I’m 17, about to start college, and my world just fell apart.
My parents ended their 10-year marriage yesterday. It was peaceful, no cheating, no screaming, just a lot of miscommunication and built-up pain, I guess. My dad was the one who made the decision to break things off. He said it was his fault, but they both agreed it was time to let go before things turned toxic. They still love each other deeply, which makes it even harder to process. It’s all so fresh. I still feel like I’m living in a nightmare.
Now it’s just me and my mom. We’re moving out soon into a smaller home. She has a low paying job and is planning to do multiple jobs. Once I’m done with my summer classes i am planning to work part time too. My mom lets me see my dad anytime and that my dad still wants to support us, and his side of the family (my grandma and aunt) love me and my mom very much. But my mom doesn’t really have anyone in this country. No friends. No family. No support system except me. Its making my heart sink and non stop crying.
She’s heartbroken. She gave 10 years of her life to someone who she thought would be forever. One of the key problems was that she depended on him both emotionally and financially. This was her first and only marriage. I know she’s going to be incredibly lonely and possibly fall into depression, and I’m really scared for her. I want to be there for her, not just as her son, but as someone who helps her emotionally, practically, and mentally adjust to this new significantly downgraded life.
But I’m still a kid. I’m grieving too. I miss my dad already. I miss the house being full. The holidays. The family car rides. I don’t know how to carry both of our pain, but I want to help.
How do I support her without losing myself? What can I do to make her feel less alone in this? If you’ve been through this, as a parent, child, or partner, I would really appreciate any advice. Please.
Comments
You are already doing more than most people would – just by caring this deeply. Support her with love and small acts of kindness, but don’t forget you’re allowed to feel and heal too. That’s more than enough.
Focus on open communication and sharing feelings; consider seeking local support groups for her.
You’ve got this. Just remember that being there for each other is what counts most even if it involves lots of ice cream and questionable movie choices along the way.
just be there, she doesn’t need you to fix everything just to feel she’s not alone. let her vent or cry if she needs to even if it’s messy. it’s a heavy time, but love and patience especially from you can help her start healing. and don’t forget, it’s okay to lean on others too. you’re allowed to feel all of this
You don’t have to fix everything, just be there and let her feel what she needs to feel. Focus on keeping your own balance too, because she needs you healthy more than anything.
The best way to end their relationship is in family therapy all together so there is a game plan in place and expectations are all communicated.
Go yo your local non-profit mental health organization
Good luck bringing them to the table
I hope my son grows up to be as thoughtful and caring as you are.♡
It’s going to be ok. You don’t have to carry your mom through this, just walk through with her. It seems terrible now, but things will get easier with time. Don’t forget to care for yourself too.