I (23F) have been dating my bf (24M) for over 2.5 years. My first birthday together bf got me a piece of jewelry and we went to my favorite restaurant. The second birthday we last minute went out to dinner (at a random nice restaurant). This year no dinner, no plans, and no gift. All he gave me was a “happy birthday”. None of the birthdays has he given me a card (I am a very sentimental person and keep every card). I understand money can be tight so I told him a birthday card would be good or a little letter.
This year I asked for the same present as last year a camera. For last year his excuse for not getting it for me was that I didn’t tell him which camera I wanted. This years I picked out the exact one and said he could buy it or just give me some money towards it. BF had me buy it and said he would send me money (never did).
This is my first relationship and I just feel sad. Sometimes he is such an amazing bf and knows me so well but then he can also be so cold/oblivious. I’m not sure this will work out long term. What should I do? TL;DR
Comments
If he wanted to he would.
You need to sit him down and tell him that birthdays are important to you and he needs to plan and celebrate you on them.
I’d be curious about his birthdays were treated in his family growing up. Perhaps they weren’t really bothered with so he doesn’t get it. This was the case with a friend of mine’s bf but he got it after a clear discussion and made the effort afterwards.
Sounds like he doesn’t really like you, nor wish to invest effort in you, and this is a common phenomenon in men, sadly. Identifying a good man who treats you equitably is tricky because we are socialised to pour our time, love and resources into them without expecting much in return. They can often start off looking like a good one, but soon as they have you ‘locked down’ they revert to pre-courting behaviours.
You’re young, and he won’t likely change, and it’s not your responsibility to change him. If he wanted to, he would. Your only task is to decide if this is how you want to be treated, and if it isn’t, to cut him loose.
Life is hard enough, and you need a partner who is there to build you up, support you emotionally when you need it, and thinks the sun shines out of your arse. These ignoring behaviours only tend to get worse and even if a big fight leads to a nice birthday one year, the next will be crap again.
If you decide to break up, take time to be single and know yourself, invest in yourself, invest in female friendship, travel, explore, say yes to wonderful opportunities. We often aren’t taught how to be alone – only how to run around after others. Best of luck in your decision.