So, a bit of background: I (21F) live in a small two-bedroom apartment, and my sister (25F) often comes over to hang out. We have a good relationship, but things have been a bit tense lately because of her “friend” (26F).
A few months ago, her friend was having some issues with her living situation, and my sister asked if she could crash at my place for a while. I said yes, because I trust my sister, and I figured it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
Well, about a week after Her Friend moved in, things started getting weird. She would take over the living room with her friends, be super loud until 2 a.m., and just generally make the place uncomfortable for me. I didn’t mind it at first, but it was getting ridiculous.
Then, a few weeks ago, I was in a major car accident. Nothing too serious, but I was banged up and shaken. I had to take time off work and honestly just needed a bit of peace and quiet to recover. I asked her if she could respect my space and keep the noise down for a bit while I healed. She gave me some half hearted apology but didn’t really make any effort to change anything.
Then, the final straw came. One night, I was in serious pain after a long day of doctor visits and tests. I asked her if she could turn the music down because I needed to sleep. She ignored me and kept blasting it. I ended up getting really upset and texting my sister about how her ,,Friend” was being inconsiderate. My sister blew up on me, saying that I was being “too sensitive” and that she was going through her own stuff and needed a place to unwind.
I told my sister I wasn’t comfortable with her staying at my place anymore, and that it wasn’t fair to me. My sister got really angry and said I was “selfish” and “heartless” for making her feel unwelcome when she’s already struggling.
Here’s where I might be the asshole after I had that conversation, I gave her an ultimatum: either she respects my space or she needs to leave. She got upset and packed up all her things that night. Now my sister is mad at me for making her “friend” feel unwanted, and we haven’t talked much since.
Am I the asshole for setting boundaries and asking my sister’s friend to leave, or was I too harsh considering her situation?
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So, a bit of background: I (21F) live in a small two-bedroom apartment, and my sister (25F) often comes over to hang out. We have a good relationship, but things have been a bit tense lately because of her “friend” (26F).
A few months ago, her friend was having some issues with her living situation, and my sister asked if she could crash at my place for a while. I said yes, because I trust my sister, and I figured it wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
Well, about a week after Her Friend moved in, things started getting weird. She would take over the living room with her friends, be super loud until 2 a.m., and just generally make the place uncomfortable for me. I didn’t mind it at first, but it was getting ridiculous.
Then, a few weeks ago, I was in a major car accident. Nothing too serious, but I was banged up and shaken. I had to take time off work and honestly just needed a bit of peace and quiet to recover. I asked her if she could respect my space and keep the noise down for a bit while I healed. She gave me some half hearted apology but didn’t really make any effort to change anything.
Then, the final straw came. One night, I was in serious pain after a long day of doctor visits and tests. I asked her if she could turn the music down because I needed to sleep. She ignored me and kept blasting it. I ended up getting really upset and texting my sister about how her ,,Friend” was being inconsiderate. My sister blew up on me, saying that I was being “too sensitive” and that she was going through her own stuff and needed a place to unwind.
I told my sister I wasn’t comfortable with her staying at my place anymore, and that it wasn’t fair to me. My sister got really angry and said I was “selfish” and “heartless” for making her feel unwelcome when she’s already struggling.
Here’s where I might be the asshole after I had that conversation, I gave her an ultimatum: either she respects my space or she needs to leave. She got upset and packed up all her things that night. Now my sister is mad at me for making her “friend” feel unwanted, and we haven’t talked much since.
Am I the asshole for setting boundaries and asking my sister’s friend to leave, or was I too harsh considering her situation?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I asked my sister’s friend, to leave after she repeatedly ignored my boundaries and kept being loud in my apartment. I was going through a tough time after a car accident, needing rest and quiet to recover. I asked her to respect my space and keep the noise down, but she ignored me. When my sister got upset about me asking her to leave, I started to wonder if I was being too harsh, given her own struggles. I feel conflicted because I know I have the right to set boundaries, but I also don’t want to be insensitive to my sister’s friend situation.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Your sister should step up and house her friend if she feels so strongly about this. How the hell is this your responsibility?
NTA. The squatter has no rights in your place. The first time you asked her to do something and she didn’t was the time to kick her out.
Really this is completely a you problem.
She wasn’t your friend, you never had to take her in and should have kicked her out after the first offence.
No obviously you’re NTA, the ‘friend’ has been living in your place for months, I assume rent free since you didn’t mention her paying anything. She was already taking advantage of you and couldn’t even be slightly considerate of your situation. Tell your sister that you gave her friend a place to stay rent free for months and that was already big hearted enough of you, at this point your sister can go ahead and let ‘friend’ live with her.
NTA
If someone is staying at your place, they should respect the rules you have in place, within reason. Doesn’t matter that you were in a car accident. Being loud until deep into the morning of the next day is extremely inconsiderate, especially when someone is opening their home to you.
Whenever I stay at someone’s place, I take EXTRA care that I abide by the rules of their house and attempt to make myself useful, rather than a burden.
I would’ve required a change of behavior a lot sooner if I was in your shoes.
NTA.
NTA. If your sister wants this friend to have a place to crash so badly, she can put her up.
A houseguest is exactly that, a guest, and there are solid expectations for how they should be behaving. This guest outstayed her welcome and she is INCREDIBLY lucky that you didn’t kick her out right after your accident knowing that you needed peace and quiet. She was asked, she refused, she got the boot, and that is ALL ON HER.
It’s weird that your sister wants to make this her problem too, but when she does eventually talk to you, it’s worth pointing out that her friend was a terrible guest to you and interfered with your ability to heal. She had to get booted, and no amount of “she’s going through something” gives her the right to take over your space.
You can recover in good conscience. Your sister owes you an apology, on her friend’s behalf and for trying to make you feel bad about this.
NTA who the hell invites other friends over to someone else’s house and then blasts music till 2am, no wonder she was “having some issues with her living situation” because she probably got threw out of there for her unreasonable behavior, you should have set a time limit on how long she could stay at the start and house rules, but she is your sisters friend and maybe she can step up and give her somewhere to live and see how she like the friend disrespecting her boundaries
Why doesn’t your sister give her a place to live then? NTA
NTA if she feels unwanted it’s because she is unwanted. Who would want an inconsiderate freeloader in their home? I would consider 86ing the sister for a while too as she sounds worse than the friend. You’ll probably feel less stressed with lower contact with her OP.
NTA. Your sister’s friend made herself unwanted by taking over the space completely and disrespecting the simple fact that she’s a guest, not the householder. I’d’ve booted her ass long before you did.
NTA at all
“She respects my space or she needs to leave” for a guest (I bet rent free, and overstaying) is nothing close to AH ultimatum.
Your sister has to take her in by herself. Period
Sisters inconsiderate friend can stay at sisters place.
NTA. You’re only an asshole to yourself, letting your sister’s friend walk all over you like that, and then letting your sister guilt trip you because you weren’t being a good enough doormat. That is your home, and the friend had no business making it her little hangout, blasting music, any of that bullshit. She should have been nothing but grateful for your help. To hell with both of them.
She has multiple friends including your sister, WTF is she not living with them? It’s incredibly suspicious. Your requests are not at all unreasonable. It sounds like she’s living rent free. You just asked her to not be a loud obnoxious moron. Also reevaluate your relationship with your sister. She did NOT pass the vibe check. NTA
NTA boundaries are good things. Take you peace and enjoy it
NTA. It’s an apartment, not a free-for-all nightclub. She disrespected your space, ignored you during a tough time, and still expected sympathy? Actions meet consequences—she can “unwind” somewhere else.
NTA. If someone is letting me stay at their place because I am in a tight spot, I am going to be the PERFECT houseguest.
After your accident, I would have been making you food and doing your laundry to show how much I appreciate you.