I am a 25 year old guy. I work out regularly and I am in decent shape, though I am on the shorter side at 5 foot 8. I have no fighting experience or training.
Yesterday, as I was leaving my office and walking through the parking garage, I passed by an elevator just as the doors were closing. In that split second, I saw a man violently slam a woman to the floor. I was shocked. He was much bigger than me, at least eight inches taller and probably over fifty pounds heavier.
I froze for a moment but immediately called 911 and gave them the exact location. There was no one else around and I did not know either of them. I stayed nearby and waited until the police arrived about ten minutes later. I watched them arrest the man.
Now I keep replaying it in my head. I feel like I should have done more. Should I have physically stepped in? Could I have used something I had on me, like a heavy metal water bottle, to stop him? What would have happened legally if I had hit him? I keep thinking that if it had been someone I loved in that elevator, I would not have hesitated. But I also know I could have gotten hurt or made it worse.
I feel guilty and a little ashamed. I do not know if I did the right thing. I am just looking for honest thoughts from people who might understand.
EDIT:
Thank you all for the support. I am still processing this since it just happened yesterday and I have never witnessed something so violent in real life before.
I have been thinking a lot since then. I am considering taking up a combat sport, carrying a taser, and maybe even legally owning a firearm someday. I never want to feel that powerless again; whether it is protecting my loved ones or even strangers who might need help.
I know life is not like the movies, and I am not invincible. But I also believe evil wins when good people stand by and do nothing This was a wake up call for me, and I am going to use it as a learning experience to prepare better for the future.
I hope that lady is okay, and I hope that dickhead is contemplating his life choices and seeks penance.
Comments
You did the right thing. You acted, and the guy was arrested. Don’t beat yourself up (no pun intended).
You don’t have training for this kind of situation, let the police handle it.
Its better for you to call the police on him than someone calling for an ambulance for you.
You were caught off guard in disbelief. You did the right thing by calling the cops tho
Sometimes people intervene and come out a hero. Some come out dead. You never know what situation you’re walking into.
I’m not getting involved in something that doesn’t involve me that can wind up with me getting stabbed or shot.
Nah not worth the risk.
Props to those who do I guess but I ain’t dying for some random.
Unless you are trained on how to intervene, you did the better thing in these circumstances by reporting it to the police immediately and acting as a witness.
No one wants a dead/severely injured hero if that can be avoided.
You absolutely did the right thing. Let the trained professionals deal with this. There is no upside here.
You did the right thing, there. You don’t want to step in, only to have the other guy claim you attacked him, which ends up with you being arrested.
Call 911. Be a good witness.
You might think you’re tough, but there is always someone out there much tougher or crazier than you.
Family ? I will fight to the death. Others ? I ain’t getting knifed or shot or sued.
I think you’re good, man. You intervened. You weren’t a passerby. You took the proper steps and the situation came to a head in a just manner.
Now, if you called the cops, and the cops weren’t there yet and the guy started pummeling her or something… that’s another story. Even if you’re smaller and weaker, I think at that point yes you would pretty much have to step in and take your chances.
You don’t get involved in domestic situations. The psychological dynamics are beyond what you can tell from a few seconds of observation. The women will often even turn on you. They are known as the worse situations even for cops. They always come with backup.
Call the cops and keep your distance. Not worth the trouble.
You have no moral or legal duty to intervene if you think it puts you at great risk of harm. You also would be morally and legally justified to intervene in that situation. Certain situations, in my opinion, men in society are morally obligated to intervene, like something that puts a child at great risk of harm or violence I would say you have a moral duty to intervene. Still no legal duty to put yourself at risk, but a moral duty to do so. Sometimes, in some situations (like the one you described) the best course of action is to call law enforcement and be a good witness. Now if it was you and 2 of your able bodied male friends witnessing this, you’d probably be better off intervening. But just you yourself, with a guy you think could easily render you unconscious or dead, nah you did the right thing. There’s every chance that you stepping in A) makes two injured people instead of one and B) makes the violence toward the woman even worse after you’re incapacitated.
What did you want to do? Pry open the elevator doors? Plus, you never know what the guy is capable of doing to you. We already know he’s violent, so what if he tried to kill you if you got involved in a situation where no one else was around? You did the right thing.
I wouldn’t.
I’m in an ambulance service and something a manager said to me when I first started has always stuck. “I don’t give a fuck what happens to your patient as long as you make it home safe to your family at the end of your shift”. I fully understand the urge to jump in but if you do and the cops don’t come one patient can easily turn into 2, does he have a knife? Does he have a gun? Call for help, try to deescalate and if it all goes pear shaped get the fuck out.
That was the appropriate action. You’re not helping if you just end up getting hurt
I’m a strong believer in minding my own business. Call the police and move on.
Hell no, you never get involved in lover’s quarrels. The woman and the man usually turn against the intervening party. You did the right thing.
No. You’re not John Wick. Even if you were and knocked the guys lights out, which he arguably deserves, you’d be looking at jail time and/or a lawsuit. The victim may even vouch for the bastard and say you started the whole thing. Chances are though the dude would be more ready to be violent than you are then hit you in a way that alters your life for the worse.
You stuck around, that is a lot. Unless someone’s life threatened, I would probably do the same because you never know what you are up against. Even if a life is threatened though, you still wouldn’t be wrong for not intervening, it could be your life. Great job on not just ignoring the situation.
The feelings of guilt and shame is due to moral injury. You did the right thing OP and it’s normal to question yourself afterwards.
U did good. You dont know if yhat asshole packin heat
No. Why on earth would you?
That sounds like its the testosterone speaking. And while it is commendable to stand up for the oppressed, we are living in a precarious time where political figures are being assassinated and chaotic mobs of angry youth are rampaging and looking to take out their rage on anyone naive enough to get close.
I certainly won’t be the one to dissuade you from trying to de-escalate or intervene in such situations, but you should be alert to the consequences and weigh the pros/cons of such interventions. If you are willing to risk potential bodily harm to come to someone’s aid, by all means, the world could use more people doing good deeds. If that kind of danger seems too real then calling the police during such a situation is the better part of valor.
Shorter side at 5’8? 😂
That’s around average height.
Also, nobody should involve themselves in physical violence. Classes that teach self defense first teach de-escalation because there are no winners in a street fight.
As a former firefighter and EMS employee, the best thing you could have done was stay on the scene and stay on the phone to talk with the dispatcher. Continuing to provide information to the dispatcher, then to the police, is more helpful than anything else you could have done.
The last thing you want is to get involved, and end up getting hurt, cut, or shot. Then emergency services has 2 victims to deal with and you have a ton of medical (or funeral) bills to pay.
I heard an actor in a movie say once that “There’s nothing wrong with being a hero, except most of them are dead!” You were the best hero you could be in this situation. Hold your head up and be proud.
In my own country i would assess the situation and possibly intervene, if I was American, fuck no, your country is gun crazy and im not getting shot.
Retired cop here, no one expects you to intervene. It is genuinely risky. I’ve seen good people get killed trying to stop bad people from hurting others. That being said, when people do intervene, I always made sure to thank them and let them know how much good they did in doing so while explaining the hazardous reality of doing so.
He’ll nawww mind your business for the most part
If it dont involve the safety of children then no.
I’ve got old comments about intervening twice in domestic violence situations and both times when the police showed up the women eventually changed their story including one trying to claim despite video evidence a friend and I were the aggressors.
Neither my circus nor my monkeys, then not my business.
Call the cops and carry on.
I got a 37-5 youth boxing record and 3-0 amateur mma record and a shit ton of jiu jitsu competition medals. None of that means shit to a bullet.
You did perfectly fine as someone without previous experience. I woulda snuck up and bonked him on the head with the bottle. But I dont trust you have the dexterity to do that.
If it’s to defend someone I know, I might step in. For a stranger? Probably just call the cops.
I’m not a big guy and I have no way of knowing if the other guy is armed.
You called the cops, you did something. That’s the right thing.
You caught a split second of a scenario. That’s not nearly enough context to make the right choice. For all you know, he could have been defending himself against an attack.
You did the right thing by letting law enforcement handle it. In this case, it seems you would have been right about your assessment of the scenario, but you might not be next time.
In the case of something obvious like a mass shooter, I’d definitely say you should shoot back – but for anything that you can’t be 100% sure of, it’s best to be a good witness.
You did the right thing in calling the cops and staying out of it. Unless she is screaming bloody murder, you don’t know what type of situation you’re getting involved in and if they are a couple they would most likely turn on you for your “good deed”. Like others have said on here, you’re under no obligation to put yourself in mortal danger for someone else.
You did the right thing. I’ve intervened in shit like this before but ONLY after calling the police and ONLY when there was a group of us.
Domestic situations can be hard to judge as an outsider. Had a friend who witnessed a guy slapping his girlfriend around in public. When he intervened, the guy and his girlfriend turned round and started beating him up. You never really know what’s going on inside a relationship
You can intervene without getting physical. I’d firmly the guy to stop and tell him I’m calling the cops. Hopefully it would stop his assault. If he started to approach me I’d leave.
No, don’t be the hero. It’s not worth dying over.
People can be unhinged and you really have no idea what could happen.
Five foot eight is a half inch over the global average height for men. You’re perfectly average, don’t let sweat hogs and tinder thots influence your self image.
Don’t risk your ass for a random chick. That’s what the cops are for. They get paid for it.
In general, it is a bad idea to enforce the law without the authority to do so (and the legal, physical, and moral backup that comes with it). If you try, you don’t resolve the situation. Instead you just add to it, become a part of it.
Now in the absence of proper authorities, then yes, intervention might be the right thing to do. But you have to know more about a situation to get involved, especially when you’re going into a situation where the outcome of a physical confrontation is in doubt.
Things like this remind me of a story that happened to me on the bus. There was a guy harassing these 2 girls. Not physically touching them but he was saying some vile shit. LIke “girls like you get raped around here.” Man I wanted to say something so bad but something inside me stopped it. Fast forward the guy is about to get off the bus, as soon as he stands up a pistol falls out of his pocket on the bus floor. Dude picked up that pistol so fast and booked it off the bus. Moral of the story some mother fuckers are unhinged. I know for certain if I stepped in and it ended up getting physical which it probably would have I’d probably be dead.
I think you’re expected to call the cops and that’s it. Putting yourself in harm’s way is entirely up to you, yourself. I will never blame anyone not willing to do that for a stranger.
Chances are that if he’s hitting a woman he’s probably a little bitch and you could’ve taken him, with that being said you don’t really know what people are capable of. He could’ve had a gun or a knife. You did the right thing.
As a man you’re more likely to be seriously injured than a woman.
People take it easy on women but see men as fair game for full strength.
Does it pertain to you? No
Did the right thing.
When you intervene in stuff like that you’re accepting the risk of being severely injured or worse. If you’re okay with that go for it.
You arent a cop you may have prevailed or ended up dead or he could have sued you its a risk most people dont consider lol you did help at the end of the day the man was arrested you did the right thing not jumping in by yourself
Most people who live in relatively peaceful societies — places where brawling is uncommon — have wildly inaccurate ideas about how dangerous a fistfight is (very), and men who’ve never been in a fistfight tend to overestimate their abilities. Whether you should engage really depends on the circumstances, but hold onto some humility when it comes to your own self-estimation.
You don’t need to put yourself in a position to fight. Sometimes just being a distraction or checking in on her can stop what’s going on. Maybe talk loudly as if you’re on the phone and yell something like “some guy seems to beating on a woman! I just called 911! If I don’t call you back in 5 minutes send them to [this location].” That might be enough to get him to think twice about continuing what he’s doing or attacking you.
You an always do something. Even if it’s calling the police. But it’s also fine to prioritize your safety.
If you don’t know how to protect yourself, others, and bring people down without throwing punches and kicks…. you probably shouldn’t. I always tell people to take a wrestling, jujitsu or a good self defense class and practice for 3-6 months. It’s just important. I’ve been jumped and have had to intervene multiple times in my life. Every fight I’ve been in ended with me holding them down until they were too embarrassed to continue. It pays to know how to do these things.
If you got your head smashed into the pavement and had to use a cane for life, would you have felt better because you physically intervened?
You had to obligation to help, but you did anyway, and the assailant was arrested. Sounds like a win to me.
You did the right thing. Police officers hate going to domestic violence calls because of the number of women that change their mind once the police show up. If you had jumped in, there is a non-zero chance that he beats your ass and the woman corroborates the attackers story. You don’t know if the man has a weapon or what his experience fighting is.
You did not know this woman. You still acted with human decency and called the police and stuck around. If this had been your wife, girlfriend, mother, sister, close relative, etc., you call the police (or get someone else to call) and physically intervene.
No never engage or try to break up an altercation, unless the odds are clearly in your favor as in you’re in a group and the group can act against the assailant and even then maybe reconsider. Just call the police.
Many men have gotten killed or injured trying to break up a fight between a woman and a man, and only for the woman still leave the scene with the piece of shit that was using her as a punching bag.
Its not worth it and don’t let people belittle you for it.
No, especially if you are not trained.
Problem with intervening physically is that you might get an assault charge against you. Especially if you don’t have fighting experience and especially if you use tools.
The law is biased towards “a fair fight”, which is weird, so using tools might more easily convict you of assault.
All of this obviously varies depending on where you live, which country and/or if it’s a U.S. state the rules might differ.
However, knocking someone unconscious might be considered excessive in some places. And unless it’s your family involved — always prioritize yourself first. If it’s family I’m willing to take the risk.
Nope don’t risk your life to play hero, especially for a stranger you have never even met, it’s never worth it. Alert the proper authorities, let them handle it
Physical intervention is rarely the best option. Sure if you’re physically larger and heavier than the fighters then you can try break it up and call the cops. But if anyone carries a weapon then physical intervention just makes you a victim
I’m 5’11. Where I come from, that’s above average height, so I used to be able command attention in my home country. But even then I rarely took to physical intervention because I never knew if someone had a knife tucked away
I’ll never get involved with someone else’s domestic violence nonsense. Maybe the woman in question really was blindsided by some psycho but most women who date abusers have made repeated terrible choices. Oh, you’re drawn to scumbags? Yeah, sorry, I’m not risking my safety to bail you out.
I’ll call the cops and testify against the dude in court but I’m not getting physically involved. Cops will tell you they hate DV calls since they’re so dicey, and it’s not uncommon for the victim to attack the police.
You don’t know who is a trained badass or who is just absolute batshit crazy and willing to kill a person these days. You did the right thing.
It’s also a case by case scenario. If it was a drunk dude causing issues and pushed a girl in a bar, I’d probably wrap him up or knock him out. Getting physically involved in a domestic situation where the guy is clearly off of his rocker like this, I wouldn’t have gotten in the mix either.
I think if u intervened and fought the guy, you’d most likely get in trouble too. You reported it to the authorities. Good move!
Ya you acted which resulted in the separation of an abuser and his victim.
It’s only bad when you see and choose to do nothing
You aren’t Batman and real life can get really messy really quickly.
Seems like you did the right thing. Anything could have happened, there are many variables going on. If you came at him swinging a water bottle he is just as likely to back up as he is to fight you. Impossible to know what would happen.
It seems like the guy got arrested and the lady survived, so you did okay.
I had a violent bit of putting my nose where it doesn’t belong sort of youth and you did the right thing. You followed your instincts. Ultimately they kept you safe and you were able to give some immediate first responder notice.
You could have gotten both her and you killed real quick if you came in on a white horse he decided fuck it and just stabbed/shot you both for good measure
You will replay shit like this in your head but “if’s” will get you know where.
Learn some first aid if you feel you need to be better prepared next time.
You did the right thing. You had no training and were at an obvious size disadvantage. Furthermore, women often turn on the good Samaritan. Not always but often enough that you need to factor it in. Unless her life is in imminent danger, never insert yourself into domestic squabbles. Call the police and let them handle it.
Also, had you interjected, got into a fight, and won; you’d be facing assault charges. More so if you started bludgeoning him with a weapon and worse if he was seriously injured, even inadvertently (like while falling). It’s not worth it and, even though I am trained, I would have done the same because what you did is what you’re trained to do unless it looks like death is all but a certain outcome.
You did the right thing
Anyone that much bigger than you could have seriously hurt you . Size does make a difference, that’s why professional fighters like boxers and MMA fighters only fight in their weight division.. Also anyone who would do that to a woman probably has made other bad lifestyle decisions and most likely has experience fighting. As other reditors have said he may have been armed. I have personally seen where the woman…out of fear… will lie to cover up the abuser actions and blame the person trying to help because she fears retaliation.. Good judgement call-!
One thing people overlook is many times the ‘victim’ will start sticking up for the assaultant and now you have two to deal with. Call 911 and leave it at that.
You did the right thing. I had the same situation as a guy and girl was perhaps starting to get physically violent outside a gym as I was driving by after a yelling match. I stopped and yelled at them to stop fighting.
I don’t know who started it or what not but asked both to them to stop as the cops have been called.
That got both of them to stop.
Nope. You got the person justice, not retaliation, and you never know just how far someone will go to prove their point.
Let the pros geek out on arresting someone who’ll actually resit.
All it takes is one little blade (for someone to injure or kill you.). You did the right thing.
In this day and age you don’t know what someone is capable. Not too long ago in my city a father was stabbed to death infront of his family for asking some punk kid not to vape in the Cafe right by his kids.
>immediately called 911 and gave them the exact location. There was no one else around and I did not know either of them. I stayed nearby and waited until the police arrived about ten minutes later. I watched them arrest the man.
>Now I keep replaying it in my head. I feel like I should have done more.
Stop right there. You did good. You did real good. You likely saved someone’s life, and acting more directly could have ended your own.
yes
If you have training in hand to hand combat sure, but you risk the guy having a knife or gun. If you’re not trained in handling close quarters like that, it’s best to do exactly what you did. Call the police
You working out is irrelevant to any physical altercation.
Not only was this guy bigger than you, you have no idea if he has a weapon. Life isn’t the movies.
Let’s even say he’s equal in size with you. You go to confront him and he pulls a gun on you. Now your parents don’t have a son. Let’s say he pulls a knife on you. Again, now you are dead.
What you did was the correct response. Even if you were trained, the last place you want to be in is a fucking elevator with an angry guy who potentially has a weapon.
Almost every guy i know carries a knife with them.
Nope, never worth it. You dont know the guy, or the situation, intervene could make it worse, he could have weapon and dangerous, or his friends maybe nearby, you don’t know. Furthermore, you did your part by reporting to the authority and they did their job. Putting yourselves in harm ways when you don’t have the training, equipment, experience, or knowledge of the situation is not being brave, it foolhardy.
Ten Minutes after you called. So let’s say you called and then intervened. Are you aware of how physically taxing it is to fight someone for 10 minutes? That is 3 rounds of a professional fight (3 mins each) in a row, with no break.
Most unconditioned people are gassed within 1 minute. Some people who lift or workout a little are gassed equally as fast. It requires a very specific kind of training that most people don’t undergo to effectively spar with someone.
Add to the fact that they had reach and mass on you, without any leverage a surprise tackle or something to subdue them with, you would pretty quickly get overpowered and really hurt yourself.
If someone like that is going to slam a woman. They will be very aggressive with you.
Legally, if they attack you after speaking to them, then you are engaging in self defense. If you just ambush them with a water bottle in the head, that is battery.
Never intervene in a couple’s fight (unless he/she is asking for help), just call the authorities. My brother got his nose broken for trying to protect a girl in college, then the same woman insulted him afterward.
A fight avoided is a fight won. You would get harmed or get case if you fought. You saved her, that’s what matters.
I used to train karate. The sensei always told us to avoid any confrontation unless there is no other choice. It’s better to run 100 times, than to win 99 fights and then die in the last one and fights are unpredictable. You absolutely did the right thing and even a trained fighter would do the same.
You did exactly the right thing. Like others have said, if you intervene with people you don’t know then you’re risking your life. You called the cops and stuck around at a distance in case the cops needed directions. That’s all you need to do. Glad the cops found him in time and broke it up
You acted in a way that resolved the situation and kept her safe long term.
Sounds like if you’d stepped up yourself you may have just doubled the victim count. There’s no shame in understanding the situation and taking the most assured path to resolution.
Sometimes the bastard is just more dangerous than we are. It’s bound to happen someday no matter how you prepare.
You didn’t freeze up, and you acted decisively. There’s nothing to be ashamed about.
The only other thing you could have done is yell “hey back off the cops are on their way”.
If he runs that’s a win.
No, you shouldn’t directly physically intervene. You’re taking on unnecessary risk for no reason. Calling the police did your civic duty. Again, gender roles are gone, don’t try to apply them to yourself and beat yourself up around antiquated idealisms.
You called the cops, more than what others would have done. Think of yourself as a wonderful human being! That piece of shit wasn’t a man no matter how big he was. You were the man someone that seen something and did something
A DV situation is one of the worst for cops to deal with and they’re wary going in. You did the right thing.
Guy in my city got stabbed to death like that.
You dont know if he had a knife, a bat, a gun, etc. It was best to call the police. Had you intervened, you may not have been able to call for help or you could have made things worse for the both of you.
Just a little secret… most ppl have absolutely no clue how to defend themselves or others. Its not an inherent thing for us anymore. We do what we can. We’re all possible victims, unfortunately. Even ppl who are trained to fight. Fighting for discipline/sport and fighting for survival are 2 very different things. Fighting for sport makes you more able to act under pressure, it gives you muscle memory and conditioning. But you can quickly see some of them forget what theyve learned when things get sticky.
Lastly. No one knows how they’ll react in those situations when they happen. Hindsight is 20/20 but you can only see it if you’re alive. You did good. Where I used to live, ppl would just run and leave you at your attackers mercy. It had nothing to do with them and they wanted no part of it. If that meant you di3d then you just di3d. Again, you did good.
Honestly, I don’t know who has a gun. Unless I think someone is on the verge of being beat to death, I’m staying out. Call it in, record video for evidence, and observe from a safe distance. You don’t know what their history is, you don’t know what weapons they have, you don’t know what drugs they are on.
You absolutely did the right thing.
When there’s nothing you can do,You do what you can. You done the right thing but I would always train a martial art, better to be equipped in these scenarios.
I try to do the right thing but I’m not going to put my safety at risk for a stranger. What’s this weird societal expectation that men should value their own lives less than the life of a stranger? And let’s be real, that’s only if the stranger is a woman. If two strange men are fighting, nobody would expect me to step in. You did the right thing, OP.
Buddy in line at a KFC in my hometown tried to settle down a couple of guys, and died on the floor of that KFC because somebody thought it was knife time. Just a story in my local paper but it hit home because I’d been at that KFC and stood in that line and went home to my wife and kids without a care in the world.
You did right. And you made it home.
Calling the cops keeps you from ending up in the hospital or morgue. You near know what someone’s packing or capable of doing.
Na dude don’t feel bad at all. You calling the police and hanging around is more than most would do.
And honestly the danger of staying near that situation is manly as hell.
I’d say you had more balls than 75% dudes not just because you actually did something about what you saw. But because you stuck around to make sure the lady was ok.
You acted as a witness should she press charges. You called 911 physical intervention is not necessary because you don’t know the state of the other pain and/or of they have a weapon.
You did the right thing. Especially since you have no fighting experience or training. Plus you didn’t personally know the woman getting thrown around.
The worst outcome for you for choosing to call the cops and waiting is you will most likely be called up to the witness stand on a trial. The best outcome for you if you decided to physically intervene is that you’re gonna go through the legal system just to establish that you intervened because you thought someone’s life was in danger, and that can take months of you dedicating your life to get through (also best case scenario).
You don’t want to physically interject yourself into a situation you are not part of. That’s the fastest way to personal harm or a lawsuit, even if you did the right thing. Calling the police was the best move here.
It’s hard to know what I’d do in a situation like that, but in general, you should stay out of such things, as you will likely get in a legal entanglement as a result. Our justice system is soft on actual crime and hard on any sort of vigilantism.
For your specific situation, you did the right thing. There’s no point in getting involved if you’re just going to get hurt yourself.
Good for you that you got to play hero. Enjoy the high, I guess. Next time, you probably won’t be so lucky.
First time of an emergency situation is that you don’t add victims.
In the past when I’ve seen situations escalate, I’ll often get close to them, make eye contact and ask the girl if she needs help.
If I think that the guy’s gonna beat me up, I can the cops. If I think that I can intervene without adding victims, I will. But I have zero interest in getting into a fight. That’s not going to end well. I don’t want to get beat up and I don’t want to get in trouble for hurting someone.
There’s multiple right things to do in this situation and you did one them.
There is no blanket correct answer for this. Every situation is different, and you have to evaluate in the moment. I probably would have tried to intervene in the situation you describe, but then unlike you I do have training. I also live in an area where the police would not have been so quick to arrive. I would not fault anyone for doing what you did, my reaction is not necessarily the correct response for you, or even for me. The guy could have pulled a gun or a knife and I could have ended up in the hospital or morgue despite my training. In the end it is results that matter, you acted by calling 911 and the guy was arrested. A good outcome means you did the right thing, good for you!
I used to always think I’d interfere no matter what. Then several years ago a man was racially harassing a woman at a local transit station and two people intervened and tried to get the man to stop. He pulled out a box knife and slashed both their throats, neither one survived.
You never know what someone has on them or what they are capable of. So first ask yourself, is this something I’m willing to die over?
Nah.
You did the right thing. Getting more involved might have made things worse for all of you. If this sticks with you consider talking to someone. Just cause you weren’t the one being assaulted doesn’t mean it wasn’t also traumatic for you.
You’re under no obligation to get yourself bashed in the hopes of maybe slightly helping (or not) someone else.
You did the appropriate thing. Self preservation comes first – that includes preservation from potential legal issues were you to accidentally kill someone if you used a “bottle or something”
If you’re like me, I have a wife and kids at home. I’m not risking the roof over their heads for anybody but them.
Depends on the situation. If a dudes robbing a store and I don’t have a clear advantage in some way, I ain’t gonna be no john mclain I tell you what.
Ideally you would have just stopped him, but here is the thing. This wasn’t an ideal situation. He was fifty pounds heavier than you, and obviously comfortable with violence. You were untrained. In those conditions, the best thing you could do was what you did. Or maybe hustle up some more guys to help, but that would require there to be more people around.
You did a good job. Don’t get into a fist fight for someone else.
For all you know that guy was having a psychotic break and has a Bowie knife tucked in his waist. Don’t take that risk.
Unfortunately in most western countries the person who stops the violence is the one who ends up either charged or killed. You did the right thing.
I think this has to be a personal decision. It’s unfair to demand people intervene in any situation they’re not involved in. That’s neutral, no negative jusgement.
But if you do, good for you. Extra life points.
Absolutely not, unless you got skin in the game. You don’t know what the other person may or may not have them.
You took the appropriate action. Be proud of that.
I know a guy who tried to break up a fight outside a bar and was shot in the back & now can’t use his legs. He was only 22 and is now wheelchair bound..
Nope. That’s what law enforcement is for. Make the call, give a report, and keep it moving.
You did the right thing – you assessed the situation, knew you’d put your own safety at risk, and called the right people to handle the job. I’m a bigger guy at 6’2 ~190 with martial arts experience and wouldn’t hesitate to jump in if someone was in trouble, but at the same time I’d assess the situation and ensure I don’t end up dead.
I keep hearing about guys who try to intervene physically and either get themselves badly hurt or even criminally charged due to what they attempted to do to stop the situation, which may or may not badly hurt someone else or worse. Keep the fighting to when someone is attacking you or someone you’re with and you can’t escape the situation.
I wouldnt say you should have intervened. If you did, that’s great, if you dont, nobody can (or shouldnt rather) blame you. Nobody wants to get hurt, you dont know if the guy has a gun or can seriously injure you. You did what you could, which is call the police, which is already more than so many people would have done.
You did the right thing. Sometimes when you get involved in these disputes (i’m not saying always that this is the case) they can both turn on you. That being said, regardless of how anybody would’ve reacted you did the right thing. It isn’t worth getting brain damaged, or killed over.
You contacted authorities and they handled the situation and the woman was safe. Nobody got hurt. Win win
It’s one thing to psyche yourself up for the first shot without using your head, but when you’re not prepared or trained for what to do with the second and beyond? You’re asking to be wrecked yourself, and getting in a physical altercation can end up causing life-changing damage. Really good fighters will tell you two things; it’s mostly about using your head, and more importantly do it as little as possible.
Ive heard stories where men have stepped up and the women would tell them to mind their business, or physically attack the intervener. While its good to look out for people. Dont put yourself into harms way for a stranger…you did the right thing.
You did the right thing by calling the cops. Things are often not that straight forward. If the victim had been a child I would’ve stepped in immediately but in this case it was an adult woman.
Let me tell you a story. This happened maybe around 15 years ago. The setup is similar to yours, I was walking home from work and I saw a man hit a woman causing her to fall to the ground. There are plenty of witnesses/bystanders. I was a bit further away so I didn’t have to do anything, a hippy looking guy that was quite close to the incident immediately stepped in to try and calm the guy down. The guy would not calm down and started swinging at the hippy guy. Hippy guy fought back to defend himself and was actually quite a tall guy so he successfully restrained the man. Want to know what happened next? The woman who was on the ground got up and started attacking the hippy guy… the guy who stepped in to help her out. At this point both the man and woman was about to start beating up hippy guy but thankfully 3 other big burly guys stepped in and restrained the (i assume) couple
When I was young I used to play out situations like this in my head of helping people out. Got the chance finally to do just that and it turned out it was 2 drunk dudes(friends no less)having a quarrel because they were drunk. My wife got so mad cause(and she was right of course) what if they had a knife or a gun?
So ya, you did the right thing by calling cops and staying there.
I know a guy who is 6’5, looks like a boxer, and taught hand-to-hand combat for the US military. His advice for when you get mugged: hand over your wallet. Tell them to take it and go. Call the police when they’re gone. There’s nothing in the wallet that can’t be replaced, all you’re going to lose is a little pride. He told me something like “Fools always think violence is going to be like a movie, but it’s not.”
The situation you describe, I would not step in.
You probably did the right thing by most standards. Unfortunately I wouldn’t be able to do the same. I’m a “do something” kinda gal, risk or not. You never know if the police are going to be there in time to stop whatever is about to happen. I don’t typically trust response times and will do whatever I can to prevent any further injury to any person or persons.
First and foremost you always have to put yourself first. As soon as you prioritize a stranger’s life over yours, well, if you want to risk your life for some stranger, thats on you.
But nobody else is going to put you before them, keep that in mind
You did the right thing, 100%.
If you saw a random mugging and intervened, that might be different, because the victim will definitely be on your side when you have to explain yourself. A battered woman? She might back up her man’s story and you end up going to jail as the aggressor.
Not to mention, in this case, you were not a physical match for the guy. If you want to be able to help out in those situations, you need training.
And, of course, you don’t know what kind of weapons the guy might have. You want to get killed for a stranger when it’s not your job and the police exist specifically to do that job? Don’t be crazy.
The only instance where you should intervene is where a few extra minutes will be life or death for the victim, and even then, know that you’re taking your own life into your hands. Do you want to be a hero? That’s a high bar for “doing the right thing”
People who intervene in that kind of domestic violence shit often end up getting attacked by both parties.
You did the right thing. Other outcomes involve you potentially throwing you life away through either you ending up in prison or a wheelchair. Probably wouldn’t even save the lady in the long run.
So, true story.
My dad used to work in a shady area of North Carolina back in the 80s. When he first moved out there his job put him up in a seedy apartment complex.
One night, in the hallway, he saw something quite similar to what you described. The woman is screaming for help and shrieking bloody murder. My dad is a toothpick, but he was young at the time.
He pushed the guy off the girl, who immediately jumped up from the ground and began to claw at my dad’s eyes. “DONT YOU GO PUSHING MY MAN!!!”
She held him down while the big guy whooped his ass. Ended up in the hospital with broken ribs, a shattered cheekbone and deep cuts all across his face. The doctor said she could’ve easily blinded him. You can see the scars from her nails even today.
So yeah…..you did the right thing, OP.
No
You did the right thing
“No fighting experience or training” means you don’t even know what you don’t know. It’s not your domain. Gym strength is only somewhat useful without some basic training and a plan. Particularly against someone who is likely to have had plenty of real-world experience with waging physical violence, even if no formal training
The idea that being big or strong is all that useful in a fight versus skill is pretty silly. A 6’2” 200 pound weightlifter will lose quickly to a 5’3” 120 pound black belt or equivalent. Someone with years of experience, a plan, and functional strength for the task at hand has a huge advantage.
Calling the cops, who have training, guns, and authority was absolutely the right thing to do.
You did exactly the right thing.
Everyone is different just because I’d be stupid and get in the middle doesn’t mean someone else has to.
Doesn’t matter how in shape you are if you have had not training. You did the correct thing
I’m 6’3” and a decent sized guy, war veteran, and familiar with violence. At times I have intervened knowing my size has its benefits in deescalation. Once people get violent, it’s best to seek help.
That said, I would hope if I were in a situation like you, I would do the same thing you did. You did the right thing.
It’s a case to case thing. If the guy is arrested and she’s safe (as are you) the right thing was done.
There’s a reason we pay people to carry guns and deal with shit like this.
If it’s an ongoing situation, like if the guy was just wailing on her, I’d most likely step in. If he shoved her once and stopped, then I’d say you did the right thing by staying back and calling the cops.
A good man is an intelligent man, not a kamikaze pilot. You played it smart.
When I was younger I might have done something but not these days. If it’s not a loved one I don’t give a shit
Before I had a wife and kids, I’d probably interject myself into a situation either to just buy a person time, distract or all else fails fight it out. These days I’d just call the cops and try to distract the attacker. If it was someone I personally knew, I’d fight.
Unless they’re obviously going to die, it’s safest not to intervene. Unless you know you can take the assailant, but who knows what blades they have on them or diseases in their blood?
Bar security here. The rule for alcohol and gambling applies here: know your limits and play within them.
Getting the shit kicked out you for brownie points will be a lot worse than just calling the people who can deal with the situation. It is infinitely more annoying to deal with people trying to “help” when the situation would have been solved twenty times faster and 100 times better if they just came over to the big dude in all black.
In this circumstance, there’s not a lot you could do. I’m considering the height difference more than anything, there’s a reason reach is such an important metric in striking matches. With no fight experience, you’re not gonna get lucky and have this dude in an arm bar. The best case scenario would be to prevent him from leaving by incapacitating their legs, but you wouldn’t be able to do that without potentially dealing with a lawsuit or even doing it without permanently maiming them.
I’m not like you, I’m in a position where I can always intervene. I’m about the guy’s mentioned height, and I have a good feeling I outweigh him. Me stepping in is a given, I’ve had enough practical experience mixed with training to be more than capable of dealing with it. But you did what was best for your capabilities. Throwing yourself at a problem may be a nice sentiment, but you’re not trying to be a nice person, you’re trying to be the person who stops the problem.
Are you expendable?
I don’t think you should be ashamed. You actually did something useful than charging in like an idiot. Life isn’t an anime or comic book or tv show. You could have been killed or you could have got that guy to run away but the police wouldn’t get the guy in the end.
you have to think that you did the best thing possible in that situation. You did the right thing. You aren’t less of a man for doing that.
For all you know that woman could have some Stockholm syndrome and attack you for trying to help.
If you attacked that guy, the dude being a piece of shit that he is, could have charged you and got you arrested. I don’t know the area but anything is possible. You did the right thing.
If you have no fight experience, let’s keep it that way. I’m a black belt, and I haven’t been in a street fight in a decade. That’s a good thing!
I’m not a big guy, I’ve properly commited to intervening in a “fight” once. A very large man started punching this small woman very very hard. This was at a semi busy train station in Southern England where I live.
I rushed the guy because I couldn’t stand back and watch, and several other men jumped in and we tried to hold this man down until police would arrive.
He literally managed to break free and stand up with 3 of us holding him, he was so strong, we managed again to restrain and pin him, copper arrived and tries to take control, but again he can’t do anything ocne he broke free and we had to assist in a hog tie.
If he’d had a knife or something I truly believe he could have killed us all.
Did I or anyone else know if he did? No, but we all acted.
Yes, men or women should physically intervene in assaults when someone is being hurt is my opinion,
We would all like some help if we are attacked and we should reciprocate
I know this is ask men but I also know some of the pressure to intervene comes from women. You calling 911 was helpful. Especially if you were willing to speak as a witness. Your voice, especially as a man, will help validate hers here. Sure, you could’ve physically helped. But you could’ve also added yourself to the victim count and that wouldn’t have helped her or you
Don’t intervene, but call in the cops is alright. No need to put yourself in danger for a stanger
It’s a tricky situation but I think you made the right move here, it the situation was especially dire and the guy was about to hurt the woman badly than I believe you would have stepped in. Physically interfering and getting in to a fight is a big deal, I do train myself and it helped me realize how incredibly dangerous real life fights are. Just as an example, if you get into a brawl and you or the other guy gets knocked out and you hit your head on the concrete, it could end your life very easily. So unless you really absolutely have to, don’t get into fights.
I say trust your gut. If it seems like it’s something you can handle, act up, if not, do what you can. We should help each other out when we can, and even if it’s at our own expense, but we can’t fault each other for human instinct to survive either.
You did the right thing. Intervening in other people’s affairs when you know nothing of what you’re getting into is bad mojo.
I had a friend in that situation years ago, he pulled a big dude off this chick, my buddy had him in a choke from behind, and was in the process of putting the guy to sleep.
She stabbed him in the arm.
Matt Murdock can do that kind of shit, us regular guys have to call the cops.
Nope. Not my fucking problem. I ain’t getting stabbed or killed for some fucking idiot I don’t even know.
Intervene to the level you’re comfortable with. It’s hardly realistic, safe, or wise to expect everyone to intervene physically when they see violence happening. Just by calling the cops, you did more than many people would do in that situation. Don’t be hard on yourself.
No, that’s another horrible Hollywood cliche. Should screenwriters be reprimanded for planting all these nonsensical ideas in our heads. A blow to your pterion might even kill, not the dozens of punches (or bullet holes) thrown by each side as written for the silver screen.
Your decision was impeccable.
I’ve got a family. I’m not getting involved in someone else’s conflict. Good for those who do, but I’m not leaving my kids fatherless because I tried to help some stranger who may not have even been the good guy/girl there.
I’m not getting physically involved unless it’s a family member of mine or a situation where shooting would be justified. I’m not getting myself killed for a stranger.
Nah. Call the po and wait. Dude could be on something or just a nutter.
Sounds good to be a hero when you’re thinking about it afterwards or when you’re daydreaming but not worth it really.
I think most people don’t realize how little working out and being in conventionally good shape has fuck all to do with whether you can adequately defend yourself. If you’re going to intervene in potentially violent situations the least you can do is train. Not everyone will be deterred by your biceps and chest size lol
I was once riding the train and a fight broke out because one guy started mouthing off to 2 other guys who proceeded to beat the crap out of him. I’m 6’7” tall and at the time weighed about 250lb and was in decent shape. I was bigger than all 3 of these guys stacked together. As the beating was ongoing one of the other passengers tugs on my coat sleeve and asks if I’m gonna do anything to stop the fight. I flatly said no way in hell am I getting involved in that and I don’t feel the least bit bad about it. (1) I didn’t know anyone involved. (2) no one had a weapon (at least none I could see). (3) I heard what the one guy said to instigate the fight and honestly he deserved the ass whoopin he got (it was very racist comment). (4) the guy getting his ass kicked stayed on his feat the whole.e time and was defending himself. If the guy was rendered unconscious and was getting stomped out I would have stepped in. I’ve been in another situation where a clearly deranged person was verbally harassing a woman on the train and I left it alone up to the point if he were to lay a hand on her or follow her off the train. If he touched her I would have stepped in. If he tried to follower her I would have gotten off and followed along to make sure she got to her car OK.
Bottom line especially in this day and age jumping into a situation you know nothing about is a good way to get sued, arrested, or killed so be very sure of the situation before you commit to getting involved, always make sure you have an escape route available for yourself. Be aware of your surrounding and lookout for people around you but not at the expense of your own safety. If your that nervous about a situation call the police first, keep them on the line until they arrive, and only step in if there is no other option.
You did the right thing.
If you would have physically intervened, who knows what would have happened? Maybe you would have scared him off, but more likely he would have become violent with you, potentially causing you serious harm. It’s also entirely possible that, after beating on you, he was so enraged he beat the woman worse than he was going to. Absolute worst case would be he killed you both.
You called for help and stayed to make sure the help arrived and went after the attacker, leading to his arrest. You saved that woman from probably severe injury, and she’s likely grateful that you did as much as you did.
Don’t let your ego get in the way. You did more than most people would have.
60% of the time the rescuer is the fatality.
Hell nah. The cemetery is full of heroes. Call the cops and go about your day.
Nope. If you got yourself into the situation, you can find your way out. Being on someone else’s t-shirt ain’t nearly as enjoyable as people think it is.
No, never get involved in a domestic violence situation. She won’t see you as a hero, you can’t save her, in fact she may double down on staying with him if you hurt him.
I know a guy that is dead because he tried to stop a bar fight.
No. Never. You can’t outsmart stupid and you can’t reason with crazy. An altercation is when stupid meets crazy.
Funny how reddit’s full of undercover batmans who apparently would’ve taken down a guy twice their size without blinking. World must be a safer place than I thought. Good job heroes.
> I froze for a moment but immediately called 911 and gave them the exact location. There was no one else around and I did not know either of them. I stayed nearby and waited until the police arrived about ten minutes later. I watched them arrest the man.
you did intervene. tossing the dice on permanent injury for a random encounter isn’t smart, but working the system to effect change is. you’re just guilty about it because you think you could make it perfect. this isn’t a movie. do what you did, it’s a good choice.