My wife (39F) and I (35M) recently decided to end our 10 year marriage. We have no kids and don’t own our own home. For the last number of years we have been drifting further apart and acted more like roommates then a married couple.
She has been suffering with depression over the last number of years, but when we moved to her home town 5 years ago, that’s when our marriage started to really decline. While I have met all of her friends, there was never an any attempt to integrate me into her friend groups. It got to a point where she would always go out without me and I was just left to find something to do myself (or sit at home with the dog). When she was here, she would spend no time with me and just watch TV in our room all day.
There have also been issues with her hiding money from me. To the point where I found she was spending money that should have gone into our savings for a mortgage (which is stall at nearly nothing). She also stole nearly 20 thousand from her parents last year (I stayed in the relationship and helped her pay this back month by month).
She has had no real interest in saving for a mortgage or preparing for our future either and we were owed lots in loans until recently. We also have a dead bedroom and haven’t had any sex in about 3 years.
I’m sure the resentment built up on my side as well with everything and I wasn’t the easiest to live with recently. Im sure that hasn’t helped things.
We decided to split a month ago. We still live in our rented house but agreed that we both move out in September and do the split amiacially. The thing is, last night I think the split finally hit her. For the last month she’s been enjoying life and going out with friends but last night said she didn’t want to lose our marriage and wanted to stay with me. I said I didn’t think that was a good idea but eventually said I needed to think about everything.
I think I’m just tired now. I’m worn out emotionally and think (despite her saying things will be better) that they won’t be. My own mental health over the last numbers of years has been gradually getting worse with the isolation and loneliness.
I don’t know what to do anymore. Anyone gone through anything similar?
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Every thing you’ve described screams leave You will survive
This relationship died a long time ago, start fresh dude.
Don’t let her guilt trip you into staying in the marriage. The marriage is dead and its been a dead bedroom for 3 years. You should move out early and rent your own place. Its not healthy staying under the same roof with her any longer. In case you haven’t yet done it, contact a divorce lawyer and file. Be glad you don’t own a house with her. Let her go is your best option and bail out of there as quick as possible. Your wasting your time staying with her, go get your life back without her.
She seems like a nightmare. Too many men try to stay and work through god awful marriages because that’s how we were taught. You just live with shit even if you’re unhappy. You don’t have to do that (man or woman for that matter, obviously). You could use a fresh start.
I’m so sorry you’re in this position. You’ve been emotionally bleeding out for so long, you’ve got nothing left to give. It’s time to rip off the bandaid thats holding the wound together, and start concentrating on you and how you can heal. I wish you luck.
Dead bedroom you say for you maybe not for her. I wouldn’t trust her I wouldn’t reconcile with her either if I were you I would run. You will find your person good luck OP.
Money, this is all about money.
You are her source for financial stability, she doesn’t want to lose it, nothing more.
Does she want to stay with you or with the stability and security you bring?
RUN!
Seriously, why the fuck would you think that being with her is a good idea?
Leaving this relationship will be the best decision you ever make. She’s holding you back.
r/relationship_advice average post be like: hi my partner is/did *extreme amount of red flags and several past issues that point very clearly at a failed relationship*. Should i stay with him/her?
You are wasting your life away. I think you’re the only person in this marriage who hasn’t had sex in 3 years. That’s why you aren’t invited.
I was in a similar situation and it only got progressively worse. I never felt so lonely with my ex being there physically but mentally and spiritually checked out. It’s the ugliest feeling ever and I’d never want to go through something like that again.
Don’t waste more years in a dead relationship like I did. You’re still young enough to start fresh with someone who truly loves you and prioritizes you.
Best of luck! .
Get out and take your wallet with you
She found out the hard way that she can’t afford to live without you and the grass isn’t greener. Not your problem anymore. Move on with your life.
Yup. It’s over. She just wants that financial stability.