Still annoyed about Mother’s day and Fathers day

Just wanna vent and get it out.

Tl;dr: in laws forget I am a mom on mother’s day, make a big deal for DH’s father’s day at his expense. Never come to see their grandchild even though they don’t live far.

My in laws had a get together day before mother’s day, I opted not to go last minute since LO was going through teething and a bit of a sleep regression at the same time and neither of us were sleeping well. I sent DH along to see them, and even sent him with a gift of a little triple frame that had a picture of LO and hand print and foot print on either side. He comes home saying she gushed over it and showed it off to everyone. Nothing crazy happened for him to report back.

The next day is mother’s day. Don’t hear anything from MIL. Half way into the afternoon, I text her a happy mother’s day, nothing crazy, just that I hope she’s having a good day, and I send a few pictures of LO.

Her response is like from a bad movie. I can’t make this up. She sent back a thank you, that’s it, and then like 30 minutes later she sends, “And happy mothers day to you too!!” ya’ll she clearly forgot it was mother’s day to me too. And not that I expect anything, but note here that I didn’t get any gift or card.

Fast forward to 2 days before father’s day, she texts DH and informs him that they will be at our house around lunch time on father’s day to celebrate his first father’s day, and to let her know if we want her to bring anything. Which you know, implies that we need to provide the bulk of the food.

Now, we have told her she is welcome to come when she wants to see LO, and we haven’t changed that rule as she only maybe makes it out once a month, sometimes longer in between visits, even though we only like about 30-45 minutes away depending on traffic. We just ask that she let’s us know when she wants to come so it doesn’t interfere with other obligations. But idk, I feel like most people would be like, “hey can we come over” and not “we will be there about noon”. Just feels rude to me.

DH and I discuss briefly telling them not to come as FIL follows up the text by asking DH if he will grill, which means DH will be cooking and working on his first father’s day, and I tell him he can use LO as an excuse if he needs, that’s he’s teething or whatever. DH says it’s fine, even if it irritates him, and he feels it will cause more drama to block them coming, and they haven’t seen LO in about a month. He keeps hoping if they have a good visit with LO, and not a melt down visit, she will be less crazy. (see my post history for my fomo velcro super stranger aversion baby).

So on father’s day, the visit goes okay, LO is very whiney and concerned in the beginning (they tried to get right in his face and rub his back when they walked in. I wasn’t shy about walking away with him and looking out the back window with him to shield him and calm him). But they do get some actual play time in, and some smiles from LO when he warms up. DH makes some good food. I can tell that MIL seems annoyed when LO is independent playing with toys, as he’s very good with independent play for a 7 month old, and just likes for me to be near him. She tries calling his name and doing weird sounds and movements to get his attention, or trying to play peek a boo around the couch, and LO hyper fixates on a toy and doesn’t look up. Just feels like she needs his constant attention and is annoyed when he wants to play with his dump truck and not her.

DH says she feels the lack of relationship/familiarity with LO and tries to force it while she is here.

There are a few weird zingers when DH is engaged in other conversations, about why I didn’t tell her about his recent doctors visit (she never asks about him), about how I really need to work on getting him in the pool (he’s afraid of it and she wants pictures) and she even points out in front of others how red my ankle is when I stand up. I was sitting on it. On the hard wood floor. So it was a little red. But she kept trying to ask what was wrong with it and call attention to it like she was trying to embarrass me. Weeeiiirrddd.

Anyway, end of the visit, they give DH a card with an Amazon gift card and make a big deal about his first father’s day and how they hope he gets something good for himself on Amazon and how they hope their visit made the day special for him.

After they leave, DH even asks me “hey, did they get you anything for Mother’s day?” no. No they did not.

Anyway, we haven’t seen them or even talked to them since then. We both think they’re upset that we decided not to come to them until LO is a bit older and takes less naps. (see post history for context) On the one hand, I’m happy that I don’t have to deal with the stress of her coming to visit too much, or her weird zingers, but on the other hand I’m annoyed she doesn’t put in effort to see her only grandchild when we don’t live that far away. Whatever. Her loss. She even tried to tell me she would come the following week, just her, to see us, then never followed up and never came.