Here’s the original post – https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/fo7Q0jUSNW
My original update was removed bc of the 24 hour rule (my bad), but other stuff has happened since, so I’m including it below.
Got home from work and started having the conversation with DH. Ended up with me crying (mainly out of angry frustration and being mad – that’s how it comes out) and with him storming out into our driveway.
“Good news” is the card is gone. It has been or will be canceled. I have the paperwork to submit to Equifax to check her credit. My in-laws are good with money, so them not paying the bill wasn’t really an issue. My big peeves about it are that it doesn’t teach them any fiscal responsibility, allows them to think they can swipe and it will just magically be paid for, and if she is an “authorized user” and my FIL/MIL (whichever is the primary user) dies before that bill is paid, she is legally responsible for paying it. And since she’s a minor, that means it’s on us.
And we’ve talked to our daughter about getting something with someone else’s money without asking permission and how it’s essentially stealing. We also discussed the card. She was very apologetic about all of it and I’m hoping she learned her lesson. I also made her clean her room to find the hair ties I just bought her, so she really didn’t need this Ulta trip to begin with.
“Bad news” is that this has really opened my eyes to realizing that DH and I are not on the same parenting page, and we’re going to have to get on it ASAP of we’re going to be parenting these kids either together or separately. It also made me realize, that when I have a “problem” with his mom, I don’t necessarily think he’s really a safe person for me to talk to go to about. He tried to be proactive by talking to her before we had a minute to really sit down and discuss it, and I think that maybe made things worse. I don’t feel like I’m going to be able to trust him with how I feel when it comes to this type of thing, and we’re going to have to work on that as well. I will definitely be having more of a conversation with him about this tonight when the kids go to bed and hope he’s amenable to marriage counseling, because I don’t see any other path forward.
Additionally things after the original update –
Other “bad news” is that MIL seems to think that the issue with the card is simply because I was my mother to be “THE grandmother” (her words) and doesn’t get the issue is because they didn’t talk to us about it beforehand. At this point, I’m at a loss of what to do with her. This is YEARS (I’m talking 23 that we’ve been together and 15 of that we’ve been married) of her insecurities getting the best of us. DH and I have been having a lot of tough conversations over the last couple days, and this morning I just said I’m at a loss of how to move forward with her. All I want to do is cry.
Comments
Quick Rule Reminders:
OP’s needs come first, avoid dramamongering, respect the flair, and don’t be an asshole. If your only advice is to jump straight to NC or divorce, your comment may be subject to removal at moderator discretion.
^(Full Rules) ^(|) ^(Acronym Index) ^(|) ^(Flair Guide)^(|) ^(Report PM Trolls)
Resources: ^(In Crisis?) ^(|) ^(Tips for Protecting Yourself) ^(|) ^(Our Book List) ^(|) ^(Our Wiki)
Other posts from /u/gmsmith0910:
These stories aren’t cute (Update), 1 week ago
These stories aren’t cute, 1 week ago
^(To be notified as soon as gmsmith0910 posts an update) [^click ^here.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=botinlaw&subject=Subscribe&message=Subscribe gmsmith0910 JUSTNOMIL) ^(|) ^(For help managing your subscriptions,) ^(click here.)
^(I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please) ^(contact the moderators of this subreddit) ^(if you have any questions or concerns.)
The problem with your MIL is she doesn’t want to be the grandparent. Grandparents don’t get to make financial decisions for the grandkids or override the parent’s decisions. Grandparents don’t shame their grandkids on the internet.
Her insecurities are hers to deal with. I’m so sorry you don’t have a supportive partner.