a long post but a crazy one: my (23F) ex boyfriend (23M) and I were together for 4 years. We lived together for a year and a half, we planned our whole life together, shopped for engagement rings, everything. we were saving to buy a house next spring. I won’t deny we had our arguments and fights because we had different views and opinions on many things, but i think it’s good to have someone who challenges you.
In August of last year I went to school for my masters, only 4 hours from his house. an easy drive to say the least. Everything was great until December, right before christmas when he began telling me he was tired of me, i was too controlling and emotional, i made him unhappy and kept him from living, etc. I begged him to just stay and let me fix myself and rekindle the feelings between us that he had lost. From December to the end of april i fought like hell to change my behaviors and get him back because he was my life, my entire world. He was always back and forth, distant one day then all about me the next but regardless I was still fighting for everything. At the beginning of May things came to a head and we broke up because he was so tired of being with me and couldn’t stand that i was controlling and ruining his happiness. for reference, the things i controlled were 1. getting him to stop vaping because he was majorly addicted and 2. keeping him from drinking because alcohol addiction runs deep in his entire family. I did so much for him, i got him into a career when he was broke with a dead end job, i taught him to save money.
I agreed we needed to break up but told him i’d do anything to get another chance, to fix myself and become everything he needed. He never blocked me, we continued talking every single day. For a month I spent 12+ hours a day pouring my heart out over text, begging him to let me show him how much i had changed for him, begging him to not give up on us because i knew in my heart we were meant to be together forever. he was my person. At the beginning of june he finally came around, told me he was interested in repairing things and trying again.
From the day we broke up to just this morning we maintained a sexual relationship over text/snap. sending pictures, him telling me how much he wanted me, jerking off to me and wanting to fuck me. For the first 3 weeks of June I continued to ask to meet in person so we could catch up, show him who i was now, just try and rekindle things and work on emotional repair. He always had some excuse of something going on or that he was too worried about not being able to control himself around me in person and that he would want to have sex too badly.
I just completed 5 weeks of behavioral therapy where i worked on everything he said i did wrong and our relationship and built myself to be what he needed. I just wanted to show him who i was now, that things would be different. This morning he was sexting me as was usual so i knew he was home based on his snapchat. I decided to go there with my notebook from therapy showing all the things i learned and worked on for him, for us. I showed up with my notebook and donuts in hand and texted him i was outside but he didn’t read it so i waited on the porch. 10 minutes later he opened the door… leaving with another girl.
She looked at me and clearly didn’t know who i was and i was in shock. my world broke in that one look. he walked out and i said are you not going to tell her? he said no so i decided to tell her everything that had been going on between us. he freaked the fuck out, went in the house yelling and punching walls and never came back out. Meanwhile, she went straight to attacking me. I told her who i was and she proceeded to say call me a pathetic bitch to be showing up there after we had been broken up for so long. She informed me that they had been together since november… 7 months before we broke up and he told her we broke up in november and he had not talked to me and blocked me since then. I started to tell her everything. I showed her that we didn’t break up until may, proved to her the last time we had sex at the end of april, showed her the texts he sent to me every single day, that he wanted to repair things between us, that the weekend before (her birthday) he was texting me that he found a pair of my underwear and jerked off to the smell and feel of them. I showed her every single thing, everyday of messages and pictures and more and proof that we were very much together until May. She threw her hand in my face with an engagement ring that he had got her in February, while he got me valentine’s day gifts and celebrated with me. She called me pathetic, threatened to burn everything i own and have given him, threatened to kill me, told me she had been living with him since May and that they just bought a house together 3 days ago. I was in shock, i stood there shaking and couldn’t even say anything. I asked her how she didn’t care that he had been cheating on her since literal day 1 of their relationship, told her she didn’t deserve that and asked why she didn’t care. her response was that she’s “psycho and can deal with him”. She continued to call me a pathetic bitch, threatened me some more if i ever showed up at the house again and so much more.
I left and he never came out of the house. Within 30 mins she had got on his phone and blocked me on every single thing and less than 2 hours after all of this they bought tickets to a movie for that night and are pretending it never happened.
I’m truly devastated, i don’t imagine i will survive this. All i can think about is escaping the pain, how easy it would be to just stop feeling at all. I feel so dumb for missing the signs, i feel dumb that i sat through family holidays and he was cheating the whole time. i feel disgusting that i was coming on the weekends and sleeping in a bed that someone else was occupying when i wasn’t there. I feel disgusting that i had sex with someone who was having sex with someone as nasty as her. I can’t bear the pain, i can’t eat, i can’t sleep, i can’t stop crying. I will never love again, i will never trust again, and this life is just not worth living. I don’t understand how he could do this to me after 4 years, after planning our life together. I asked him over and over if there was someone else and he always said no. I don’t understand how for months he let me beg for another chance, do everything to change myself, give me hope of getting back together. It kills me that he is getting away with it pretending nothing ever happened. it kills me I will never get closure or answers or an apology. I know he doesn’t feel bad or he wouldn’t have done it but i truly will never recover from this. my life is over.
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Backup of the post’s body: a long post but a crazy one: my (23F) ex boyfriend (23M) and I were together for 4 years. We lived together for a year and a half, we planned our whole life together, shopped for engagement rings, everything. we were saving to buy a house next spring. I won’t deny we had our arguments and fights because we had different views and opinions on many things, but i think it’s good to have someone who challenges you.
In August of last year I went to school for my masters, only 4 hours from his house. an easy drive to say the least. Everything was great until December, right before christmas when he began telling me he was tired of me, i was too controlling and emotional, i made him unhappy and kept him from living, etc. I begged him to just stay and let me fix myself and rekindle the feelings between us that he had lost. From December to the end of april i fought like hell to change my behaviors and get him back because he was my life, my entire world. He was always back and forth, distant one day then all about me the next but regardless I was still fighting for everything. At the beginning of May things came to a head and we broke up because he was so tired of being with me and couldn’t stand that i was controlling and ruining his happiness. for reference, the things i controlled were 1. getting him to stop vaping because he was majorly addicted and 2. keeping him from drinking because alcohol addiction runs deep in his entire family. I did so much for him, i got him into a career when he was broke with a dead end job, i taught him to save money.
I agreed we needed to break up but told him i’d do anything to get another chance, to fix myself and become everything he needed. He never blocked me, we continued talking every single day. For a month I spent 12+ hours a day pouring my heart out over text, begging him to let me show him how much i had changed for him, begging him to not give up on us because i knew in my heart we were meant to be together forever. he was my person. At the beginning of june he finally came around, told me he was interested in repairing things and trying again.
From the day we broke up to just this morning we maintained a sexual relationship over text/snap. sending pictures, him telling me how much he wanted me, jerking off to me and wanting to fuck me. For the first 3 weeks of June I continued to ask to meet in person so we could catch up, show him who i was now, just try and rekindle things and work on emotional repair. He always had some excuse of something going on or that he was too worried about not being able to control himself around me in person and that he would want to have sex too badly.
I just completed 5 weeks of behavioral therapy where i worked on everything he said i did wrong and our relationship and built myself to be what he needed. I just wanted to show him who i was now, that things would be different. This morning he was sexting me as was usual so i knew he was home based on his snapchat. I decided to go there with my notebook from therapy showing all the things i learned and worked on for him, for us. I showed up with my notebook and donuts in hand and texted him i was outside but he didn’t read it so i waited on the porch. 10 minutes later he opened the door… leaving with another girl.
She looked at me and clearly didn’t know who i was and i was in shock. my world broke in that one look. he walked out and i said are you not going to tell her? he said no so i decided to tell her everything that had been going on between us. he freaked the fuck out, went in the house yelling and punching walls and never came back out. Meanwhile, she went straight to attacking me. I told her who i was and she proceeded to say call me a pathetic bitch to be showing up there after we had been broken up for so long. She informed me that they had been together since november… 7 months before we broke up and he told her we broke up in november and he had not talked to me and blocked me since then. I started to tell her everything. I showed her that we didn’t break up until may, proved to her the last time we had sex at the end of april, showed her the texts he sent to me every single day, that he wanted to repair things between us, that the weekend before (her birthday) he was texting me that he found a pair of my underwear and jerked off to the smell and feel of them. I showed her every single thing, everyday of messages and pictures and more and proof that we were very much together until May. She threw her hand in my face with an engagement ring that he had got her in February, while he got me valentine’s day gifts and celebrated with me. She called me pathetic, threatened to burn everything i own and have given him, threatened to kill me, told me she had been living with him since May and that they just bought a house together 3 days ago. I was in shock, i stood there shaking and couldn’t even say anything. I asked her how she didn’t care that he had been cheating on her since literal day 1 of their relationship, told her she didn’t deserve that and asked why she didn’t care. her response was that she’s “psycho and can deal with him”. She continued to call me a pathetic bitch, threatened me some more if i ever showed up at the house again and so much more.
I left and he never came out of the house. Within 30 mins she had got on his phone and blocked me on every single thing and less than 2 hours after all of this they bought tickets to a movie for that night and are pretending it never happened.
I’m truly devastated, i don’t imagine i will survive this. All i can think about is escaping the pain, how easy it would be to just stop feeling at all. I feel so dumb for missing the signs, i feel dumb that i sat through family holidays and he was cheating the whole time. i feel disgusting that i was coming on the weekends and sleeping in a bed that someone else was occupying when i wasn’t there. I feel disgusting that i had sex with someone who was having sex with someone as nasty as her. I can’t bear the pain, i can’t eat, i can’t sleep, i can’t stop crying. I will never love again, i will never trust again, and this life is just not worth living. I don’t understand how he could do this to me after 4 years, after planning our life together. I asked him over and over if there was someone else and he always said no. I don’t understand how for months he let me beg for another chance, do everything to change myself, give me hope of getting back together. It kills me that he is getting away with it pretending nothing ever happened. it kills me I will never get closure or answers or an apology. I know he doesn’t feel bad or he wouldn’t have done it but i truly will never recover from this. my life is over.
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you’re right, that was long, but so is life, yours is just beginning. The lessons to take from this are you’re perfect the way you are, don’t try to change yourself for other people or to “fix” people to suit you, and the really important thing to learn is when people tell you who they are, believe them the first time.
I’m sorry you’re going thru this. I hope you start to regroup soon and realise this breakup, horrible as it feels right now, is absolutely for your best. I’m guessing you grew up in an emotionally abusive/neglectful family because you probs would not have been in a relationship with this guy if you had loving parents. Keep going to therapy but not to ‘fix’ yourself for someone but to understand your patterns, beliefs etc around relating to other people. I wish you well OP
I was so sad for you reading about how you were trying to change yourself for this loser train wreck of a man. And don’t worry, she f-ed around and she will definitely find out one of these days.
You deserve better. Say it with me! “I deserve better”. She took your trash out for you. Life can be so much brighter and better without that liar dragging you down. Please get some therapy and find a way to move on. Your life is worth so much more than a crappy relationship with a cheater and a liar. You can do this. Onwards and upwards!!
Karma truly has a way. The best thing you can do is try and live your life for YOU. It sounds like you did a lot of work on yourself and that does not go to waste. Now you get the freedom to explore what that means for your life and finding happiness with yourself first. Nobody deserves what you are going through and nothing will ever justify that violation of your trust (and safety). Im so sorry that someone you invested so much time in would think it’s ok to treat you like that. It is time to let him go and start a new chapter. It feels like the end of the world now because you haven’t experienced life without him in some time. You will find your new rhythm with time and patience for yourself. Take some time to sit with your emotions to process and grief, but once that has passed, please never look back. You deserve real love, and what he offered you is not love.
Don’t ever change for someone. If they can’t love YOU as you are they can’t love you.
If you change yourself you become a crooked amalgamation and not only do you never get their love (because there is no person to love, just an artificially created mix), you also lose yourself.
You are right as you are. Find yourself again. Find your passions, interests, dreams and pursue those.
It sucks right now, but spend some time to get to know this lovely person that loved so dearly and tried so hard for another person. Nurture yourself. And don’t look twice at anyone that can neither love you as you are, nor who wants your best.
He’s one of billions. He’s not worth the pain. And the gross woman he’s with? He deserves her.
In the future you might look back at this and be so grateful that she stayed with him, otherwise he would have pursued you in your vulnerable state while keeping you as sex toy until he finds someone else yet again. You’ve dodged a bullet. Nay, you’ve dodged a damn missile.
You shouldve left him months ago when he told you he didnt want you.
Hold on, don’t lose hope, I lost a relationship of six years to cheating and drugs, we were married and had started to build a life together just the two of us, she had an affair and got hooked on meth and the man she was having an affair with she tried to convince him to kill me, I lost everything my faith in life, my faith in love, my faith in people, I lost my joy, my future that we planned together was gone and I had no direction in life. But i kept moving one day at a time and slowly I build myself back up I found new friends a new job and a new town and I found the true love of my life, I am remarried and we have two kids and are coming up on our ten year anniversary, it takes time but you can find happiness again and the happiness you find might find could be greater than you could ever imagine, please don’t give up, I’m rooting for you and I know other will be too
Life is for living, not begging people to be around. He’s a coward and they suck. It may take some time to get over, and you may not be the same as you were before this but you can get through it. I was engaged at 24, had been with him for years. Turns out he was cheating the whole time and everyone knew. I found out by looking at photos on FB the night clubs post while I was away for work. That feeling of betrayal and the rug being swept under your feet is like nothing else.
Wow that was a lot to unpack.
My friend, I was in my 30’s & build an entire life with my ex wife. She was a cheater. She caused us to lose our home because she was a closeted alcoholic, gambler, cocaine addict.
So I can really understand the sense of loss and the sense of someone attacking the very essence of who you are. My ex wife also slandered me to / with her coke dealer fuvk buddy.
I learned from therapy and Al-Anon support groups that we cannot control an addict or make them stop doing drugs. All we can do is focus on ourselves.
That all ended in 2009 for me. I survived. I was contemplating offing myself & I am really thankful I did not hurt myself or anyone else.
I lost my house, my wealth, my pets, my entire world was turned on it’s head. The emotional pain I felt crushed my soul. I cried and cried until nothing came out. I was a mess… but I turned it all around and have reinvented myself in so many great and positive ways. You can, too. You will learn & grow from this. You will recover and be so much more wise, successful, powerful than ever.
You will focus fully on yourself and shit these trashy, toxic, abusive losers from your life and each moment, focus only on your success. You can do it. I don’t know you but you can be my friend & talk to me any time.
Take care of yourself. Take a nice hot shower, go get a massage, eat healthy. Take yoga. I did yoga and karate lessons & learned to play guitar, got my degree so I can do physical therapy for a living & do massage therapy also.
Keep us posted. You can do this!
I know this seems unbearable atm, but trust me, one day it will be a distant memory. You are 23, your life is at the beginning. Learn and grow from this experience, and never let a man shatter your self-worth again. Let those two assholes be miserable together while you surround yourself with honorable, kind, and loving people—people who accept you as you are. You’re going to be okay. <3
I can tell you with 100% certainty that you will be ok. Learn to live for yourself. Feel your feelings. Feel the pain. Embrace the experience. You will be ok. One day you will be so proud of yourself for making it through this.
You can create your own closure.
At least this is what I would say to my younger self when I was in the same boat.
All that work you did is going to make you amazing for the person who deserves you.
And they’re both still breathing??!!??
You’ll get over it babes
I’m sure it’s hard to figure it out while you are still grieving the loss of your relationship, but please believe that you are better off not getting stuck in a toxic relationship with such a bad person. What he did is a reflection of his character not yours. I know you feel stupid for believing in his lies but thankfully you escaped (imagine if you had actually married him and had a family and couldn’t just leave.)
You don’t need reasons. You don’t need an apology. He’s a liar and a user and he will just give you all sorts of nonsense. Normal people will just break up and not lead you on. He already wasted your time, don’t give him more. Give yourself a good cry and live better off without him.
Sweetie, you DO NOT have to set yourself on fire, to keep someone else warm. Your free now, true love will find you someday, I promise.
You need to work on you for you, not to be something someone else wants. Take a break from dating, give up on this guy, he’s no prize. Figure out who you are and who you want to be and find the guy who likes that.
Your life is not over. You are not broken beyond repair. You are not pathetic and you are not worthless. You loved deeply, gave your heart to him and tried to save something that in the end, didn’t last. I’m so sorry.
Hes a fucking coward, hes manipulative, he’s cruel. What you’re feeling is valid.
Spend time with friends or family, try not to be alone.
That loop in your mind “How could he? Why didn’t I see it? I’m disgusting” is your brain trying to make sense of trauma. Remind yourself – his actions are not a reflection of my worth.
Don’t seek closure from him – he won’t give it. You already saw who he is. Anything he says now will only hurt you more.
You did 5 weeks of hard emotional work. You’re stronger than you feel right now. Therapy is going to be your savior again, but this time its not for him, its for you.
This chapter of your life is filled with pain, but it is not the end of your story.
You matter. You are loved. You are still here and that means there is still a future for you.
Why did you ask her about not deserving the way he’s treating her ? Girl, why are you not asking yourself the same question? YOU deserve better. This is going to suck for a long time, but it will get better. Keep going to counseling… do it to better yourself…. not to better yourself for him. He is a pos and doesn’t deserve someone with a heart as big as yours.
Edited typos.
Fate has saved you from a lifetime of hardship. Once you have healed you will see that. Your ex and his new girlfriend seem to deserve each other in the worst way imaginable. One day you’ll count your blessings.
This has been a one sided relationship for awhile. You are borderline obsessive. And if he can’t accept you for you, the relationship was not going anywhere. Cut your losses and leave him for good
You’re 23. It feels like this is the end of the world and the worst thing ever, but in 10 years you’ll be looking back on this and cringing at yourself and thanking God you never married this loser.
Learn from this. Don’t ever waste your time and energy on a man who is hot and cold with you. Don’t ever beg and don’t ever chase. It’s pathetic and undignified. Work on your self esteem and self worth before you think about dating again.
You had a lucky escape but I’m afraid that only time will show you this.
Please don’t give up on yourself, or your life.
Ah to be in your 20’s. I know the feeling. It feels like you’ll never recover. My first real serious boyfriend dumped me after 4 years together too. I was 25. He was 24. We had been together since we were 20 & 19 respectively. He told me he loved me at this fountain in nyc. When he dumped me he proposed to the girl he cheated on me with at the same fountain! I was crushed. I felt i would never get back my life or recover. Flash forward i’m 44. Been married for 10 years and my husband is the best man i ever met! My 20’s are a distant memory now. Time is the ultimate healer. You’re better off. And one day this will all be a distant memory. Best of luck. You’ll get through it!
You are lucky that you got out of this abusive relationship.He is not worthy of you.It hurts now but this is better than finding out much later.He is a low life.Be strong .You deserve better .
holy shit … why would you talk about your life being over b/c a douche bag cheated on you? i get it, you loved him and you spent a lot of time and energy on him, but you are much better than that and deserve better. everybody deserves to find the person they’re meant to be with, this kid wasn’t for you.
i hope you can find the confidence and self-love to move on from this and learn. he’s a piece of shit and you deserver better
How did you know they bought movie tkts 2 hours after the confrontation?
He’s a liar and a loser, baby. He’s been cheating on you, probably the whole time. Get an STI test now and again in 3-6 months.
I know this heartbreak feels unbearable right now, and it’s okay to grieve what you thought your future would look like. But please hear this: the man you thought you knew never truly existed. He showed you who he really is — a liar, a cheater, and someone who never deserved the love and loyalty you gave him. As painful as it is, he did you the biggest favor by revealing that now instead of later. You didn’t marry him. You didn’t have children with him. You’re free. And that is a blessing in disguise.
The girl he’s with now? She’s not your problem. They deserve each other. What you deserve is so much more — honesty, love, respect, and someone who chooses you every single day. You are young, and your future is still wide open and beautiful. One day, you’ll look back on this moment and thank God for it, because it cleared the path for something real and meaningful to find you.
You are not broken. You are becoming. And the love that’s meant for you will never come through lies or betrayal — it will come with truth, peace, and joy.
I have time on my side. You will see one day that this is true. I wish you the best.
“For a month I spent 12+ hours a day pouring my heart out over text.” This part is the most unbelievable part of a truly unbelievable story. If even half is true, this girl is straight up nuts!
how do you know they bought tickets to a movie two hours later?
I went through something similar in my early twenties. My ex was emotionally and verbally abusive and I had trauma bonded to her. When we broke up I went off the deep end. I felt like my life was over. I felt like I couldn’t live without her and there was no point in living if I wasn’t with her. I remember crying to my mom one night that I felt like an addict. I was addicted to her and she had cut me off cold turkey. The withdrawal was unbearable. It was one of the worst things I’ve ever gone through, but I got through it. Right now this feels like the end of your world, but I promise it isn’t.
Someday someone is going to come into your life and make you realize that this guy never loved you the way you deserve to be loved. Right now it hurts and it’s going to hurt and I’ll be honest it’ll probably hurt for a while. But slowly the pain will lessen and you’ll find yourself growing stronger and becoming more yourself than you’ve been in years.
Life is hard and break ups suck, but I promise your life isn’t over. Stay strong.
Your so young OP. Fuck him and don’t look back foreal. Nothing was ever wrong with you to begin with.
You will make it, every day at a time. You will and can do it. You will find another man who deserves you and live your life with someone else.
Best of luck
I have a feeling you like changing bad boys , some bad boys will always be bad boys and you can’t change them all
First of all you both have trauma.
Second, you both needed therapy.
Third, you should’ve just walked away, trying to convince someone else will never work.
Fourth, it will get better, now the real healing starts.
Fifth, I promise if you leave his ass alone completely, he will come crawling back in some sort of fashion.
God bless you, these are our angels and tribunals set before us. This past end year and this year is ALL about our shortcomings. People’s lies. Facing our shadows and becoming better people. Fight for it, I promise God/higher powers are watching you because he/they have been watching me this year and I have proof. Start praying every night. Show up when you should. Learn about manifesting. Stand your ground patiently, loving things unconditionally, and stand for what is right in the world. Don’t have resentment, hate, and don’t try to control other people. Focus on you and you alone. The good things will show up and the best things will come. <3
If you ever need to talk, talk to your therapist or you can reach out to me or others. I will happily listen and use all the knowledge I’ve acquired since “my” falling out of this year. It’s a rollercoaster of new lessons and higher powers being shown and involved.
2025 this is the year for change, greatness, and new beginnings. Keep your head up and I’m here for anyone. 🙂
11 years. Marriage. Struggles. All ended.
We both moved on, because life doesn’t just stop because people grow apart or split up.
You are young and I know it hurts like hell now but it will get better. You ex is a typical narcissist who projected his inadequacies on you. You dodged a bullet. You may not see it now but you will soon. Hugs
I felt the same way when my marriage ended, it was beyond painful. Fast forward 5 years, I have two beautiful babies with a man who adores me.
I promise it will hurt less and less. You’re strong, you got this. Your happiness is coming.
You got closure, he showed you exactly who he is. Now be better for yourself, not some self involved boy.
Why exactly are you so broken up about a piece of trash who abused you? He lied to you, he is lying to her. You need to do better for yourself.
Girl I was in almost the exact same boat.
If you’re willing to read my long ass post, you might be able to relate and have some hope.
My ex was an alcoholic and extreme smoker. He did everything but lay a hand on me. He cheated on me, threw things at me, punches my car, walls, yelled and got in my face and then would tell me to STFU when I would cry. Was extremely insecure and made me stop talking to so many people. He still had nudes of his exes and was talking to people behind my back.
This guy was like the guy version of me. My best friend. We had so much in common and so many great memories. His kids grew on me and loved me. I did so much for him. Added him into my car insurance, paid for all his food. Bought his kids things… I thought maybe I wasn’t doing enough.
I took everything personally and kept thinking maybe if I wasn’t so sensitive or maybe if I was more open to letting him be drunk all the time, he would stay. We broke up and I felt like my world was crashing down.
He would still call me drunk to go pick him and his friends up and I’d help take his car home because he was too drunk. He would immediately start getting dark and telling me he couldn’t live without me and was so sorry for everything he did to hurt me. Then he would get abusive and threaten to off himself when I would tell him to get out of my car because we had gotten to his place already (he wanted to come home with me).
He tried to stop drinking and we continued our sexual relationship and agreed to try to fix things. We were exclusive and working towards a relationship… So I thought. He was talking to other girls still and having sex with them.
When I finally cut him off, a few months later he showed up at my house in the middle of the night on my balcony. He was drunk and begging me for another chance. I told him we would talk another day when he was sober.
I told him if he was willing to stay sober (I didn’t want him to end up like his alcoholic dad), I was willing to be his friend and support him on his path to sobriety. I was willing to see if he was serious about growth and maybe after a year minimum, I saw he was keeping his word, we could talk about possibly trying again.
We were doing this for about a month. And he was keeping his word. But one day, a fine ass man started asking about me at work. I told him straight up about the situation and he respected that.
Well something in my gut told me to take the chance. So I did. I let the guy know I was going to cut off all communication with my ex and was willing to see where things went.
When I cut things off, this guy couldn’t take no for an answer. He went off the rails and became an even worse alcoholic. He lost his job, his car got repossessed and the girls he tried to date after me left him as soon as those red flags came up.
Moral of the story: do not ignore those initial red flags, sometimes it really isn’t you- it’s them. Nothing you do differently will make them be loyal. You are also responsible for continuing the relationship/situationship. The right person will come along and make you feel so safe and loved and truly respected that it’ll make you cry thinking about how you let someone treat you so bad.
TLDR: I dealt with an abusive, alcoholic, cheater ex who I also kept around longer than I should’ve. I finally cut him off when I decided to give a new guy a chance and I never regretted it a single bit. Real, loyal men are out there but you need to respect yourself first by not entertaining those who don’t respect you.
He never thought something was wrong with you, he was trying to get you to break up with him. Maybe start there because that is the only thing that makes sense. He probably also lacks empathy
As someone who has been there…. It really does get better OP. You may think and feel it never will for a long time and that’s ok 🫂 but trust in the fact that you will get past this. A man is not worth it. He isn’t the sun , you are ! I hope you can continue your healing journey and complete your degree 🫶🏼🫶🏼
That is NOT the man you want to end your life over. The pain is immense but he deserves no more than what he already stole
Grief isn’t linear and the only way out is through. Cycle through the stages, know what you’re feeling and why, and by attaching intense emotions to a stage you’re working the process and it feels healing. I’m adhd, ocd, cptsd and categorizing information like that kind of checks a box for me. In a few months, you will be changed, and it will be for the best. Trust in your strength. And seriously screw both of them. They deserve each other.
If people didn’t get over heartbreak no one would would be slice we’ve all been there.
You’ll get over it. The first step is to stop stalking them. How would you know they bought movie tickets?
I get the impulse, but you’re just prolonging your suffering. The dude is a loser. You’d be worse off if you stayed with him.
Just be thankful he will never be your problem ever again 🙂