TIFU by “cutting someone off”

Had to get something off my chest cause this guilt is eating me alive for the entire day

This happened to me at 7:35-7:50am. Before that, I was going on my usual prep time but I had to make it quick cuz I would be late for work(it would take me an estimated 4-6 mins for some final changes before heading off plus 8-10 minutes to reach from home to office with some traffic.) My standard transportation for heading to work was a scooter.

For the near entirety of the trip it was going smoothly. I constantly check the mirrors before making a signal and “positioning the lane”(in the city where I lived in, lanes are only placed in the highways of the lower part of the city). Along the way I had to think of which routes should be the most suitable to go to. The reason for this is because there would be a roadside checkpoint placed near the place that I worked in and I wanted to avoid that, knowing how “bullshit” their rules and regulations regarding the legal requirements of the vehicles such as motorcycles, scooters or tuk-tuks(I’m kinda paranoid and always on high alert when looking for a possible checkpoint). If you get caught, say goodbye to your vehicle! (I only have a student permit, so all the more reason to evade checkpoints)

So I picked the route with the narrow road(in my understanding, they only set up checkpoints on wide roads like highways) and this is where IFU on the road connecting to the main road(it was a small y shaped road where the narrow road goes to the main road or highway and along the main road is where the office was located)

Reaching the main road through the downslope I started to hit the brakes to make a careful crossing across the “right” lane. Being a very cautious person, I waited for the opportunity for a wide opening with a considerable distance. There are also people that took the same road as I was so I had to wait for the other vehicle to go first if it’s safe. In the middle gap of the highway along with other two-wheeled vehicles, we waited as well until someone in front of me goes first to enter the lane signifying that it’s safe to go through this lane. Or at least it’s what I thought.

Upon waiting for an opening, there was also an incoming black car along the highway. So when the leading vehicle(motorcycle) goes first in the lane, I also followed suit as well and assumed that the car behind us would hit the brakes. Instead it honked at us in the middle of our crossing (specifically I’m the only one crossing because the leading vehicle is already on the road). Being the overly cautious person I am, I don’t wanna risk it successfully crossing the first lane only to crash at an unsuspecting speeding vehicle at a second lane(it’s a two lane highway) so my only choice is to retreat to the edge of the lane while the black car behind me was honking(it wasn’t even hitting the brakes if I recall).

At this point, someone yelled a sentence that shook me to the core…

“ARE YOU GUYS STUPID OR WHAT?!”

It was a foreigner who was the driver of the black car looking at me, angry and drove away while honking. I wanted to say sorry to the guy for cutting him off but I only sat there completely froze and unable to speak from what he had just said. The rider in another motorcycle beside me jokingly said to me: “that guy looks realy angry/pissed” and drove ahead of me.

That experience led me to the realization that I had embarrassed myself by attempting to cut ahead of the black car and swerving back to the near middle of the highway. And with that, there’s only one word that comes to my mind: shame.

I entered the office completely safe but the words said from the driver left my thoughts down spiraling because what he had just said is very reasonable and I definitely deserved that. My confidence and my self-esteem completely plummeted because of one single mistake. Anxiety, self-doubt and guilt sets in and I start to regret the route that I chose. I then think of the what-if scenarios where if I only stuck to the main route where the chances of crossing are safer but has a chance of a checkpoint appearing in the roadside. If only I could turn back time to fix that mistake, then it would be perfect for me, completely satisfied.

This depressing feeling lasted nearly 8 hours during my work day and the only coping mechanism I have was to take a short nap, but the words that guy said to me still rings in my ears and struck my self-esteem for the rest of the day.

TL;DR: don’t wanna be late. driving my scooter to work then accidentally cut someone off. Guy understandably yelled at me and left me anxious and depressed for the rest of the day