Limerence and crushes are more often then not a sign of not enough information on the person and you are projecting what you most want in a partner or friend onto that person to fill in the gaps you already have.
So you generally have 1 or 2 options either disconnect from that person and cut contact e.g treating it like a breakup.
OR learn more about the person and learn the idea you have of them in your head isn’t the person they are, leading on from that, I use to try whenever I thought of that person in my head give them features no person could have like wings or something to represent to myself that this is a fiction in my head
After experiencing it several times I’m pretty sure the only way out is literally “getting a life”. Getting really busy with some hobby project, sports, some new work task etc. It gives you a sense of purpose and progress in your current reality and eventually you no longer feel the need to escape into this fantasy of perfect fictional love. Because it’s never about the person you’re crushing on, it’s about all the positive feelings you imagine they will magically bring you once you start dating.
No contact. Therapy. You also have to realize it’s unhealthy. I have limerence for a man I had sex with for 8 months when I was homeless, he played hot n cold, ghosted me tons of times but gaslit me about it and then injured me bad with BDSM sex and abandoned me, ghosted me forever and blocked me. Limerence isn’t love, it’s an addiction to someone. This has been the hardest addiction to break, I care for him but he’s not healthy for me and he already cut me out of my life.
I research them until I find something that gives me the ick. I spent 3 months in limerance with an NFL player (I don’t even watch football). I found one photo of him with Joe Rogan from an event 3 years ago… and poof. It was a large group photo, and they were at different sides, but still. I fell into limerance with him because (in my fantasy) he was “perfect”, and that photo made him imperfect, and I disconnected. Works every time.
I have a difficult time moving on with limerence, but I genuinely don’t feel romantically attracted to people easily so when it does happen, it’s like … emotional euphoria.
Honestly, like many have said, you kinda just need to start living: take up lessons in something that’s interested you for a while, have books lined up to read/go to a book club, etc.
Hopefully, eventually keeping busy dilutes the limerence. If you’re already busy enough, then I think the passing of time is the main medicine.
Sorry, off-topic, but I have never ever heard the word limerence before. I’m an adult human with a successful publishing career, and I am just blown away by this new word. 🤯
I realise that it is limerence, and I acknowledge that it’ll pass. Sometimes it’s harder than others, and when you’re right in the middle of it, it can be emotionally time consuming.
I would actively try to find something to occupy my time, and if possible, remove as much contact.
It WILL pass. It’s just a pain to go through. You’ll get there.
Easiest way is to cut the person out of your life to be honest. Or get to know them as this usually dispels whatever fantasy version you have of them in your head.
We experience limerence as a result of lack of information. So it’s easy to project our ideal person onto a real one as if our dream person is actually them. So of course it’s hard to get over. Because it’s not them you’re stuck on. It’s the idea of them you’ve built in your head. Which isn’t actually who they are at all.
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I try and enjoy it
Therapy. It’s part of attachment issues. A therapist can help you slowly build more secure attachment to others.
Limerence and crushes are more often then not a sign of not enough information on the person and you are projecting what you most want in a partner or friend onto that person to fill in the gaps you already have.
So you generally have 1 or 2 options either disconnect from that person and cut contact e.g treating it like a breakup.
OR learn more about the person and learn the idea you have of them in your head isn’t the person they are, leading on from that, I use to try whenever I thought of that person in my head give them features no person could have like wings or something to represent to myself that this is a fiction in my head
Wrote down my whole crashout, went on his social media and pointed out his bad looks and I sent my chat to Chatgpt got it analyzed.
Start listing their flaws on purpose. Turns out obsession dies fast when you stop romanticizing their human dumpster fires.. this always helps me🙂
The limerence reddit will usually advise going nc asapÂ
After experiencing it several times I’m pretty sure the only way out is literally “getting a life”. Getting really busy with some hobby project, sports, some new work task etc. It gives you a sense of purpose and progress in your current reality and eventually you no longer feel the need to escape into this fantasy of perfect fictional love. Because it’s never about the person you’re crushing on, it’s about all the positive feelings you imagine they will magically bring you once you start dating.
Do something else. Like we all need to spend more time with people
No contact. Therapy. You also have to realize it’s unhealthy. I have limerence for a man I had sex with for 8 months when I was homeless, he played hot n cold, ghosted me tons of times but gaslit me about it and then injured me bad with BDSM sex and abandoned me, ghosted me forever and blocked me. Limerence isn’t love, it’s an addiction to someone. This has been the hardest addiction to break, I care for him but he’s not healthy for me and he already cut me out of my life.
I research them until I find something that gives me the ick. I spent 3 months in limerance with an NFL player (I don’t even watch football). I found one photo of him with Joe Rogan from an event 3 years ago… and poof. It was a large group photo, and they were at different sides, but still. I fell into limerance with him because (in my fantasy) he was “perfect”, and that photo made him imperfect, and I disconnected. Works every time.
I have a difficult time moving on with limerence, but I genuinely don’t feel romantically attracted to people easily so when it does happen, it’s like … emotional euphoria.
Honestly, like many have said, you kinda just need to start living: take up lessons in something that’s interested you for a while, have books lined up to read/go to a book club, etc.
Hopefully, eventually keeping busy dilutes the limerence. If you’re already busy enough, then I think the passing of time is the main medicine.
De-centre men from your life (if that’s the gender you find yourself attracted to)
Sorry, off-topic, but I have never ever heard the word limerence before. I’m an adult human with a successful publishing career, and I am just blown away by this new word. 🤯
I realise that it is limerence, and I acknowledge that it’ll pass. Sometimes it’s harder than others, and when you’re right in the middle of it, it can be emotionally time consuming.
I would actively try to find something to occupy my time, and if possible, remove as much contact.
It WILL pass. It’s just a pain to go through. You’ll get there.
Easiest way is to cut the person out of your life to be honest. Or get to know them as this usually dispels whatever fantasy version you have of them in your head.
We experience limerence as a result of lack of information. So it’s easy to project our ideal person onto a real one as if our dream person is actually them. So of course it’s hard to get over. Because it’s not them you’re stuck on. It’s the idea of them you’ve built in your head. Which isn’t actually who they are at all.
Delete their number, romanticize your career, and fall in love with someone unavailable—like sleep or emotional stability.
Imagine them poopin 🙂