I’m asking because I saw a post on self about someone on r/ self talking about how to combat physical violence from random attackers and perpetrators who are also loved ones. The replies were quite surprising with many people calling the poster mentally ill while also saying that there’s no point to learning self defense because men are inherently stronger. I’ve also encountered this sentiment in real life where guys have pointed out my pepper spray and made snarky remarks about it or claiming that I hated men too much. I think most normal people think it’s smart to prepare for attackers, even if it’s not so common. I also think it’s good to examine if your significant other or close family show signs of being potentially violent. Learning to protect yourself as a woman doesn’t mean that you’re overly paranoid and I’m surprised that there are men who think this way.
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These men are telling on themselves. Literally all the decent men in my life including my partner have actively encouraged me to stay safe, doing whatever it takes. On the positive side, these men have told you who they are. So at least you now know.
The only people who object to making predators’ lives harder are predators.
Yes. The first time my ex-husband lost his temper with me was when I enrolled in self-defence classes. I should have seen this red flag for what it was, and got out immediately, but I didn’t. I did have the sense to call his mother, who told me to tell my family, which I did. He backed off for a bit after that.
I learned some very useful, very nasty tricks off the ex-Paras teaching the course. But I wish I’d heeded the red flag in my own relationship. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Some men don’t realise just how loudly they tell on themselves. If you tell someone you feel unsafe and instead of asking how they can make you feel safer they tell you you’re being dramatic – run.
Definitely. There is always some dude hot to tell me that there’s no way I could really defend myself and I shouldn’t encourage women to do it because somehow then it will be me getting them hurt. They so heavily identify with the attacker that they try to guilt me instead of a hypothetical attacker.
They are right to some degree, women are statistically not a ton better off with self defence training than without because of the strength differential. If you learn jiu jitsu and also get super strong through weightlifting you’ll probably fold a lot of guys, but its a huge investment just to be stronger than like half of guys.
That said: learning a martial art is fun, and you will feel stronger, and a lot of martial arts come with mental practices that help ease the mind, so its hard to put a price on peace of mind.
I would say its always better to run than fight, but knowing how to throw a punch is not gonna be a bad thing when you have no choice.
Back to your other point: yeah those guys suck. Theres this weird obsession with “being a protector” in a lot of men, and by learning to defend yourself they feel like you’re undermining them somehow. Its a very lack of introspection sort of view, but a lot of guys have it. You can spare a bit of pity for people who dont even realise they have trapped themselves with a toxic masculinity based view, but mostly just ignore them, and do what feels good. Internet warriors arent going away any time soon
I saw the post you’re talking about, and with a lot of empathy for the reaction you had (honestly I felt the same reading the kind-of self congratulatory answers) I’ve got to side with a lot of the comments there
Starting on T is an absolute rollercoaster — you put on muscle even while sitting at your desk doing nothing all day, you get so aggressive, it’s like absolutely nothing I’d experienced before
I think it’s genuinely dangerous to assume that learning how to break out of a lock or knee someone in the balls will protect you, because honestly the difference in just raw strength made me feel scared for the person I was and for my little sister
To which I reply, it only takes me being wrong about one of you for my life to end.