I understand why a man would, he doesn’t have to carry the baby in his womb for months, give birth, or even necessarily show up; he could still get away with being a deadbeat dad. A baby wouldn’t cause any changes to his body, and he could continue his bloodline or family name with very little input.
But when it comes to women, it’s the complete opposite. Beauty is fleeting. One day, I won’t look the way I do now. Why would I hasten that by going through pregnancy? And if I’m the one who’d be doing the majority of a child’s upbringing, why would I willingly turn myself into a sacrificial lamb?
Don’t get me wrong, when I fall in love, I’m the complete opposite. I do want kids with the person I love, but it comes from a place of wanting to experience that with them. When I’m not in love, the only answer I get from myself is that I want a daughter someday, to raise her to be strong.
Kids love me. I don’t have to do much except exist in the same space, and they’re drawn to me. At times they can be cute. But when I look at it logically, I still don’t fully understand why I would want to have them.
P.S. Please know this is a genuine question, I’m not trying to be snarky in any way.
Comments
Because I don’t give a shit what I look like and I do like children, basically. Mind you, I had them on my own, so there’s that.
People want the experience of raising another person and then spending time with them, there’s nothing else like it, even if it’s insanely stressful.
I think theyre neat but the current state of the world scares me too much to have a kid, despite really wanting one. Also I think my husband is pretty cool and I think hed be a pretty good dad.
People get a lot of fulfillment in raising kids. Also the socialization of young girls to want kids is a very relevant factor, tho I think it is becoming less so given the state of the world rn
I feel like it’s such a jaded view to think that a woman loses her beauty once she has kids lol like you can still maintain your weight and skin, be active and take good care of yourself, I don’t want to think that having a kid is gonna make me ugly or less desirable.
I really get why pregnancy might freak you out… I mean, think about it, your body’s basically a construction site for nine months! And then the changes after giving birth, forget about ever fitting into those skinny jeans again… But in my case, becoming a mom actually boosted my self-confidence and made me more comfortable in my own skin. My daughter’s unconditional love is the ultimate beauty standard, ya know?
There is something inherently fulfilling about the whole process, at least for me. And bringing a child into the world and raising them to be the best person they can be feels like a way to (hopefully) better society. I say this as a first-time parent who had an insanely difficult, high-risk pregnancy and had my baby 7 weeks early: it was all worth it.
Because the feelings and experiences I’ve had being a mother and the ways it’s helped me grow as a person are way, way more important and meaningful to me than the impact of pregnancy on my body. And at least for me, caring for my kids never felt like I was turning myself into a “sacrificial lamb.”
But the important question is whether it fits for you. And if you genuinely can’t see motherhood as anything beyond sacrificing your life and your looks, or as more than a cool “experience” with your partner, then please don’t have them.
I mean, you answered your own question in the 3rd paragraph. Why wouldn’t some women have the same reasons.
I’m childfree myself, but some women do love kids and find motherhood rewarding.
As far as beauty being fleeting, some of us aren’t very hung up on beauty. We’re all going to age, kids or not.
I think seeing a kid learn and teaching them is fulfilling. It gives a sense of purpose to provide for another person.
But i do think men have no idea and do not care what women go through during pregnancy. If you tell the man, hey you won’t be able to have sex with your wife for 1 year (pregnancy and post partum) they may rethink their decision
I also don’t particularly care what I look like. Motherhood is something I desire deeply in my soul, so I have spent several years planning and preparing to ensure I can give 1-2 kids the best life possible. As for unequal decisions of labor, I’m skipping this step by just having them on my own. It’s likely I’ll end up doing most or all of the work, anyways, so why bother having a partner I resent for not pulling their weight?
If you don’t want children because of you but because of the guy you love at the moment maybe you should not have children at all.
I have kids and I wanted them because I just always felt like they were something I wanted. It’s a lot of work but I have a good partner and he does his part everyday. I think if I married someone who made me feel like they weren’t putting in effort, I wouldn’t have wanted them (or the man). However, having a kid is experiencing one of the deepest loves I could ever imagine.
> beauty is fleeting.
You may be surprised to learn that women’s bodies do not, in fact, turn in to useless wizened and grotesque husks after pregnancy.
This is some misogynistic shit.
Being a mother is indeed more stress on the mind and body than being a father. But in my experience it is so worth it! I love my kid and would do it all again for him.
I will always be a little bitter about how much easier dads have it though!
I will say looks wise it hasn’t really changed me much at all. I was back to my original weight like 3 months postpartum. My abs are still a little soft but I can work on that. Maybe I have some more bags under my eyes lol
I know you didn’t mean it in a snarky way, but the underlying message of your post is not much different from “a woman’s sole value is beauty”.
I mean this in the least offensive way, but fuck that, OP. I ain’t gonna lie and say that I don’t care about my looks. But my god, childbirth is horrid in so many ways, how I look after it is the least of the impact. And even still! Millions of women have made that decision voluntarily in the past few decennia, and are still doing so now.
I wanted kids because I wanted to experience motherhood. That love, devotion, the laughter and the tears and the effort. I wanted to expand my family, wanted to see the world through their eyes and raise humans in a way I think the world needs them. Wanting kids is inherently selfish, in a way – they didn’t ask to be born, we all have them for ourselves. Not having them for selfish reasons is also okay.. Even if it’s just because you don’t want to put your body through it. But let’s not pretend that having kids deceases a woman’s value solely because she might (!) look different.
ETA – same goes for the part about the upbringing. It is not and should not be a given that women are the default parent. The best way to change that is to change the narrative. Raise the bar, have a decent partner, don’t fall for the “but it’s just always like that”.
I dont think I’ve ever appreciated my body the way I did after having my first. Its truly incredible what a womans body is capable of, I felt so proud of myself after giving birth. I felt beautiful when I was pregnant and loved wearing tighter dresses to proudly show off my belly in a way I never felt before.
My husband and I adore our son and love him so fiercely like I have never experienced before. Its jaw dropping and incredible what he learns every day, the way he thinks, what he can do. The love he gives us, hugs and kisses is beautiful and makes me proud to be his mom. Its an incredible experience we share and I love our little family so much.
Yes its hard. Yes it took me almost 2 years to feel better about my body again but honestly nothing has substantially changed, and the things that did probably would have with age. We just came back from a 3 day trip away from our son and when we saw him again I couldnt stop crying, totally involuntarily. My love for him is infinite. I couldnt imagine never having this experience, truly.
>But when it comes to women, it’s the complete opposite. Beauty is fleeting. One day, I won’t look the way I do now. Why would I hasten that by going through pregnancy?
Beauty is not fleeting. Aging does not make someone less beautiful. Stretch marks does not make someone less beautiful.
It was fun creating a new person who gets to explore the world with eyes unclouded by hate.
It is powerful AF to create life. And I was hot when I was pregnant and I’m still hot after having had my son. Hot and powerful!