So for context I’m 23F. Since I was a kid I’ve watched porn videos. At times I watched a lot more so at night before I sleep and mornings sometimes. I feel bad I know the industry is not good for women and how porn affects your brain and views on sex and I’m constantly thinking about sex and being touched. Also I can’t really orgasm as well or it takes a long time to. I know the main reason I watch porn and it’s loneliness. I’ve felt very lonely since I was a teen. I just feel I’ve never been seen or regarded as a special person in someone’s life I’m just very temporary to people. I do have family but things are different they have their own lives. I never had many friendships. Like maybe 1 or two over a long period of time then we drift apart. I’ve put the effort to contact people first but rarely works out. Im introverted so idk how to force myself to talk to new people without it feeling forced and I work nightshift so it’s hard to have opportunities to socialize. In recent months I feel the loneliness is worse. I was dumped in February of this year by a person I was dating for almost a year. Despite flaws and frustrations I had I think I really cared about them and felt some kind of feeling of love. But I got dumped and never thought to go back to them because they disrespected me in multiple ways. It’s summer where I live and it hurts really because we started dating the beginning of last summer . He was the only one I was constantly around during that time of dating. I know it’s not good to center one person in your life. I just thought he cared about me but I just projected that feeling of safety and care onto him. Now in recent weeks it’s hitting me I miss him a lot or at least the idealized version of him. It doesn’t help that he works where I work so I have to see him around. It hurts so bad so I’ve been viewing porn more. I don’t know I feel like I should quit but I’ve watched it since I was young so idk how to give it up officially. Are there any ways anyone with similar experience gave porn up successfully without having the urge to watch it again?
Also I can’t use dating apps as a solution as I already deleted the profiles I had. I never found success off there just men trying to use my body. I’ve used apps the week someone for years since I was 19 and I don’t think it would help with my problem of loneliness I think it made me feel worse.