I’m getting married next year and haven’t shared the exact date with my family yet. My younger sister has a habit of copying everything I do—same college, same career path, even adopted a dog from the same shelter after I did.
She recently got engaged and asked me for my wedding date. I told her we hadn’t finalized it yet, even though we have. My fiancé agrees that we should keep it private until closer to the date, worried she might schedule hers near ours to compete or upstage us.
My parents think I’m being petty and should just tell her. I said I will—just not now. Now the family’s divided.
AITA?
Comments
I hope you didn’t tell your parents what the date is, cause they’ll go right behind your back and tell her just because they think you’re being petty. I can’t stand people like that
Just tell her you’ll only tell her if she promises not to set a date within a month beforehand
Tell her a date that is several months away from yours.
Ah, all the other wedding warnings go along with this. Lock down, and set up passwords with, your venue. Your officiant. Your florist. Your caterer. Your deejay or band. Your dress shop. Your honeymoon destination. All of them.
And swear all of them to secrecy, too. If anybody calls them asking for information about you, or about certain dates, they are to feign ignorance.
NTA though she may just end up scheduling to get married on the same date the following year.
NTA. Why is it petty when she has a proven track record of having zero original ideas?
Like trying to outdo you or because she admires you. Either way NTA
Send out save-the-dates so your sister can’t pull anything. Then she’ll know but so will everyone else.
She can get the invite in the VERY last set of invites sent out. No more than 2 weeks from the date. If she cannot come…. shame.
WHY is the family concerned about Sis’ need to know YOUR info!? Tell them to share anything THEY are doing w/her, your life should not be of their concern!
NTA but you need to lock down your dates before she does. Send save the dates to everyone. That way if she decides to book close to your date, everyone will know she’s doing it.
Updateme! Nta
A true life bride wars! Seriously nail all your vendors now and tell her the date later!
A sibling going to same college and same career path really aren’t good examples of her copying you. Many siblings go to same school and same careers – I know three siblings who all are teachers and went the same college because it was known for it’s teaching program. As for the dog, maybe she saw the success you had adopting there and wanted to success story too. It is odd she asked for your date though. I would keep it secret.
Like everyone’s saying – no, and don’t share other details either. Unfortunately you’ll probably also need to keep your parents in the dark as they don’t seem to appreciate how bad this dynamic has gotten, but also, you may want to actually hash this out. What’s going on? Doesn’t she want her own life? You’d love to share your life with her and your parents but you can’t handle this competitive dynamic anymore, because I’m thinking ahead: homes, kids, vehicles etc thus could go on forever. Alternatively, feed her some false details and then let her and your parents pretend she wasn’t copying you (so they can’t be upset!) when she copies them
If you don’t tell her your date, there is still a chance she will schedule & announce the date. And if it’s the same as yours, YOU will look like the copy cat. Send out your “save the date” cards or invites soon to prevent this from happening.
I do agree with others that your mother might let the secret out to prevent “family stress.”
But I get your point.
NTA
If her wedding is better, it will upstage your’s no matter when it happens.
But that only matters if you consider this to be some competition. This day should be about the official beginning on an important stage of life. You are just playing into your sisters (perceived or real) pettiness. If you don’t play her game, there is no game.
Family is divided by a wedding date that they’re not sure was finalized? What?
Is your family a bunch of idiots?
How much of this is ai?
Tell your family to mind their own business, Tell your sister to go kick rocks, I had a better word than kick rocks but rethought it 😂. No and don’t back down.
Do her one better.
Give her a date that is nowhere near the date you’ve chosen.
Tell her the name of a caterer you haven’t selected.
And give her the contact info for a venue that you decided not to book.
Show her photos of the dress that you won’t be wearing.
I’m sure you can come up with a few other ideas.
Wait until she has paid deposits on everything before you send out your invitations. And enjoy the meltdown.
NTA.
Give “her” a fake date. And wait for her to make her official announcement first and then give your family the real date. If she changes it to match yours then uninvite her.
NTA it’s not petty it’s being practical
Decide on date! Do all of prep, venue flowers dress tuxes, honeymoon colors destination all set in stone paid for all password protected!! Send out save the dates before you tell anyone anything!!! Then everyone knows all of your info before she can make any of her decisions!
NTAH and stay strong. I hope your parents don’t tell her bc I’m guessing she can be persistent.
Tell her a winter wedding if you are going with summer, fall and spring similarly. Long and short….lie. If needed tell her you are delaying a year into 2027.
Just tell her you haven’t decided yet, because you’re trying to line up venues and/or catering
Change the subject and ask her what HER plans are. Does she want a spring, summer, fall or winter wedding?
If she asks specifics be sure to tell her decent local places that you 100% do not want to hire/rent
No need to misdirect her towards bad options, just don’t tell her the ones you ARE planning on hiring (because she’ll not only take your date, but your catering and photographer that day too!)
If your wedding is June 1, tell her that your date is September 1.
Give her a date for your wedding, just not the actual one. Give her one a few months away from yours.
NTA
Give her a date 2 months after what you’ve planned. Then, closer to day you’ve changed to new date.
Not sure why your family cares
Just ask if she wants to be you so bad she needs that day also, if she cant have an original thought.
NTA
When you do give her the date, tell her a different honeymoon destination than the one you’re going to.
NTA – decide your date, don’t tell her, do your bookings and such, and then tell her a different date far off from yours. Tell her the fake date a day after you’ve mailed the Save the Dates.
Give her a bogus date based on when her wedding would be convenient for you.
NTA
You are petty
Is she the golden child ?
Give them a fake date.
Omg omg I would have so much fun with this lol.
Ok I’m just going to use opposite of what it had as an example don’t come for me lol
If your fiance is a farmer
2. Decorations tell her what you are going go farm theme type stuff (open season theme )
3. Camouflage are the colors dark greens
4. If your fiance hunts, shot gun shell center pieces (mason jars with twigs coming out with spent shotgun shells on the ends)
Burlap cloth for table cloths white daisy’s around the place.
5. Bridesmaid dresses with cowboy boots
Just whatever is believable, keep everything opposite of what you are going to do. Make a planning board with all of it out so she can see the vision.
Then boom! You have yours completely different!
Insert evil laughter here!
Edit: spelling typos
NTA. You can do this but you’re going to have to put your parents and any other family members on an information diet as well.
She can’t compete with or upstage you if you don’t care.
You won’t be TA if you don’t tell her the date but you DO run the risk of her choosing a date near yours – or the same as yours – just out of coincidence. As many have said, send a Save the Date to extended family first and then tell your immediate family. Lock in your vendors, protect them with a password, and then just plan the day you want without worrying what she is doing about hers.
Sure, robot.
u/bot-sleuth-bot
Have you ever read the book Stephanie’s Ponytail?!
Just tell them. Different date before yours
Do you mean AITAI? Because this is definitely written by AI.
Jokingly say IN FRONT OF FAMILY ‘why do you need to know right now, so you can copy the date or plan yours in the days or the month before/after mine? Hahaha’
And make out like it’s a joke but give her a little stare down
Please please keep your parents or any friends/family who you know will blab on an information diet. Too bad you can do surprise wedding.
NTA
NTA, but if your newly engaged sister claims a date before you announce yours then YOU will have to work around her date. Keeping your date to yourself doesn’t mean you are ‘saving the date’ until it is claimed all dates are fair game. Including any other family members planning vacations, weddings, reunions, graduation parties, baby showers, etc… There’s a reason people announce the dates ASAP so that people can plan accordingly. Keeping the dates to yourselves because your sister may do something is silly. It very well may end up biting you in the ass.
Give her a date 3 months later than your actual date or 2 months earlier
NTA. Tell your sister you are waiting for dates from the venue you think you want with a fake time frame three months after your date. When she announces a date in that timeframe, tell her that there was a cancellation and you were able to get an earlier date that is far enough away from hers to be an issue.
Jesus — give her a fake date!
I Can’t believe the ‘family does for family’ line didn’t come up in this AI post
Y’all know your getting worked up over a fake AI post?
Tell her a different date, not anywhere near yours, and see if she plans hers around or ON that date. Then at least you won’t have to worry about her planning for the same day. Once her deposits are paid you’re set. Unless she’s psycho enough to lose deposits just to upstage you. In that case you should elope and cut her off.
Updateme
NTA- if you’ve already made deposits etc for your date I’d send out those save a dates to all family quickly. If she gets wind of your date she’ll book the same date and get hers out first, then you’ll have to delay a lot to not look like you’re coping her.
As for venders, password everything; but also give her wrong information. Show her pics of setups you’re not using, different colors etc and then change your mind. Do centerpieces that people can take home or are rented/die or else she’ll try and save yours to use at hers.
Congratulations and good luck on your wedding planning!
NTA.
I’m seconding send out save the dates soon and give her incorrect information in regards to theme, dress, style, etc
Tell your parents you will as long as she stays away 30 days before and after from your date on penalty of no support or attendance from them. Put it in writing.
Also make sure your pregnant at your wedding so you can really upstage her.
It’d be a shame if you told your parents the wrong date. June 30th. Oh! I’m sorry! I meant September 30th! Silly me!
Give her a date that is 4 months after your date.
Think about it.
Wed-ding Mad Libs
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Wed-ding Mad Libs
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Give them a much earlier date. Let her plan a double wedding, then show up as a guest.
“My fiancé agrees that we should keep it private until closer to the date, worried she might schedule hers near ours to compete or upstage us.”
—She may make schedule a very hastily arranged marraige around that time anyway. Once you send invites with a date and don’t tell her, all bets are off since she might find out. Even partial comments on social media will send her in to overdrive to get more details form people and pester you. The invitation launch will have to be very meticulously decided.
Lie to her. Then when she makes her announcement you can say, opsie gave you the wrong date