
I am reaching out because I have a month out and I still am scared, and I just need advice. Please help me.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Look, sex is many different things and it’s definitely not all or nothing. There are many things to try and you can go as slow as you like. There is no obligation to go straight to PIV sex as soon as you get married. Take your time, explore each other’s desires and seek out your own. I can’t finish this post without strongly encouraging you to try at least some things now, before you are committed to a marriage, to see how you feel about exploring all these intimate and vulnerable experiences with your fiance.
This marriage is your first marriage. By the time you are comfortable being a sexual person, engaging in consensual acts, the marriage will be over. You will grow up and in different directions. Being scared of sex and wanting to be married sounds magical- but it’s not. It shows immaturity. And trauma. Are you ready for marriage? Nope. Are you ready for sex? Double nope nope. I hope this part of your life is over quickly. And I hope the rest of your life is wonderful.
Have you masturbated at all? Google “mutual masturbation” and see if that would be a good way for you to start out with him.
The best thing to do is relax. If you two genuinely love and care for each other, then you’ll find a pace that makes you both comfortable. You don’t have to have sex on your wedding night. You guys can explore each other with your hands and mouths, working your way up to PIV. When my wife and i married, she was a virgin and I wasn’t. We didn’t have sex right away, in fact she was so afraid it’d hurt that it took us almost a month and a half to fully consummate our marriage! But, we learned how to pleasure each other until she could fully relax and enjoy herself!
You won’t be so scared on your second or third marriage.
Get the resources by Sheila Wray Gregoire so you can walk through the practicalities together. She has courses that are very good about mutual pleasure and it’s from a religious mindset without being crazy purity culture in a way that makes women lesser. I highly recommend their resources.
I was a virgin when my husband and I married but we’d done some fooling around and also had very honest conversations about how we wanted things to go.
Congratulations for so many things. You’re awesome.
Do yourself a favor, and go talk to an OB/GYN about it. They will reassure you, and give you a lot of good advice.
If the person you’re marrying is a virgin, they will probably have a lot of the same fears, and they may benefit from advice from a medical professional as well.
Having said that, part of the fun of entering marriage as virgins is that you get to explore and learn all of that stuff together. Take it slow, and enjoy the exploration with the person that you love.
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage.
Maybe get Christian counseling or talk to your pastors wife or an elder woman from the church. I pray the Lord bring the right people to counsel you so you can be delivered from fear and past traumas so one day you will be able to enjoy being with your husband in intimacy and have a blessed life together. I applaud you for honoring God by staying virgin. Praying for you 🙏
So, one thing to know is that a lot of preparation beforehand is very important. There’s no need to rush. You can take your time doing all of the things before sex.
Like kissing. Making out. Touching. Exploring each other’s bodies. Just know that for you…. if it hurts when you do finally go for PIV sex, you have rushed things. You need to have good preparation for your vagina. Like preferably an orgasm if possible (but don’t pressure yourself to have one). But you need to be very relaxed and well lubricated. You need to be touched there and if comfortable oral sex. Then, you should be good for a comfortable and pleasurable sexual experience.
And your partner should go slow the first time to make sure you adjust accordingly. And COMMUNICATE! Always check in with each other to make sure you both are ok and that it feels good. What does feel good and what doesn’t feel good!
And none of this needs to happen the same night. You can spread things out. Only do what you’re comfortable doing. Enthusiastic consent.
Ignore everyone who is talking about your next marriages and let’s get you through your wedding night. First of sex isn’t going to happen on your wedding night. You’re both going to be exhausted and crawl into bed and go to sleep. Ok so that’s the wedding night. After is another story. Don’t push sex because you’re married. You’ll get hot and heavy one night and try to have sex. Its going to be awkward and embarrassing for both parties. He won’t be able to find the hole or you’ll knock heads or the dog will sniff you during the moment. It happens. You laugh and try again another time. Please use lube on your first go around. Use a condom if your not on birth control. You’re married not a baby factory. You do not need to have sex to only have children. You two need to spend time exploring what the other person likes and doesn’t like. And for the love of everything if he won’t go down on you and give you oral. You stop giving blow jobs. That simple.
Get on birth control.
First off, please don’t feel alone in this. A lot of young women feel this way.
Secondly, discuss it with your partner. Take things slow. Do not put pressure on yourself to have sex on the night of the wedding as that day can already be stressful. The night you do, perhaps have a glass of wine first. It will be ok.
I really think it’s good to remember that sex is one of those things you can fail at and it can still be good. There’s also no such thing as perfect sex, so perfection is never the goal. Communication and openness are key. If you’re afraid, it’s ok to say you’re afraid. If it hurts, stop. If it feels good, do more. I won’t go into the technical aspects because there’s lot of references for that. Just know you won’t get it right the first time, and don’t listen to people who tell you to just relax because no one can ever just relax.
Don’t expect it to be this OMG type of moment. It’s okay if it takes a while to get there. Sex has a big learning curve to it that most people don’t talk about. You’re learning something new about your own body AND your partners. My husband and I have been together for coming up of 7 years and we had terrible sex for the first few months.
The biggest thing is, NEVER lie and please communicate. Don’t think because your husband put it this grand effort and feels really great at the end that you have to lie and say you do too. Be honest, ask to try different things. And remember, sex shouldn’t hurt. A lot of women find out they have things like pcos and endometriosis after they start having sex. So be aware of your body, ask to stop if you’re feel uncomfortable in anyway, and most importantly, ENJOY!
Go in with love and compassion for each other. A sense of humor and an appreciation for the ridiculousness of sex will help too!
Im not going to lie. The first few times will probably be awkward and uncomfortable in many ways. But work together, learn together and communicate, no matter how weird it is (and it will be), talk to each other, say what you like, and what you dont. It will take time, and if you dont get it right the first time, just remember, practice makes perfect, so keep trying!
Can you get yourself some toys and experience some pleasure on yourself before your wedding night?
At least then you can get some practice in on yourself and see what you like and don’t like?
At least you may not be in for a huge shock.
Also get comfy in you. Sit in your room naked, sleep naked, look at yourself naked. See what you like in yourself and get some confidence.
You’ll feel better.
You’re very young. I don’t point this out because you’re getting married. I point it out because EVERYONE is insecure at that age about anything. As someone almost 2 decades older than you and not thin, I PROMISE most of your insecurities are stemming from your age and still coming into your own self. You will look back and realize how much you’ve grown since then. You and your fiancé are in love. He LOVES you and you should feel safe and secure with him if you’re marrying him. With that being said I know it’s all still scary. It’s a big step! It will likely hurt the first time but if you can handle a bad period you’ll be fine. Take it slow, go at your own pace and COMMUNICATE. Share when something feels good. Share when something doesn’t. Even share if it’s neither and is just kind of neutral. Another commenter recommended doing SOME things beforehand and I agree with that advice. Not to push you too soon but to practice and experience how you two will communicate and navigate when it IS time. Good luck and congratulations!
With love and trust on both sides, it will be fine as long as you don’t rush things. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to be timid. It’s okay to be insecure. Just be open, don’t rush, and don’t force things. it’s quite common for first times to be unremarkable, so don’t worry if that happens. If you’re making love and not simply having sex, you’ll be fine.
If you and your husband love each other I suggest you both agree to just use the wedding to give you permission to act like normal horny teenagers. Make out, be naked, get each other turned on to the point of frustration. Take a couple weeks or more to go from zero to 100. Get to know each other’s bodies.
Get some good lube (not KY) Astroglide used to be good. Ask the internet.
And I promise your young healthy body is beautiful enough.
The one thing I would encourage more than anything is have a thoughtful conversation with your husband to be and tell him all your fears. If you share them together, it will be less scary. It’s scary the first time for anyone. But you love each other, you will make it work and it will be wonderful, maybe not the first time but eventually. Your husband will love your body, try not to obsess about your so-called flaws. Get some beautiful pajamas (négligées might be too much for you at this point) and remember that making love with your husband is a beautiful expression of your love of each other. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It takes time to learn each other’s bodies and what you like and don’t like. Just try to be patient and ask him to be patient with you. It’s going to be ok, I promise (I’ve been with my husband since I was 18, he was 22. We’re 60 & 64 now).
Foreplay is key OP. You and your partner should spend plenty of time exploring one another and taking your time. You may want to have a discussion with your fiancé about this. Sometimes men can get over excited and want to rush to the PIV stage, and that’s where it can hurt. Make sure he realizes this so that he takes his time. An orgasm (on your end) will help things immensely! The more aroused you are the less uncomfortable it will be. For me it felt like
stretching a muscle, a bit of discomfort but nothing extreme. My partner and I did a lot of build up, so my first time was very enjoyable.
I’m so sorry your mother said those things to you. But if your partner loves you, wants you and finds you beautiful, that’s all that matters. I am also not skinny and have a lot of scars from surgeries and was insecure about my body. But the right person will make you feel loved and cherished. And if he loves you he will have an amazing time.
Also I second what some other people are saying, you do not have to go for PIV immediately on your wedding night. This isn’t the olden days where you need to consummate asap so that Duke can finally get your dowry and no one can question the legitimacy of the marriage. So don’t be embarrassed if you wish to wait. If you’ve been very chaste so far, you may need a longer transition period in order to get comfortable. Hope this helps!
It’s completely natural to be scared and nervous. The good thing about waiting for a person you truly love is that you can take your time. It’s important that he use foreplay to help prep your body.
Get yourself some sexy lingerie!! If you are uncomfortable with your body, this will help.
Underrated tip is to incorporate lube, it helps with comfort and it not hurting. Some women can’t finish from penetration alone and that’s normal and something to be aware of. Using a vibrator during sex can help with that. The thing that helped me the first time I was with my husband was that, I know this person cares about me and wants to be here and doing this with me. He is also being vulnerable and open in this moment.
I think you’d be foolish to marry someone you’ve never lived with, let alone had sex with. Because some imaginary deity says to? Nah, you’re setting yourself up for failure. You should be scared.
First off, good for you for being proactive about your sexual life going forward! I think it’s great that you’re talking this through with your fiancé before anything happens, because sometimes people who are sexually inexperienced just wait for the wedding night and are then like, “okay so what happens next?” Then the build up of pressure to “perform” can be a CRAZY vibe killer.
Suggestions:
Figure out what birth control or family planning you want to use with your partner beforehand. Talk it all out with your medical provider as well, so you fully understand the pros/cons of your options. If your religion doesn’t allow for birth control, you REALLY need to fully understand rhythm method/pull-out method.
Body Image Issues: I wish I could tell you that you can wave a magic wand and they’ll go away forever, but alas, you along with the other eight billion people on this planet have some sort of body image issues that like to stick around. Your partner could say until he’s blue in the face how gorgeous you are, but that little voice in your brain can be vicious and drown out anyone else’s. Just remember: he WANTS you. He has actively chosen to be there in the moment with you. He thinks you are special enough to want to marry you and be with you for the rest of his life. He obviously likes what he sees and is attracted to what you are naturally offering. He wants to move at a pace you’re comfortable with. I don’t know about you, but all that would be a HUGE confidence boost for me in terms of physical intimacy. Now, it’s about not letting the little voice win in the end. Try not to get in your own way of finding true physical happiness with your partner.
I love the advice I’m seeing here of don’t feel pressured to do everything on your actual wedding night. I agree, you’ll be exhausted, etc., so if something happens, that’s great, but it’s also just as valid to wait for fun times the following morning, day, whatever. Guess what? You and your partner get to write your own timeline on this. You also get to make this FUN together. You get to lie in bed all the following day if you want. Or go take a hike and make out in the woods. Or go on a date and just hold hands that night. Or jump on him in the kitchen and pull him down onto the ground. WHATEVER. It’s all valid. It’s all sharing love with each other. That’s pretty awesome, right?
I hope you have a wonderful wedding and start to your marriage. I hope you ENJOY yourselves. Best of luck to you both 🍀❤️
The first time you have sex it might feel uncomfortable but if your then husband is gentle then it likely wont hurt. Also make sure you spend time with yourself and getting to know your body.
I was also a virgin on my wedding night. I was anxious. I let my husband take the lead. It wasn’t spectacular but it wasn’t painful either. Probably because we took it slow.
I did have discomfort the next day. Pack some pain killer just in case.
Maybe research things that will make it more physically comfortable and talk to your fiance before, during and after. Communication is key. Congratulation!
Hi darling, i am religious too, and i assure you when you marry your fiancée, god will give you the peace you need to make love with your then husband. As it will be your first time i recommend foreplay and even oral sex before penetration, so it will not hurt and be pleasurable for both of you. I am so happy you are getting married, i hope everything goes great!
My advice is that the first time you try penetration, you be on top. This allows you to go slowly and control the action.
It’s normal. Go slow, breathe and don’t put pressure on it. You’ll be okay
Heres the thing….there roughly 8 billion people on earth. We were all virgins at some point. Lol. We all experienced your same thoughts. the truth is yes, your first time will probably suck. But then youll realize what you and your spouse like and dont like. Then youll do it more and more. And you’ll get better and better.
As a fat woman who was also a virgin Talk To Your Partner! I know communication is stressed at every turn in relationships but theyre right. There’s nothing that builds intimacy and trust (not even sex) like connecting through shared ideas. So talk!
Follow all that BDSM advice and talk out the ‘scene’ way before anything is going to happen. Even if it was just pure vanilla first time, having a gameplan with my spouse made the first night sooo easy after the initial awkwardness.
Yeah, talk about the unsexy stuff, insecurities, health concerns, potential problems that may come up, equipment (lube, condoms, etc). But follow it up with the sexy stuff! You’re excited about your first night? Talk about that too! What kind of stuff do you want to try? Thought about taking control by being on top for your first time? Drive yourselves wild sharing these ideas. Show him pics of lingerie youd like to wear. Heck, get some smokin hot undies just for yourself!
It’s going to be a little awkward and weird (nevermind trying to actually sleep in a shitty hotel bed with another person) but if you care about each other and your partner has taken time to reassure you, it will quickly turn into a lot of fun.
How old is your fiance?
I think if you are with the right person and in a safe relationship you will be fine. Relax, do not put pressure on yourselves and for God sakes PLEASE DO NOT WATCH PORN. My GOD the amount of people that watch it daily is insane. No wonder people have all these unrealistic expectations during sex! Porn is fantasy and mostly for men. Women need to get out of the heads, stop over thinking everything and connect and just feel. Take your time learn what you both like. When I met my husband I was virgin and it was such a lovely experience. It did not hurt that bad, however we took our time and communicated the entire time. If anything did hurt he would back off right away and do something else and then try again later. You got this. Good luck.
Forget everything you’ve seen in movies or read in self-help books about a perfect first time. Real life isn’t like that. The first time for virgins is often awkward, maybe a little clumsy, and sometimes, yeah, it might involve some discomfort. The goal for your wedding night isn’t to have mind-blowing, acrobatic sex. The goal is to connect intimately with your partner, to explore together, and to be gentle and patient.
i understand you’re scared and that’s totally fine!
first important thing to remember: communication is a must, you have to have a talk with your fiancé about this, about what you’re afraid of, different things to try, do research and see what interests you and what doesnt, the first time might not be the best, since both of you are clueless, but that doesnt mean its going to be awful forever! nothting you do the first is perfect, it takes time, patience and practice. sex isnt complicated, it has to be fun and enjoyable for both parts, you both care for ech other deeply, so i dont think you have much to worry about, and about your body image issues, this one also takes time and patience, and its easier said than done, but i know that from now on, once you start to build a life together with your partner, things will be better.
I was in this exact position many years ago. It actually took a couple of weeks to “get it to work” properly and my mum says it was the same for her but it took her a couple of months. She was actually pregnant with me before they figured it out!
Don’t focus on the having sex part and just explore yourselves and each other. Have some proper lube on hand.
I remember how crazy this would have sounded to me but it will naturally happen before you know it.
It’s more of a pinch/stuck with a needle type of pain the first time (then a little sore afterwards). Not overwhelming at all, maybe hearing that helps?
He loves you, you love him, you don’t need to rush it. Making love with the person you love is a very intimate act and it is OK to work up to it.
In your research, please, please, please do not even think about porn. It is completely unrealistic. Communicating and being loving is what the act should be, not the crazy screaming and thrashing that is in porn. (not saying that once in a while, it can’t get a little crazy, it just shouldn’t be an expectation.)
Start slow and communicate your wants.
completely normal not to have sex on your wedding night. take the pressure off so you can enjoy that special day/night.
spend the days or weeks after getting to know each other, getting used to sleeping next to each other. i’d say if you haven’t bought one, a massaging wand for stimulation on yourself while you relax and lay on your side is the best way to get comfortable . just take your time and go at your own pace with the wand. on the side is much more comfortable for sex. the wand will help you loosen your muscles and get lubricated. i wouldn’t have sex until you can reach climax using the wand on yourself. that way you know you can prepare your body and mind.
I think most of us women are afraid for our first time. For many, sex for the first time doesn’t hurt. Yes, it’s awkward and a learning process, but everything doesn’t need to happen at once.
As others have said, start slowly. Touch each other intimately and not sexually at first. Learn each others bodies without having sex or the pressure of touching intimate areas. Give each other massages, paint each other with pudding, and lick it off. Do things that will connect you both in a way that will lead to a deeper bond between you before taking the next step.
Look into tantric sex. Tantric sex isn’t about the achievement of an orgasm but connecting with yourself and your partner on a more spiritual level.
https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-is-tantric-sex
Just talk with each other and move slow. You have your whole lives together to figure it out and there is zero reason you have to jump right to penetration. Kisses/soft touches with lots of check ins (do you like that? How does that feel? Where do you want my hand?) are the way to start. Religious communities tell girls and women a lot of things that can make this feel huge, but it’s not. It’s just your body and his body and no one else needs to know about anything.
FWIW, I don’t remember it hurting at all.
Please know that you don’t have to have sex on your wedding night. If you’re nervous, have a conversation with your partner and let him know it might take some time for you to get comfortable with these things.
You should never feel forced or coerced into doing anything that you don’t want to do .
Take the time to go slow and learn about each other’s bodies.
There is going to be some pain the first time, but the more time you spend preparing for it, and the more relaxed you are with your partner the better it will be.
You also don’t have to do anything on your wedding night. Alot of people are so tired after their wedding and reception they just go to sleep and wait for the honeymoon. Good luck to you both it is something you can work through together
Hi OP. I can relate to you. I waited until I met my husband to have sex because I wanted to be proactive about my health/body and this is what my morals dictated. I was 23. It’s normal to be nervous. Is your husband also a virgin? As others have stated…assuming you are attracted to your husband, you will naturally want to kiss/make out and be close to him. Your body will literally start to have sensations (if you haven’t already). Don’t jump right to penetration. For most women, that’s not even the good part. Focus on kissing, touching and oral and do what feels natural. You will eventually get to a point where you want the closeness of penetration. Take it SLOW the first time and use a lot of lube. You will get over this hurdle and start to enjoy/crave this time with your husband before you know it. I’m rooting for you!
Buy some K-Y Jelly “glide”. Have it on hand for the crucial moment. Use like a heaping teaspoon amount )(if you need it) and put it on your area and him. Maybe more than once. Have some nice soft dry wash cloths on hand. Be aware there will probably be blood – a lot so… there’s that too. All the best~
Remember that you will have better sex. Sex will become so much more the more often you have it. I’ve only been with my fiance, and he was my first, so im going to tell you that it changes all the time.
Don’t think that the first time will set a precedent for the future. It doesn’t.
Relax.
Remember to have fun and be enthusiastic. Yes, it’s nerve-wracking and kind of awkward, but sex is fun.
We’re human. We all have bodily functions, and stuff happens during sex.
Communication is key. If something feels weird, say it.
The first time is more of a discomfort or pressure than actual pain [in my experience]
Lube is your friend. If you tense up, it’ll make it harder for him to ease in.
Foreplay is Awesome.
Just because it’s your wedding night doesn’t mean you have to have intercourse/penatration. If the two of you have never had any type of intimacy, it might be better to start with just familiarizing yourself with each other.
It might seem juvenile, but if you and your fiance have never made out, grinded, or undressed each other, it might be overwhelming to do it all in one night.
As someone who is plus size and has had body insecurity, wear cute outfits. Find lingerie that makes you feel beautiful, gorgeous, and sexy.
Lingerie really helped me in the way that I could “cover” myself and give him something interesting and colorful to look at that enticed him.
Remember that he loves you.
My advice would be take sex off the table for your wedding night. You’ll be too anxious and overwhelmed from the day and you don’t want your nerves for the night to overshadow it.
Practice makes perfect. Don’t build your expectations around first time or even first 500 times
My wife and I have some friends that were virgins when they were married and decided the night of their wedding would be the night. They told us after they were settled into their hotel they just got in robes and just “flashed” each other really quick at the same time as an ice breaker, then turned the lights down low, got in bed until they were relaxed and let their hands do the talking first until it finally led to the act. No pressure, no time requirement or limit, just their first time together. Nothing but hugs and kisses before that night. They were around 20 at the time.
We’re all in our mid-40’s now and they have four kids and are church goers. I’m only sharing this to give you an example of real people in a similar situation and what they did. Hope it helps some.
If he loves you then don’t be scared. He will absolutely enjoy it. If he’s gentle, it will be a good experience and it will get even better as you continue exploring your sexuality together.
I had sex before marriage with multiple boyfriends but my husband and I decided to wait. And to be honest the first time WAS awkward. Even though we had both had a lot of sex previously..
Go into it with low pressure and low expectations. It takes time and communication when it’s a new thing! Don’t be afraid to speak up if you like or don’t like something. And you can always say you want to stop even if you were previously okay with something
First I just wanted to congratulate you OP i hope you have an amazing wedding and a beautiful healthy marriage. I’m 30F and met my husband when we were in middle school and lost my virginity to him early freshman year and then we split when he moved schools and didn’t see him again until i was 20(married at 27) and we saw others in that time.But i 100% agree with everyone recommending you get on birth control as I’ve heard so many stories of young women getting pregnant their first time having sex and the pill is very effective if you don’t want anything too invasive, I took the pill since i was a teen and am still childless by choice, i also agree with everyone recommending lube and starting slow of course you dont have to jump in the first night maybe just get naked and cuddle in bed and talk about everything you want together and just mentally absorb their body before you do anything physical, if you and your husband are comfortable going in to an adult store in your area the folks that work there are always helpful and informative and 100% non judgemental, my husband and i have a HUSTLER branded store that is awesome and also locally owned ones are always cool. Are you going to update us after the wedding? Someone tag me then pleasee. All the love OP congrats I’m here if you need anything more
Talk with each other, communication is key in every part of a relationship. And it’s alright to take your time, work your way up to it. Also find a good marriage counselor, they aren’t just there for when things are falling apart. I don’t know your religious ideology, but talk to one of your elders or pastor if you can, together.
I’ve never had pain during intercourse. This isn’t the case for everyone, but I do have tips that could help.
Can I recommend a website called Scarleteen? It is a great sex-ed & pleasure resource.
I also recommend remembering that your fiancé loves you. It is not like he doesnt know your body type already. He loves you and wants to be with you and have sex with you for exactly who you are, regardless of what your mother or other people have thought of and said about you.
Also… I think wedding nights are overrated. In the sense that, it doesnt have to be the perfect sexual experience from the get-go (and first times can often be awkward). Enjoy yourself and do only what you feel ready to do. You have your whole life for your sex life to improve and your comfort around your body to blossom.
I think you’ve built this thing up to be terrifying. Just remember people have been doing this since people have been around. It’s normal, it’s natural and it will be just fine for you. You’re in an especially good place with having an understanding partner who cares about you. I promise, you’ll be fine.
If you don’t want to have sex on your wedding night, don’t. It’s that simple… you will eventually want to but let it come naturally.
Nothing to be worried about… everyone over thinks sex. If it hurts, you’ll tell him and adjust and you’ll find positions that work better for you.
Focus on the intimacy of the moment and let nature take its course… if it goes all the way, it will, and if not you’ll still be married, in love and the intimacy will be nice.
Sex is natural and when you’re with the person you love and you’re feeling the moment, it’ll happen organically and naturally and it’ll be great. And as you get to learn each other more and get more comfortable you’ll experiment more, get out of your head more and stop overthinking it.
The reason we overthink is because when you’ve not done something you don’t know what to expect and your body and mind imagine every possible or even not possible scenario. Ignore that. Listen to your body in the moment and communicate with your partner when something feels good, or something feels off, you if there’s something you want to try. Open communication during sex is ✌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻
i’m kind of in the same boat. im dating someone long distance right now and im so scared to meet for this same reason. im 24, so a little older even. you’re totally not alone in this!
be kind to yourself , talk to him and just explore each other and take it as slow as you want its not a race
Your first time might suck. LOTS of people’s first times suck (and sometimes that’s the fun part ;P sorry, bad joke).
The good news is, if you’re marrying the right person (which is sounds like you are) then you’ll support each other through your journey of self discovery and learn how to have a lot of fun!
Also. Sometimes the first time is magical! You’ll never know till you try.
Was also a virgin on my wedding night.
Go very slow.
Take breaks to kiss and cuddle. It will happen when it happens and rushing just causes pain.
Have fun being together.
Honeymoon sex is (should) be the worse sex you ever have – it only gets better with practice. So relax and don’t over hype it to be something it’s not.
Talk with your partner long before the main event so you guys are on the same page. Communication is key.
You got this!
First off, ignore your mother completely because she obviously has brain worms. Secondly, as a 23 year old with no other-person-related sexual experience, I feel uniquely qualified to speak on this. (/half joking)
Thirdly, info: what level of sexual experience does your future husband have?
Sounds like you’ve already got the supportive partner and communication bit down so that’s good.
Next: masturbation. Check out reviews for your local, or not so local, adult stores and see which ones talk about helpful associates. Go to one, and maybe even bring your future husband if that’s in keeping with your religious boundaries. It can be super awkward talking to the sales associates but push through it, they can be super helpful.
If you’re scared of pain, start trying out or experimenting with penetrative toys. A sales associate can help you find the stuff that’s good for beginners.
I would also recommend CBD infused lubricant. CBD is great for muscle relaxation, and if you’re nervous your pelvic floor might get really tight and tense and that’s just really not fun.
If you’re comfortable involving your husband a bit before the wedding, then do so. Go to the store together! I probably would never have gone into an adult store if I hadn’t had my bestie with me, so a trusted companion can be very helpful lol.
I agree with all the stuff saying you don’t have to Do It the night of the wedding, and that it might be a good idea to build up to it. If you get familiar and comfortable with penetrative sex toys, you could always start things off by having your husband use them on you. Similar to that mutual masturbation advice.
I think the big thing is just knowing yourself and what you like. You don’t have to figure it all out, but it can give you a bit of a jumping off point for you and your husband to start figuring out each other’s bodies and what works for you both.
Since you guys are each of your forevers, I wouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself the night of. Because you do have forever. Allow yourself to work your way up to it, learn each other, touch each other, and learn what makes each other feel good. Know thyself and what makes YOU feel good. Show your groom to be what you like (I promise you, hell love the show, and it’ll let you build confidence because he won’t be able to take his eyes off you).
Will it be a little awkward? Yes. But honestly, sex can be awkward. There will be mishaps your entire life and they will become funny inside (pun intended) jokes that you and your groom will laugh about for YEARS. My groom to be and I still laugh about funny shit that happened
I won’t lie. It can hurt, but you should be able to trust your partner to go slow for you so you can breathe and adjust to him. Also: LUBE. Water based. Use ot if you need it or even want it. Its the most underrated bedroom tool that is a thousand percent worth the hype.
For the love of everything, COMMUNICATE. If it doesn’t feel good mentally, emotionally, or (lastly) physically, communicate it. Ask to go slower or full stop. That is all okay. Even in marriage, consent and communication is key.
Psychologically, women’s pleasure is attached to our brain. If your brain doesn’t feel safe, it’ll be difficult to let go. So start with that basic cornerstone of talking and allow yourself to grow from there. Once your body and brain realize that the bedroom with your husband is a safe space and not your mother talking down on you, that is when everything will get a bazillion times better. But that takes time, and you guys have all the time in the world.
Best of luck, cheering for you two and congratulations on finding your person!!!
If someone hasn’t mentioned it yet maybe come up with a safe word with your partner to stop if you or they feel uncomfortable or just don’t want to keep going ! :).
As someone who came from a religious background and a virgin on their wedding day. Read some romance novels. It sort of gave me a positive view on intimacy and gave me some confidence. But that’s what worked for me. I know everyone is different.
I have heard it doesn’t always hurt to lose your virginity. Depends upon the indivual. And how aroused you are. If he gets you extremely excited first and you feel like you want him inside you it will be enjoyable mostly. Find and buy The Book of Kama Sutra. You will not be disappointed. Both of you can read it and look at the illustrations and learn from it. You can learn what to expect.
Find a published modern styled version. The illustrations are better.
There is also a Kama sutra Love oil that is intense. And extremely enjoyable. Their products are a little expensive some of them but worth it.
Original version is best
https://a.co/d/jaEPVYO
Honey dust is amazing and comes with a feather tickler to let your lover apply it onto your skin.
Tastes amazing.
https://a.co/d/4Jk1P3L
Don’t have high expectations. A LOT of people do not enjoy their first time. Especially with the romantic idealization of Wedding Night Sex.
An ex of mine has to give his brand new bride an enema on their wedding night. Their dreams of first time bliss and passion didn’t take place until a day or two later and it seemed like a spot of resentment for both of them through the entire marriage.
Too many couples than I can count have confessed that the wedding night sex didn’t take place because one or both of them were too drunk, too tired, sick, or whatever for it to take place.
Be kind to yourselves and give yourselves permission for sex NOT to happen on the wedding night. If it does happen, great. If not, great. No one is going to know besides the two of you anyways. First time sex can be awkward, messy, uncomfortable, painful, uncoordinated and so many other disappointing things. For the wedding night, just enjoy each other, however that ends up being. Take your time. Or rip each other’s clothes off as soon as you are alone. But most of all, do as much or as little as it feels right for BOTH of you. The wedding night is the first of many nights you will have together.
Wishing you all the best, with the wedding day, the wedding night, and with your first time.