I’m wondering if I am over reacting.
I (39F)have 17 month old twin boys. They are my mom’s (72) (and dad’s (73)) only grandchildren. I have a twin sister and an older (half) sister (48) as well. My boys are in the separation anxiety phase where they typically just want to be with me and my husband. It takes them a while to warm up to people, even when they know them well. Especially my younger twin. But when they are comfortable, they are such sweet and goofy boys.
My mother came over recently. She doesn’t see my boys often because she is morbidly obese and cannot walk well. I do not take my boys over to her house because it is small, insanely cluttered, 3 small dogs and smells of human and dog pee. Also, she has no toddler friendly anything there so I’d have to bring stuff. When my older twin warmed up to her enough, she was able to pick him up and say “You know, you’re my favorite…your aunts too… she can’t wait to see you” I was shocked and said “what about the baby?” She said “oh I love him too but this ones eyes and…” and I stopped listening.
Then my older sister came over to pick up my mom. When she saw the older twin she immediately said “oh there’s my boy!” and picked him up (he started crying so she had to set him down). Then she said, incredibly snotty “Oh hey, Weekly Rest” to my younger twin… like it’s an insult to be like me (twin b is the spitting image of me).
My mom asks me daily for pictures of my boys (I very rarely will post them on social media). Every. Single. Day. Well when she did after this visit, I blocked her number. I decided to send her a text message explaining that I need space from her, that even though my boys are too young to understand their grandma and aunt have a favorite, I don’t want them to ever be aware of that. I come from a very negative household. We always find the bad in everything. I’m so tired of being that way. My husband’s family is the total opposite. They’ll find positive in things (when things can have a positive to them). I don’t want my boys to ever feel like they’re not as good as the other.
Would you just brush it off? I’ve had problems with my mom and my sister in the past with things they’ve said about my boys.
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Other posts from /u/Weekly-Rest1033:
off my chest, 9 months ago
Main character, 11 months ago
make this make sense, 1 year ago
it’s another rant, 1 year ago
playing the victim, 1 year ago
telling family, 1 year ago
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Nope, not at all! Kids are way smarter than most people give them credit for. At 17months, they may not understand all the nuances of what’s going on, but they can grasp that Grandma and Auntie give A more attention than B.
Protect your nuclear family and break the cycle you grew up in. Your kids will be better off for it.
My family has a history of alcohol abuse. 18 years ago I laid into my toddler for doing something totally age appropriate. The look on his face was the look I had when my uncle did the same thing to me. My kids deserved better than that hell. I finished the 6-pack in my fridge over the course of several months, and have been sober since then. Just the other day I had a conversation with my youngest about how she doesn’t feel comfortable around some of her uncles (husband’s brothers) because they drink and it scares her. I think a lot (most) of her discomfort is brainwashing from church (I don’t attend). But, she felt safe enough to come talk to me about it.