My husband (39M) emotionally cheated on me (36F)

r/

My husband (39M) and me (36F) have been married for 4 years. Overall I have happy relationship, I feel supported and loved.
My husband is introvert guy and doesn’t have lot of friend. He’s quite funny and thoughtful when people knew him better

2 years ago, he told me that 1 of his female best friend confided in him about her marriage issue. I feel no harm in the beginning, he always tell me what is the convo about. One day I checked his phone and I feel the message is too personal, he doesn’t flirt but he emotionally support this woman and I can’t see the older chats because he deleted it. They are friends since high school, I never met with this woman before. When I think it is inappropriate, he immediately stop it, don’t reply her. He said the chat was deleted because he knew I will be unhappy when I read it and they’ve been friend for so long so impossible for him not to reply.

After no contact I thought he understand my feeling. But nope, he just did it out of scare losing me and make me sad. I don’t even know if it’s love. I never checked his phone since yesterday, then I found out he chat quite often (once a week) with one of her female ex-colleague and quick meet up for a tea break. The message nothing personal all about ex colleague, ex bosses, I didn’t know they are close friend. When I questioned him, he said he didn’t tell because he knew I will be uncomfortable and they are friend. He apologize again maybe out of fear and saying that he will stop contact if needed

In the beginning I feel maybe this is an honest mistake because he is not sensitive person. But when it happened 2nd time, I feel he emotionally cheating on me or I am crazily jealous woman. What I should do?

Comments

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  2. Anameillforge Avatar

    You need to tell him your fears. Tell him how worried you get and how you are afraid of losing him.

    It sounds like he loves you and won’t cheat so you need to tell him know how it makes you feel. Also tell him that him hiding stuff makes things worse because you trust him and you want to be able to continue trusting him.

    I know it’s hard to do, but watch that your behaviour doesn’t push him away. When you see yourself getting frustrated or angry instead of lashing out and demanding things focus on the inner feelings and share those.

  3. NoContest9016 Avatar

    Seems like your husband is not as “introverted” as you thought.

    No, you are not being jealous, my guy is going down a slippery slope. Deliberately deleting messages, hiding said interactions from you.

    Lying by omission, meeting a female ex colleague in a car alone in a car park. If it is as innocent as catching up, they could jolly well meet up in a cafe.

    I’m not saying that he is cheating( no concrete evidence ) but the things he did does not inspire confidence.