Sometimes I’m alright with being single, but other days I’m just longing for a partner, wishing dating apps would work or that someone was there irl who I liked and who liked me back, I’d really like to be a good loving boyfriend to the right woman someday, also see what dating is really like, sure I have other priorities right now but the desire for a girlfriend is still strong sometimes.
I’ve been told if I’m unhappy on my own I won’t be happy with a gf but the person who told me hasn’t been single since their teen years so I’m not sure how valid that statement is, AFAIK they weren’t bothered about being single so it rings hollow.
Just in case I hadn’t made it clear, I’ve never had a girlfriend, but I do want to find one someday
21M, is it true that if you aren’t happy on your own you won’t be happy with a partner, and am I weak for having such strong desires instead of being completely content on my own?
TL:DR Am I weak for wanting a girlfriend instead of being happy on my own?
Comments
I honestly don’t think that this is true, at least not in the way you are interpreting it. It’s meant more along the lines “if you are not happy with yourself when you are single, you also won’t be happy with yourself when you are in a relationship”. But if your only real issue is that you are longing for a relationship, then yeah, go for it. You are not weak because you want some sort of companionship, its a basic human want really.
OK, let me start with a question to you: What do you like most about yourself? (and be specific)
Happiness can’t be found in others until it’s found in yourself. Take care of you, first.
The problem of being sad you’re not in a relationship is the only problem that is solvable by getting a girlfriend. That statement your friend made moreso means that having a girlfriend won’t fix any of your other problems. So if there’s other areas of your life you’re unhappy with be sure to work on them while you try to meet someone. And good luck with dating; it’s hard out there!
It’s not true, humans are naturally social animals
Sure some people are happy alone, but it’s biologically hardwired into us to seek someone out to do things with
Having friends does help obviously, but it’s normal to be unhappy without a partner to go through life with IMO
I don’t think this is true. It’s an overused platitude. Being in a relationship can make you happier. I’m definitely happier in a relationship than when single.
I believe this. If you’re expecting that someone will fill a hole in your life, it puts you at a risk of becoming overly reliant on your partner or having unrealistic expectations of your partner or start to become co-dependent. Also, once the « honeymoon period » wears off and you have bad days these may be taken out on your partner. Not to mention, not everyday in a relationship is rainbows and sunshine and if you can’t regulate your own happiness that can be a lot of someone who can.
While being in a relationship may ultimately make YOU feel happier it may not be so great for your partner. Especially if they have a rich life that also brings them joy outside of the relationship. You may start to become jealous when they want to do things without you or with their friends. In my opinion a partner should enhance your life and your happiness, but they can’t be responsible for it. Just something to think about.
It’s ok to want a partner and crave connection. But sometimes we’re too focused on that one thing that’s missing, as if it will solve all our problems.
Just don’t stop working on yourself even if you do get a girlfriend.