For context my MIL lost her job a few years ago after playing a prank with laxatives on her coworkers. This was before my husband and I got together and she convinced him at this time to drop out of college come home and buy an RV so he could live on their land and tend to her. My husband and I met a year after this. He then got a much better job, I finished my degree and we both moved to a different city. We have on several occasions tried to sell the trailer as it is an unnecessary expense (he’s still paying off the loan) to which MIL insists that we must keep it. We have used the trailer all of 3x in the past 4 years. She uses it to allow her friends and family to stay but doesn’t clean after. I have found literal shit in the toilet that has sat there for months because she allowed people to stay without asking prior and did not clean. She never asks if people can stay and when she does it’s manipulative and she’s already told them they could stay. I found out I was pregnant and my job is not safe during pregnancy and does not offer any supports. We decided it was best I quit and to sell the camper to keep us afloat during the months I’m not working. We informed MIL of our decision to which she responded we could sell because she has told my husband’s grandparents they can live there. Grandparents are now living in the trailer and when we gently suggested they take over the loan payments she lost her shit and drove 3 hours to our home barged in unannounced to tell at us while my husband was working from home and called us selfish brats. We can’t use the trailer because grandparents are living their but continue to have to make payments including when they broke blinds, toilets, etc she has manipulated my husband to pay the expenses to fix the issue. I’m frustrated as we are struggling with our finances in preparation to support new baby. In addition, MIL has lost diamonds to her wedding ring costing her $1500 she says and asked us to pay for it as she is embarrassed to tell her husband. She also asks for $200 about once a month and my husband sends this to her without clearing it with me first. He keeps no record of how much money he sends her (I know it’s a lot – I went calculated $900 just for this month). I try to discuss it with husband but his response it “It’s my mom, I can’t tell her no and you know how she gets it’s just easier to send the money”. She has a husband she can ask for the money who works full time and makes more than me and my husband combined.
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Husband problem. Nearly 100% a husband problem.
Your husband needs to stop being afraid of his mother and tell her that you’re selling the RV. She can either buy it from you and take over the payments, or she can find somewhere else for his grandparents to live. Either way, he’s going to have to get used to setting these hard boundaries before the baby arrives, because if he thinks she’s a nightmare now, she’s only going to get worse.
I’d probably have to be an AH and bring it up in front of FIL. Say something along the lines of how difficult it has been making ends meet when you can’t sell the RV and keep having to give MIL so much money each month. Then let them deal with the fallout.
He’s committing financial infidelity.
Get through your pregnancy and separate your finances – plan like you’re a single mom, even if you stay together, because he is setting money on fire for people who don’t need it.