Hey, this happened yesterday and it’s all really fresh. Me, 13M, was at the beach with my sister, 16F, and my parents, 42F, 43M, both stayed on shore and didn’t get in the water. We were in this city for a dance competition for my sister and because she was dancing all week she really wanted to go to the beach. It was already kind of cold to go swimming, like 76 degrees Fahrenheit, and it had rained earlier, but since this was her only opportunity I stuck it out and went.
Anyways, we get to the beach and me and my sister get in. I learned after the fact they redid the beach and the sand hadn’t had time to settle. My sister is significantly shorter than me and she got stuck in this part and couldn’t swim forward because the waves were rough and couldn’t put her feet on the sand. So I, about 15 feet away, swim over to her and pull her to a safe distance. At that same time, a rip current hit me and I got pulled really really far. I tried swimming and treading water but the waves were super rough and I kept going underwater and swallowed lots of salt water. I threw up on myself in the water and tried screaming for help. I cried out to God thinking I was fully about to die. I tried floating on my back but even then the waves were rough and I kept going underwater. I was about to lose consciousness when a police officer came and rescued me. The entire experience was super traumatic than I even wrote it out to be.
I get to shore and the police and EMTs come and we have to head to the hospital. My mom goes in the ambulance with me, and my sister and dad drive there afterwards. While I was in the hospital bed after getting dropped off by the ambulance and checked out and waiting for the doctor, my sister asks her dance friend and her mom to pick her up from the hospital so she can get food and she leaves. It didn’t even seem like she cared that much but I mean I get it I’m also hungry so whatever.
Anyways, I wait for chest X-Rays and being cleared and everything and we finally get to go back to our hotel at 11:30 PM (drowning happens at around 6:50 PM or so). My mom, dad, and I go to Applebees because that’s the only thing open to get some food and get to the hotel at midnight. My sister is already sleeping but wakes up. My mom asks how it was with her friend and she starts telling us how she went back to the boardwalk and got food and went on a bunch of rides and had a lot of fun. I felt a lot of anger in that moment because the only reason I was in that situation was because of her and she’s riding rides and having fun while actively not knowing if I’m going to be okay after nearly dying.
I know rationally it isn’t her fault, a rip current is random and unpredictable, but I wouldn’t be in this situation at all if not for her and it seems like she doesn’t care about me at all. I’m in the hospital to see if I still have water in my lungs and getting chest X-rays while she’s riding rides and having fun. I can’t sleep because anytime I lay down I feel like I’m floating and my body tenses up like I’m drowning again, while she sleeps so peacefully.
I apologize for the length, but the rational side of me knows not to blame her but the emotional side of me can’t do anything besides resent and have anger towards the situation. I don’t know who to talk about this with because I know my mom and dad before we got back to the hotel had this whole mantra about how this is no one’s fault and whatever. But I can’t help not blaming her. The only reason we were even at the beach and the only reason I was in that situation is because of her, and she didn’t care long enough to wait in the hospital with us. If they had to do something or if I had water in my lungs, she would be gone and oblivious and off having fun while I’m there in the hospital for God knows how long.
I don’t know how to process this situation and this was already super traumatic and a near death situation for me. Any advice would be appreciated
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Give yourself some time. You both went through a scary experience. It sounds like the way she may have coped was shoving it deep inside and pretending everything is fine. It isn’t a right or wrong coping technique. It just sounds like it was what her body needed to do. Taking some time in the coming days to separate your feelings of the very real fear you experienced from how she responded after will help you process things. A few weeks from now if you are still struggling, consider asking your parents about a few counseling sessions. School counselors tend to be more of academic advisors but if your school also has access to a school psychologist sometimes you can see them once or twice. I hope you find peace navigating this experience. It sounds like a true freak accident and I’m glad you are both safe.
Well, you’re right to feel that way. She didn’t even thank you? hug you? All I can say is if you’re not a lifeguard or professional swimmer, then never go rescue someone who needs help. Two men dived in after two teenage girls were once drowning and they couldn’t find them, turned out they managed to make it to shore and the two men ended up dying. If someone needs help, even if it’s your sister, then get a lifeguard instead of doing it yourself.
This does indeed sound very traumatic and volatile emotions are to be expected, I think with some time your resentment towards your sister will become less intense. But no doubt she is inconsiderate af
So you basically saved her life and she didn’t give a shit? She didn’t even notice you almost drowning? I understand why you’re angry about that.
I don’t know how close your family is, but in my family I would have ‘meeting’ and discuss what hurt me and how they made me feel. Oftentimes people are so self-centred they don’t even consider the feelings of others. If possible, I would sit together without your parents and your sister and explain how your sister made you feel by not even giving a shit about your safety and your sacrifice. Try to talk it out if you can.
For me, if my sister acted like that and still didn’t see how hurtful her behaviour was or told me to ‘get over it’ after I talked to her, I wouldn’t consider her part of my family anymore. You literally risked your life to save her. If she doesn’t appreciate that, she’s not worth being considered family. That would be my approach.
Hope you can talk it out. Maybe consider therapy if you develop a fear of water.