I (26F) had a miscarriage two weeks ago. It was awful. It was my first pregnancy. I hadn’t even told more than immediate family.
That includes my husband’s sister (29F), who’s very “chronically online.” She’s the type to post cryptic subtweets about every minor inconvenience. I tolerate her because she’s family but barely.
When I was rushed to the ER, we let the family know. I asked for privacy. No social media. Just space.
But an hour later, I got a DM from a friend: “Are you okay?? Is this about you??”
I checked Twitter and saw my sister-in-law’s post:
“Sad to see someone close to me go through the loss of a life they never got to meet. Prayers for peace and healing 🖤 #GoneTooSoon #LifeIsSoFragile”
Then another:
“Unborn doesn’t mean unloved. Hug your babies tighter tonight. 💔”
It was absolutely about me.
She never asked. Never even texted me. She was just farming sympathy and clout.
I haven’t spoken to her since, and I told my husband I won’t go to anything she’s invited to. He’s trying to “keep the peace.” But peace died when she decided my trauma was a brand opportunity.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: I (26F) had a miscarriage two weeks ago. It was awful. It was my first pregnancy. I hadn’t even told more than immediate family.
That includes my husband’s sister (29F), who’s very “chronically online.” She’s the type to post cryptic subtweets about every minor inconvenience. I tolerate her because she’s family but barely.
When I was rushed to the ER, we let the family know. I asked for privacy. No social media. Just space.
But an hour later, I got a DM from a friend: “Are you okay?? Is this about you??”
I checked Twitter and saw my sister-in-law’s post:
“Sad to see someone close to me go through the loss of a life they never got to meet. Prayers for peace and healing 🖤 #GoneTooSoon #LifeIsSoFragile”
Then another:
“Unborn doesn’t mean unloved. Hug your babies tighter tonight. 💔”
It was absolutely about me.
She never asked. Never even texted me. She was just farming sympathy and clout.
I haven’t spoken to her since, and I told my husband I won’t go to anything she’s invited to. He’s trying to “keep the peace.” But peace died when she decided my trauma was a brand opportunity.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Thanks for submitting to the Two Hot Takes Podcast Subreddit! We’d like to remind you that all posts are subject to being featured in an episode of the Two Hot Takes Podcast. If your story is featured you’ll
get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
She owes you the biggest apology and promise never to do that again. She needs to admit how awful she was to do that and demonstrate over time that you can trust her.
What she did is unforgivable. Honestly I would tell Husband he either has your back or he can get kicked out of your life too. As far as your SIL I’d make a post “I can’t even believe I have to make this post. As some of you know, I was betrayed and deeply hurt by someone close to me. They decided to take it upon themselves to post about my miscarriage. After I had specifically asked for privacy and for no social media posts. Losing a child is hard. But having to lose a child, and talk about it sooner than I was ready too, is just cruel. I can only assume this was done for attention. I hope people realize they are not entitled to broadcast other peoples traumatic events. Hold your loved ones who respect you tight tonight.”
Your husband needs to set his sister straight.
His sister, his problem, and by “keeping the peace” he is allowing her to hurt you and setting a precedent for future family announcements-such as when you get (hopefully) pregnant again. That is if you let such a pitiful excuse for a partner near you again…
She was absolutely wrong putting your loss on SM, and she certainly was not cryptic as your friends figured it out.
She would never be invited to be part of my life because she can’t be trusted to keep her mouth shut!
That BETRAYAL can NOT be undone. Your Husband MUST stand up your you NOW!!! She will NOT stop!!
Holy crap. You win worst SIL of the Century. This is absolutely NC ever again territory. Your husband needs to get his priorities straight.
What an awful person she is. She needs to go on an information diet. Now. Full stop.
As far as your husband, the only peace he needs to keep is YOURS. He needs to have your back, especially now. There is no “but” for this situation. You are his person. You lost his child. He shouldn’t hesitate to defend you and shut her down.
This is a clarifying moment for you. You’re going to see who is truly there for you. You dont need to make moves right now on that information. You just need to heal, physically and emotionally. But keep a record of people’s actions, not their words.
I am sorry for your loss. Please keep yourself as emotionally and mentally safe as you can right now. Give yourself the space to feel.
I would have your husband warn everyone that should any news get back to sister, they’ll equally be cut off. If he can’t, or won’t, do that, well.. you’ll need to make some hard choices. It’s quite literally the least that he can do.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. To have one of your most vulnerable and painful moments made into social media gossip is awful. Whatever happens going forward I hope your SIL comes to realise what a terrible thing this is to have done to someone. I’m sending peace and good thoughts to you and your little one who left us too soon.
I’m sorry she was horrible about that. MC can be really hard. Especially if it’s your first. I hope you know it’s really really common and has little no no bearing on you having a healthy baby. I’m an older mom and had 3MC between mine. But I got pg again and had a healthy kid. That fortunately is also really common. I hope you have some good support. Virtual hugs and best wishes to you. Fwiw, everyone I know who’s MC also had a healthy baby afterwards. Take the time you need to heal.
I’m so sorry for your loss OP, and sending plenty of virtual hugs your way. Tbh the sister in law sounds like 1 of my cousin’s these people are not worth being around especially during a vulnerable time and I would be pointing out to your husband that she is the one who disturbed the peace and as such you both deserve an apology at very least. I know I’m a grown up and violence isn’t supposed to be the answer but damn some people make it so hard
I would comment on her post, “This post screams I an desperate for attention”. One shouldn’t post cryptic crap when it’s for false sympathy.
You should confront her and tell her how hurt you were. Be as Garth as you must! She needs to hear it. It’s NOT OK!!!
I’m sorry for your loss btw
Guess whose entire family is now on an information diet? 🤢
Your husband needs to tell his sister that your life isn’t fodder for her to gain attention and up votes and she needs to not only take down her posts but never post about you again. She’s going to say she didn’t use your name but your husband needs to let her know you’re already getting phone calls about it. From now on, she’s on an information diet. If his family shares information with her then they get put on an information diet as well.
Press charges
Please for your sanity, you and YOUR husband need to go NC with her, and tell his family, any information that you ever give them about yourself, is not to be passed on to her or you’ll be done with them as well!
What she did to you is exactly the reason you described, farming sympathy and cloud. If she’s here right now I hope the KAREN is reading this and gets a freaking life. GROW UP SIL! What you did was a horrible thing! All about you? NO, but you made it that way!
I am extremely sorry for your loss. 😢
Your husband needs to have your back here. He needs to let his sister know how completely out of line she was.
Keep the peace? If he wanted to keep the peace, then why did he act so divorceable?
Keeping the peace is really just allowing the worst members of a family have free reign to hurt all the others
So she hasn’t even offered YOU, the one who actually lost her baby, any condolences?
And your partner wants to keep the peace?
LET ME GO FERAL ON THEM 😡
He should be flying off the handle at her DEMANDING she delete those posts. Then he should have marched her over to apologize. Then comes the talk with parents. Explaining to them how disgusted you are both at her lack of empathy. Lean on them to have a cone to Jesus talk to their daughter. It is simply unacceptable that she behaves this way.
Now you don’t have to forgive her, or make her your servant for a week or so, or have a relationship with her ever again. It’s up to you. But she should be held accountable by her own family, and they should be rallying around you. Instead, here we are.
Think long and hard about marrying into this family.
My condolences on your loss. Sending you all my love and hugs.
Updateme
You have a husband problem. You should be more important than keeping the peace with his wannabe influencer sister.
My cousin did this when my sister died. None of the immediate family had posted anything.
I don’t think I could get over this.
Condolences 💔
Ah a trauma vampire, she doesn’t get to feed off you anymore. Keep your boundaries.
You need to put your sister-in-law on the information diet. Tell your husband not to tell his sister anything that he wouldn’t want tweeted to the world.
I’m so sorry for your loss. If your husband doesn’t put his sister in her place immediately, then you have some hard decisions to make.
I would be LIVID,I have members of my family that tell us from the beginning, no health related info EVER on socials,and we ALL respect it. It’s not that hard
This is not a sister in law problem this is a husband problem. When you marry your partner BECOMES NUMBER 1! Not mom not dad and definitely not sister. Keeping the peace should mean doing whatever he needs to to protect you as his wife during this awful time. Your husband owes you to set strong boundaries with his sister and he needs to request she apologize and never mention you online again.
I am so sorry for your loss OP and for her making it about herself. When you’re able please talk to your husband about how he can put you first and how you two can support eachother through this loss.
Your SIL is heartless, selfish & cruel. If your husband doesn’t grasp that he may not be the right person for you.
Try this with your husband and see if it makes more sense, “Why are you prioritizing her peace over your grieving wife’s?”
Updateme
Fuck keeping the peace… tf? She’s also older than you? Hell no. Ngl I’d probably throw hands (fyi this is not in my nature but putting myself in your shoes… the audacity? I’d snap). I’m sorry that she not only cheapened YOUR experience by turning it into social media fodder. She’s morally bankrupt, how’s your relationship with your in laws? Anyway you could bring it up to the parents?
Him keeping the peace is him giving his sister permission. It’s not about keeping the peace and all about him not wanting to be in the line of fire for his sister and any other family member drama for doing what he is supposed to do and shutting down the inappropriate or undermining things his extended family(parents, siblings, aunts, etc) does to his family(wife and kids)
Your husband’s behavior is almost as bad as his sister. Show him these comments, cause I’m not the only person who thinks so.
What a psycho
NTAH.
First of all, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this and I hope you’re doing okay!
Second of all…. I’m sorry WHAT?!?! The audacity to not even bother to text you to check in and then go and live tweet about your private personal experience. That is INSANE and also unforgivable. I would never speak to her or go near her ever again. At the very least, I would never tell her anything about my life ever again. I’d let her find out all of your big milestones on social media since that’s where she likes to be apparently. If your husband doesn’t see an issue with his sister, he sucks and needs to learn how to set boundaries and stand up for his wife.
This is a huge problem for your husband to handle. I’m with you and wouldn’t go not give her any life info.
I’m so sorry about your loss.
This is beyond unacceptable and despicable what your SIL did.
I would tell your husband right TF now that he better tell his sister that nothing better ever be posted regarding you or your family EVER again. She needs to know from both of you that your lives are not content, not hers to share and to keep everything involving you of her feed. Set strict boundaries now so that your husband knows whose peace to keep.
Your husband wants to “keep the peace” with someone who turned your tragic loss into a social media event?? Why is he okay with that? Would he be equally okay if your sister or your friend had done that? Or would he expect you to cut them off and not speak to them?
Was this not a loss for your husband? I’ve had miscarriages. I cannot imagine someone doing to me what your juvenile SIL did, and then to have your husband tell you to just let it go is even worse. Tell your husband his sister is not welcome around you, and if he’s not on board with that, he can move in with her.
I am so sorry for your loss. Miscarriage is a pain that doesn’t entirely go away. You’ll think you’re okay, it can even be years later, then you’ll be watching a movie and a woman has a miscarriage on the show, and you’re sobbing. I hope your husband chooses your side and your peace. Hugs!
Again, so sorry you went through this
Coming from a marriage where my husband tried to ‘keep the peace’ for years from his crazy family…. Him ‘keeping the peace’ is doing the exact opposite. One day doing so WILL likely eat you alive because he is choosing a side. He just doesn’t understand it yet.
I just want to say that while your husband should have your back, he is also grieving the loss of his child. I think a lot of people here are judging him very harshly, forgetting that he is also mourning. Maybe give him some time before you demand he lay the smackdown on his sister.
I am so sorry for your loss. I honestly would burn bridges over this! Screen shot and group text him, his parents and anyone else who would be at a “family” event. Just state that you are unwilling to be near someone so heartless and callous about your miscarriage and you no longer consider her family.
EZ NC
“My mental health, my right not to be near your sister. You want to ‘keep the peace’, fix this. How you do that is up to you. All I know is, it doesn’t involve me doing a damn thing other than judging whether your effort and the outcome is acceptable.”
If your husband doesn’t shut her down and tell her off than you cannot trust him to have your back in the future. And that is someone you dont want to have a child with.
I.
Would.
Be.
Livid.
The fact he just lost his child too and isn’t more furious with his sister for sympathy farming and not trying even asking if you were cool with it… that’s beyond insensitive. There isn’t a word. She could argue she lost a niece or nephew… but you LOST YOUR CHILD. That trumps everything. You and your trauma come first… and the fact people knew about it before you could breathe, grieve, and then speak your peace… I would scream on the mountain that she was not coming near you till she apologized sincerely and understood why.
I’m more angry for you than your husband is. He needs to ask himself if he wants to be that guy where internet strangers support his grieving wife better than he does
Your friend should post – Hey you POS, they asked for privacy, and you are making posts for views.
((HUGS)) Sorry for your loss.
“keep the peace” can be directly translated to “this is AI bullshit”
I would tell her exactly what happened (People were texting you to ask about your miscarriage because of her tweets, when you weren’t prepared to answer their questions or ready to talk about the miscarriage). Show her that, no matter how sad she felt about it or how she wanted to work through that trauma online, her doing so made your grief public and more complicated.