For those few of us that have been abusive to / lost a partner through their own actions. How do you forgive yourself?
How do you get over regret?
r/AskWomen
For those few of us that have been abusive to / lost a partner through their own actions. How do you forgive yourself?
Comments
I know it’s not accessible for everyone but therapy would be a great tool for this.
[removed]
By moving forward and taking action to ensure that you don’t make the same mistakes again. Therapy can help if it is accessible to you. It may also be helpful to read some books or do a workbook on the particular issue you are having. I find that working on addressing the problem helps. You can’t change the past, but you can ensure that you show up better next time.
Be intentional and learn how to cope with things beyond your control. Become more analytical of decision making.
Acceptance that yes i did this wrong if i can fix it go back and fix if time has already gone and its irreversible accept apologise and promise not to repeat it again and then work on it back it up with my actions
Learning from it.
regret is proof of growth. it’s evidence that you recognized wrongful behavior and intend to change
Understand your reasons through shadow work and therapy. Remind yourself you then, know better now than you did back then and vow to be aware in similar moments to not repeat that behaviour.
I relate to this and I forgived myself by knowing my anger and frustration was coming out because I wanted to leave my ex due ro incompatibility but was codependent, really I did want him as a friend but I was terrified I would lose him forever and how much it would hurt and delaying it came out in ways that hurt him anyway. Then it ended in a much worse way that rwsulted in abandonment too, some of these things are not rational. It’s what resentment and suppression does and it’s not his fault that I did not have the courage and skills to be self trusting. I know this is because my issues with intimacy stemming from childhood neglect and I feel sorry for that little girl who didn’t feel seen and connected so her adult relationships are distorted and it’s hard to let go of what isn’t right even if it’s not making her happy because she is afraid of abandonment.
That’s sad right? This is where it comes from, and when you know why it let’s you grieve and forgive yourself because only hurt people hurt people
Crying in the shower
Took me years and it’s a simple answer – acceptance. Don’t rail against it, try to fix it (unless that’s actually possible), bury it or anything else. Just accept it. I accept my regret as a fact of life, it happened, I can’t change it, it’s fine.
I cringe once a week, then move on it’s a routine now
You sit with it and feel it and then you move forward, unless it’s something embarrassing (you won’t ever forget it jk).
Não posso mudar o passado não importa o quanto eu pense na frustração que é estar arrependida, vida que segue!
This one quote about regret helped me: “never be upset with a past choice, because at one point it was exactly what you wanted.” Idk why but that always helped me
I say I don’t regret but idk. Maybe I’ll take a google quiz