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Backup of the post’s body: So for context, I’m 16f, and he is 46m. I have a long name, for example, Anastasia, but I hate my name. I can acknowledge that it holds importance to my parents, so around relatives and guests, I let them introduce me as Anastasia, and the odd slip doesn’t really matter that much.
But my dad is adamant that Anastasia is my name, and I should be addressed as such even when I’ve made it known that I dont like it.
For context, I ask them to call me Ana, and I introduce myself to new people as Ana. If you call me Anastasia, I might not respond simply because it doesn’t register in my head. I’ve explained to both of my parents a thousand times why I prefer Ana. It’s shorter, easier to say, and it feels more like me.
When I was younger, say ages 5 to 13, I went primarily by Anastasia. However, at that time, I was also extremely anxious and in a very bad mental state. (I’m a lot better now, with therapy and medication, and I’ve managed to control my anxiety).
But being called Anastasia reminds me of that time of my life, which only adds to my dislike of the name. The name brings back lots of old feelings, and it just doesn’t fit me anymore and hasn’t for years.
Sometimes, my dad will call me Anastasia intentionally to make me upset. When we’re at the dinner table, for example, he’ll say things like “please pass the salt Anastasia” while giving me a look that makes me feel like he’s trying to prove a point. The point he’s trying to prove is that my legal name is Anastasia, and he doesn’t have to call me anything else.
Every time he’s done that, I’ve either redirected or just said “Ana, dad” while passing what he wants.
Here’s where i might be the jerk. Tonight, I was fed up. So I responded with “Sure, George” and passed him whatever he’d asked for.
He flipped out. He got very upset because I was being disrespectful, and I should never call him that again. I kept going and called him George (his legal name) a couple more times during that night. Additionally, he is adamant that “Anastasia isn’t your dead name, so i will continue to call you the name that i gave you.”
Now, my mom and him are saying I’m the jerk. So Reddit, thoughts?
Edit to add. My mom and dad do both call me primarily call me Ana. It’s just that my dad and I have had this argument many times before, with me saying that Ana is what I prefer and he should respect that and him saying that it’s not the name he gave me. My mom is of a similar opinion to him. However, she is less argumentative about it, and there are less conflicts. Whenever my dad and I fight about this, she always backs him. Additionally, I’ve made it known that I would be fine if he would rather call me Anya, Asia, Stacia, Annie, Stacy, literally any other variation or nickname for Anastasia or even my middle name. I understand that maybe his issue is with the name I’ve chosen, Ana, so I’ve offered him alternatives that don’t force him to call me by a name he doesn’t like and that doesn’t force me to hear my full name.
As to the comments suggesting I legally change my name once I’m of age, I have considered it. At this point in time, I don’t know what my actions going forward will be because the only person (people) who make a fuss about Ana are my dad and sometimes mom. I have also told my dad that I’m considering changing my name. Whenever I’ve said this, my entire family (dad, mom, brother) have basically called it stupid and said that I was being childish.
To those saying that this is how kids end up cutting off their parents, I dont see myself ever actually doing that. Despite this blip and the conflict, my dad is a generally amazing man who tries his hardest with what he’s been given. I love him very much, and he’s given me an amazing childhood. I’m just really getting frustrated with having to hear a name that I dont like nearly on the daily.
I’ve expressed my opinion to him, and every time, it has gone over similarly. We’ve been having this argument at least weekly for at least a couple of years.
I also did not claim to be trans. I am not transgender. I only made the comment of him likening Anastasia to being a dead name because he says it frequently. I am not trying to claim the struggles of the LGBTQ community or trans people. I hold immense respect for their struggles and successes, and i would never want to invalidate them by comparing our experiences. I only said that because my dad has made the comment multiple times, essentially trying to make the point to me that if I were transitioning then he would respect my name choice, but because it is just a preference of mine, it doesnt hold the same weight to him.
Thank you, everyone, for all the support and kindness in the comments, I greatly appreciate it. I hope you all have an amazing day!
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get a nifty flair change to let you know and we’ll drop a link so you can see our host’s take on your story.
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Backup of the post’s body: So for context, I’m 16f, and he is 46m. I have a long name, for example, Anastasia, but I hate my name. I can acknowledge that it holds importance to my parents, so around relatives and guests, I let them introduce me as Anastasia, and the odd slip doesn’t really matter that much.
But my dad is adamant that Anastasia is my name, and I should be addressed as such even when I’ve made it known that I dont like it.
For context, I ask them to call me Ana, and I introduce myself to new people as Ana. If you call me Anastasia, I might not respond simply because it doesn’t register in my head. I’ve explained to both of my parents a thousand times why I prefer Ana. It’s shorter, easier to say, and it feels more like me.
When I was younger, say ages 5 to 13, I went primarily by Anastasia. However, at that time, I was also extremely anxious and in a very bad mental state. (I’m a lot better now, with therapy and medication, and I’ve managed to control my anxiety).
But being called Anastasia reminds me of that time of my life, which only adds to my dislike of the name. The name brings back lots of old feelings, and it just doesn’t fit me anymore and hasn’t for years.
Sometimes, my dad will call me Anastasia intentionally to make me upset. When we’re at the dinner table, for example, he’ll say things like “please pass the salt Anastasia” while giving me a look that makes me feel like he’s trying to prove a point. The point he’s trying to prove is that my legal name is Anastasia, and he doesn’t have to call me anything else.
Every time he’s done that, I’ve either redirected or just said “Ana, dad” while passing what he wants.
Here’s where i might be the jerk. Tonight, I was fed up. So I responded with “Sure, George” and passed him whatever he’d asked for.
He flipped out. He got very upset because I was being disrespectful, and I should never call him that again. I kept going and called him George (his legal name) a couple more times during that night. Additionally, he is adamant that “Anastasia isn’t your dead name, so i will continue to call you the name that i gave you.”
Now, my mom and him are saying I’m the jerk. So Reddit, thoughts?
Edit to add. My mom and dad do both call me primarily call me Ana. It’s just that my dad and I have had this argument many times before, with me saying that Ana is what I prefer and he should respect that and him saying that it’s not the name he gave me. My mom is of a similar opinion to him. However, she is less argumentative about it, and there are less conflicts. Whenever my dad and I fight about this, she always backs him. Additionally, I’ve made it known that I would be fine if he would rather call me Anya, Asia, Stacia, Annie, Stacy, literally any other variation or nickname for Anastasia or even my middle name. I understand that maybe his issue is with the name I’ve chosen, Ana, so I’ve offered him alternatives that don’t force him to call me by a name he doesn’t like and that doesn’t force me to hear my full name.
As to the comments suggesting I legally change my name once I’m of age, I have considered it. At this point in time, I don’t know what my actions going forward will be because the only person (people) who make a fuss about Ana are my dad and sometimes mom. I have also told my dad that I’m considering changing my name. Whenever I’ve said this, my entire family (dad, mom, brother) have basically called it stupid and said that I was being childish.
To those saying that this is how kids end up cutting off their parents, I dont see myself ever actually doing that. Despite this blip and the conflict, my dad is a generally amazing man who tries his hardest with what he’s been given. I love him very much, and he’s given me an amazing childhood. I’m just really getting frustrated with having to hear a name that I dont like nearly on the daily.
I’ve expressed my opinion to him, and every time, it has gone over similarly. We’ve been having this argument at least weekly for at least a couple of years.
I also did not claim to be trans. I am not transgender. I only made the comment of him likening Anastasia to being a dead name because he says it frequently. I am not trying to claim the struggles of the LGBTQ community or trans people. I hold immense respect for their struggles and successes, and i would never want to invalidate them by comparing our experiences. I only said that because my dad has made the comment multiple times, essentially trying to make the point to me that if I were transitioning then he would respect my name choice, but because it is just a preference of mine, it doesnt hold the same weight to him.
Thank you, everyone, for all the support and kindness in the comments, I greatly appreciate it. I hope you all have an amazing day!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.