I’m a dad to a 16-year-old daughter. A few months ago, my brother-in-law and his 18-year-old twin daughters moved in with us after he lost his place. At first it was fine, but his daughters kept going into my daughter’s room and taking her things. We’re talking makeup, clothes, her school laptop with no permission and no apologies.
I tried asking them to stop. My wife and BIL brushed it off as “normal teenage girl stuff.” The final straw was when one of them wrecked a makeup kit my daughter had saved up for. She was heartbroken. So I bought her a lock.
Now I’m being called overprotective. BIL said I’m treating his daughters like thieves. My wife wants the lock gone and says I’m being unfair and making the girls feel unwelcome. I said the lock stays until they move out. Everyone’s mad at me and I’m wondering if I went too far.
I’m wondering if I’m the asshole because by putting the lock on my daughter’s door, I might have gone too far and made my brother-in-law’s family feel unwanted or embarrassed, even though I was just trying to protect my daughter’s space.
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I’m a dad to a 16-year-old daughter. A few months ago, my brother-in-law and his 18-year-old twin daughters moved in with us after he lost his place. At first it was fine, but his daughters kept going into my daughter’s room and taking her things. We’re talking makeup, clothes, her school laptop with no permission and no apologies.
I tried asking them to stop. My wife and BIL brushed it off as “normal teenage girl stuff.” The final straw was when one of them wrecked a makeup kit my daughter had saved up for. She was heartbroken. So I bought her a lock.
Now I’m being called overprotective. BIL said I’m treating his daughters like thieves. My wife wants the lock gone and says I’m being unfair and making the girls feel unwelcome. I said the lock stays until they move out. Everyone’s mad at me and I’m wondering if I went too far.
I’m wondering if I’m the asshole because by putting the lock on my daughter’s door, I might have gone too far and made my brother-in-law’s family feel unwanted or embarrassed, even though I was just trying to protect my daughter’s space.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I put a lock on my daughter’s door after my brother-in-law’s daughters kept taking and ruining her things. I might be the asshole because it embarrassed my wife’s family, made them feel unwelcome, and created tension in the house. Maybe I escalated the situation too much instead of finding a way for everyone to get along.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. Good on you for protecting your daughter!
Pretty sure I’ve read this post before.
EDIT: Found it. AITA for telling my wife the lock on my daughter’s door does not get removed til my brother inlaw and his daughters are out of our house?.
It’s not word for word but it’s definitely close.
Sounds like you’ve got your daughter’s back. She’ll remember that for years to come. I do hope she gets her makeup kit replaced.
NTA
Your wife is a bi*tch.Like brother like sister.
NTA.
I would agree with him every time he says that you’re treating them like thieves.
They are thieves.
NTA. I wish my dad had done that for me when I was a teenager and we moved in with his girlfriend’s kids. My stuff was constantly trashed and my room was treated like a store for her and her friends to shop in. I paid for all my own stuff and it was ruined before I even got to use a lot of it, because she would help herself while I was at work.
You’re a good Dad. Don’t feel bad.
Ive read this post before with more detail.
This is an old story…the daughter’s make up kit was really expensive, and the BIL replaced it with a cheap knock-off.
No this is the right call. You can’t parent his kids and clearly they don’t respect her and her things. So now they don’t get to go and take them. I’d imagine they would be singing a different tune if roles were reversed
You’re treating them like thieves because they are. Its so mean to steal from family, I’d keep the locks on and shut tight.
NTA.
It’s the natural consequences for their behavior. If they don’t want to be treated like thieves, they can stop stealing.
Did they buy her a new makeup kit?
NTA
NTA – lots of teenagers get locks on their doors. I got one to keep my niece and nephew from going through my stuff when they visited. At first they were annoyed, but eventually ignoring my room just became habit.
Think of the lock as a training device. They’ll get used to ignoring your daughter’s room eventually and your daughter will learn what it’s like for someone to have her back when she puts a reasonable boundary in place.
If you cave and remove the lock, your daughter will remember your lack of support and how you prioritised the twins over her, for the rest of her life…this is how LC/NC starts.
The daughters feel like they are being treated like thieves because everyone knows they are thieves. Taking without asking is thievery.
“Hiw dare you stop my daughters from stealing from yours, how rude”
NTA
This is just a simplified version of the Top post of the community https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/8NIKqzNsnZ
NTA
BIL’s daughters are being treated like thieves because this is exactly what they are.
NTA
You’re a great dad. Keep it on!
18 years old are very definitely old enough to understand the consept of ownership. I and my siblings understood it by the time we were 8. Your BIL and his wife set them up for tons of problems in adult life, if at 18 they still don’t understand that you shouldn’t borrow other people’s things without asking. Hell, at their age if I’d destroy someone’s stuff, especially valuable one (makeup palette), I’d pay for it even if I’d have to start part-time working!
Also, them using your daughter’s school laptop may actually cause her serious problems, including legal ones if they i.e. decide to post/search something weird “as a prank”. I’m surprised that your wife doesn’t get it.
NTA – they are thieves and disrespectfully destroying the stolen property too.
If they really want to be embarrassed pull them into a house meeting and call out the theft, the disrespect and the entitlement from people you’re gracefully allowing to stay in your home. Tell the father he will have to pay to replace every item his children damage and keep the lock still.
Also ask your wife why these girls are welcome to steal from your daughter, invade her privacy, risk damaging her school laptop without the daughter(owner)’s consent to any of that. They were welcome until they destroyed the trust with bad behaviour.
NTA they ARE thieves! That’s their choice, they are the ones in control of that. You are giving your daughter reasonable protection. If anything, not enough. Your BIL is lucky his family still has a place to live, given that they have trampled your daughter’s security in her own home and room, of all places. The fact that he and your wife are willing to ignore reality is more of an issue than an obviously needed lock, in my opinion.
I’ve read this before… 🤔
They ARE thieves. Perhaps it is time to consider leaving your wife who is not supporting you nor her daughter.
NTA
we don’t have locks when people respect each others property. When they don’t, we put locks on. As simple as that.
NTA. His daughters ARE theives.
If they are ‘not being theives’ why should they care about a lock on a door to a room that is not theirs?
NTA
This has been posted before. And not by this user. I’m not sure which bothers me more out of AI made posts or stealing other people’s content. Either way, no.
What? Definitely NTA… Why are they so desperate to get back into the room?
Keep the lock and kick them out. Your brother & his daughters are ungrateful and disrespectful. Your wife is also wrong.
Your house your rules man. Anyone disagrees is welcomed to leave.
This a a copy of a post from a year ago
Nta…his daufhters are thieves….you should have called the cops and kicked them out when it first hapoened.
If you’re going to do lazy rehashes of old posts at least don’t make it the super recognisable ones
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ocx94s/aita_for_telling_my_wife_the_lock_on_my_daughters/
NTA BIL is pretty bold making demands from someone who’s helping pick up his slack in housing his children. Your spouse needs to get over it. I imagine you being on board to house 3 more people is because you’re really doing it for her. She should also care about how her desire to add 3 people to a household impacts her own child.
NTA.
The reason they’re upset is because that lock makes perfectly clear what happened and who did it.
Your nieces were trespassing beyond their welcome and abusing the hospitality. It wasn’t a mistake and it wasn’t a misunderstaning. They did it to feel better, or to feel bigger, because losing their home probably made them feel small.
Losing their home is a terrible, terrible thing. They deserve every type of love and support, EXCEPT NOT condoning abuse of a younger kid, as a way to feel better. They need adult support in every other way except this.
Their father (OPs BIL) is a lazy coward who probably feels so guilty about the housing that he’s not being an adult for the long-term ethical development of his daughters.
NTA. No one would care if there was a lock on your daughter’s door unless they planned on going her room without her permission.
NTA. If BIL doesn’t want to be embarrassed he should address the behaviour of his thieving and destructive kids.
Let me throw a wild guess here… the wife is the daughters stepmother??
If not, why the fuck isn’t she protecting her daughter from thieves??
NTA. They’re being treated like thieves because they stole shit. Duh.
And if your BIL didn’t immediately replace that makeup kit, you’ve got a huge problem.
Pretty sure thos is a repeat post for years ago???
NTA. They are thief’s!
Old story from a couple years back yeah
NTA. His daughters are thieves and that’s why the lock is there. Did they replace the makeup kit?
NTA. Your daughter is your first priority. You did the right thing.
Nta
NTA – you tried dealing directly with the thieves parents and they refused to deal with it.
You are trying to help them, they are stealing from your own daughter. Do you really want them in your house?
This is a repost
But his daughters are thieves. They take her belongings without permission. That’s a theif.