BIL thinks his poor planning mean we should cancel our plans

r/

We’re dealing with in-law drama again. Years ago, DH’s parents bought a lakeside property to be a summer house for the family to enjoy. Under that pretense, DH and his brother (BIL) each invested 50% of the cost to build a guest house next to the main property so “everyone could enjoy the space together and autonomously.” Of course, a few years into the project and once the building was done and the money was spent – SURPRISE SURPRISE the parents decided to sell their house and move there full-time.

So now, what we actually have is a guest house right next to the parents’ main residence, meaning we can never truly enjoy the place without having to see them. ENRAGING, yes but not even the point of my post LOL. BIL and his wife love going there all the time, even when the parents are there, while I obviously don’t. The continued dynamic is that they all make purchases for this property and dived it by 4 (MIL,FIL,BIL,DH) so yes like their sons are supposed to fund their lifestyle. To give you an example DH was expected to pay for a boat that would just remain on their property. But since we’ve been married we’ve agreed that no more investments would be made into this property and we would focus on building and funding our own dreams so DH didnt participate in the boat purchase to the disapproval of the rest of the family.

A couple of months ago, we found out the parents would be away for a few nights, so we asked if we could use the guest house for two nights while my friends were visiting from out of town. The parents agreed, and we planned this well in advance (THEY NEVER GO ANYWHERE).

Now, one week before our planned stay, DH gets a call from his brother asking us to give up one of our nights so he can take his family there and invite another family. Thankfully he told him no and that should have been that but BIL wouldn’t accept it. DH reminded him that we planned this months ago and have friends flying in. BIL then tries to guilt him, saying “it’s only fair if we get one night each,” despite the fact that he doesn’t even have plans confirmed with his friends……. he literally said, “Well, I can ask…” Like, you’re asking us to cancel our plans if you’re not even sure you need it???

They went back and forth BIL insisting it was “only fair,” and poor DH got sucked into justifying….. pointing out that the brother’s family stays there way more often anyway. The brother’s response? “Well, you guys can go there anytime you want too.” No, we can’t, because the parents live there, and unlike him, we don’t want to spend all our free time hanging out with the parents.

I’m just so angry that he’s trying to frame this as a “reasonable request” and that his guilt tripping got to DH. He’s had months to bring this up, and if he had, we could’ve booked another cabin if needed. But now it’s too late, and I’m not letting my friends’ trip and our plans get canceled because he can’t plan ahead. His poor planning does not constitute our emergency.

I told DH to tell him we assumed the system was first come, first served, but if the family wants a clearer system, we’re happy to discuss that for the future. But we can’t change plans now with guests flying in. Let’s see how that goes, I have a feeling that it won’t be the end of this story…. It’s hard to believe they ever thought it would be a good idea to share a property.

Comments

  1. botinlaw Avatar

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