My boyfriend’s mom was talking about his ex in front of me and I’m wondering how I feel about it (Also ranting, I think)

I’m sorry for the long post!

I should also preface that I posted about this on another sub but I’m not sure I went about it the right way. That’s my fault. I also know it’s the internet…. So there’s that, but, was hoping to bounce some thoughts around so that maybe I can gain a different perspective or better understanding. From that post, I was told that I’m a dramatic person who can’t understand that other people had past relationships and I need to get over myslef and sort out my issues before I blow up my relationship. If that’s the verdict, I want to be better, but I was hoping for more than conclusory statements, so if you could provide any thoughts/ your interpretation of this so that I can just work through it, I would appreciate it!

Again, this will probably be long. My first post was short because I thought I was being objective and I wasn’t trying to persuade anyone that what I felt was “right.” I was trying to convey what happened from my pov without trying to paint anyone as inherently bad. On top of that, I was just worried about identifying details in case someone I knew saw this. I also just tend to ramble so I was really trying to avoid that the first time, but here I am rambling….. So apologies again, but I will try my best!

I have been with my boyfriend around two years now. He comes from a pretty tight knit family and we get along fine. We disagree on some things, but they don’t even know that. I’m a “smile and nod” kind of person, which probably isn’t a good thing, I’ve learned. I was invited to his cousin’s bridal shower. I didn’t particularly want to go, but have a hard time saying no so I went and it was fine. It was super cute. If anything I was just tired by the end of it because the past work week.

There was this one moment, though, when we were sitting at the table. It was boyfriend’s mom, aunts, another cousin and her children. The seats are so close together I had to slide my chair out of my boyfriend’s mom or aunt needed to get up because the placement was just so tight.

Everyone is really talkative. I am too but I have no problem hanging back when other people are going on and on. I prefer it. We were talking about the cousin’s children and their summer vacation plans, school difficulties and things like that. Suddenly my boyfriend’s mom drops to a whisper and leans over to the cousin across the table and I can hear her but I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be hearing it because it went from yelling since it was so loud in the room, to whispering and only engaging with the cousin across the table. I don’t anything but I remember finding it funny that they were suddenly whispering but, again, I can hear exactly what they’re saying. My boyfriend’s mom ask the cousin if she’s heard from Kayla (made up name) recently because she was so great and that she missed her. They go back and forth for awhile. Talked about how wonderful she was and how everyone really loved her.

I was smiling because I found it sort of funny. It reminded me of those scenes on tv when people are whispering but clearly everyone can hear. They chat about this Kayla for a bit and it dawns on me that that’s my boyfriend’s ex, which makes it even funnier to me. We’ve never talked about exes in depth but I recognized her name from when it was mentioned in passing. Later that night when my boyfriend and I were having dinner, he asked how the shower went and I told him about the whole shower and how his family says “hi” and I did tell him about his mom and cousin talking about Kayla and we laughed about. I feel like I have to say this because for some reason my last post was interpreted as my relationship falling apart over this, even when I said we didn’t fight about. Literally nothing happened. We had a good laugh because it was funny how they were whispering but I was sitting right there and I could hear everything.

That being said, it doesn’t mean I don’t have thoughts. I do look at his mom a bit differently, I’ll admit that. But it’s because the way everything unfolded was just….. weird to me. From my perspective, even if I found this funny and I can laugh about it, it also seems a tad bit rude, though I’m not sure that’s the word I’m looking for. If it were either of my parents whispering about my ex while my boyfriend was there, I think I would be mortified and I would just feel so bad because it’s not like the ex came up naturally in a story. The conversation was summoned out of nowhere and what I thought was kind of an odd way. I think if it were the other way around, my boyfriend would be livid and I would be livid for him. That being said, my relationship with him and his mom has not imploded. There’s no ongoing fight or anything and I’m trying to sort out what’s in my head. I know it’s hard to believe but, I have a brain and SOMETIMES it thinks lmao. Does it think about important things? Not really…. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have thoughts it’s trying to process 😂 All in all, I did find the circumstances a bit weird, even if it wasn’t malicious. Is it overreacting to call it rude? I just felt like it was a little rude even if I did laugh about it. Can both exist at the same time?? I think I’m even more at a loss after reading I was blowing this out of proportion.

Again, I’m sorry this is long! If you made it this far, thank you and I appreciate your thoughts and interpretation and if at the end of it I am deemed dramatic and I am overreacting, I will work to get over myself!