My (27f) girlfriend (27f) is known for falling asleep really quickly. She works long hours, so once she gets home and lays down on the couch or the bed, she’s OUT. She’s also a very heavy sleeper.
This is usually not an issue, but today I really needed her to stay awake. Once a week I work in a different city 3+ hours away (3 hours there, 3 hours back plus traffic), and while I was on my way back home, my car battery died. I was still an hour away and it was already dark out. I had to wait until someone nice showed up and was able to jump start my car.
While this was all happening, I was on the phone with my gf. So I let her know I was on my way back and to keep an eye on my location just in case something else happens with my car. She said okay. When I got home, I called her to unlock the apartment complex gate (she’s the only one that has the gate access) but she didn’t pick up the phone. I called again over and over, it kept ringing and no answer, until I finally used our blink camera to yell her name and wake her up.
When I got in, I went off on her about falling asleep while she was supposed to be keeping an eye on my location. She also is well aware that I don’t have the gate access, she knows I’m stuck outside the apartment complex without her help. And yet I found her on the bed, fast asleep again, with a heated blanket on top.
She said “Sorry I tried to stay awake!” and I went off on her saying that it doesn’t look like she tried at all. I said that I shouldn’t have trusted her to actually make sure I got home safe. And then she started saying that I was being rude because of the way I was calling her out, and I told her I’m not being rude, she just doesn’t like to hear what I’m saying. And then she started crying and went to sleep on the couch.
AITA for yelling at her and calling her out?
EDIT:
Since people keep talking about the gate access…They JUST installed new gates, we didn’t have any issues before because I would use the extra fob (which now doesn’t work with the new gates). The reason why we didn’t add me to the lease is because we’re moving out in a month for a bigger space anyway. There was no point in paying $300 to add me to a lease for just a few months (I recently moved into her apartment for other reasons). She pays the apartment, I pay her half the rent.
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My (27f) girlfriend (27f) is known for falling asleep really quickly. She works long hours, so once she gets home and lays down on the couch or the bed, she’s OUT. She’s also a very heavy sleeper.
This is usually not an issue, but today I really needed her to stay awake. Once a week I work in a different city 3+ hours away (3 hours there, 3 hours back plus traffic), and while I was on my way back home, my car battery died. I was still an hour away and it was already dark out. I had to wait until someone nice showed up and was able to jump start my car.
While this was all happening, I was on the phone with my gf. So I let her know I was on my way back and to keep an eye on my location just in case something else happens with my car. She said okay. When I got home, I called her to unlock the apartment complex gate (she’s the only one that has the gate access) but she didn’t pick up the phone. I called again over and over, it kept ringing and no answer, until I finally used our blink camera to yell her name and wake her up.
When I got in, I went off on her about falling asleep while she was supposed to be keeping an eye on my location. She also is well aware that I don’t have the gate access, she knows I’m stuck outside the apartment complex without her help. And yet I found her on the bed, fast asleep again, with a heated blanket on top.
She said “Sorry I tried to stay awake!” and I went off on her saying that it doesn’t look like she tried at all. I said that I shouldn’t have trusted her to actually make sure I got home safe. And then she started saying that I was being rude because of the way I was calling her out, and I told her I’m not being rude, she just doesn’t like to hear what I’m saying. And then she started crying and went to sleep on the couch.
AITA for yelling at her and calling her out?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> The action that I think should be judged is the way I spoke to my girlfriend about falling asleep when she knows she shouldn’t have. I know I tend to sound harsh, even when I believe I’m in the right. I know that my girlfriend is very sensitive, so when she says I’m being rude and mean and I make her cry, I feel like I’m being an asshole. But I want to know if my reaction was justified or not.
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA. I would’ve been pissed too. You had a horrible day and she couldn’t do the one thing you asked her to do. She didn’t try to stay awake with a heated blanket on, she intentionally went to sleep…
And then the tears?? Give me a break
Info: Did she fall asleep on purpose or was she just really tired and did anyway?
ESH, she’s the asshole for not putting any effort to stay awake at all. However, I have personally done the “I can definitely stay awake” mistake before, you almost trick yourself into believing you can stay awake in your bed, and that you’ll just “rest your eyes for a minute”, and before you know it you’re out. You’re the asshole for yelling when not necessary, could’ve had an adult conversation either that night or in the morning.
NTA just bc she knew you were on your way home and couldn’t get in to your apartment. Also why don’t you have access?
NTA but you have to navigate with the benefit of the doubt that she really was just too tired to stay awake. Mistakes happen people fall asleep. However, she knows she’s like this so she should have set alarms, kept her phone on loud as safeguards. You have ever right to be mad, it’s her mistake but just remember it wasn’t intentional.
NTA, she didn’t fall asleep on the couch or ontop of the blankets while resting her eyes, she flat out tucked herself in.
INFO: Why do you not have gate access to your house? Also what time did you get in?
INFO
Why don’t you have haye access? Seems kind of weird for two adults to have one of them completely reliant on the other.
YTA
You said at the beginning ” She works long hours, so once she gets home and lays down on the couch or the bed, she’s OUT ” That basically sets the tone to the entire story you made. You ever stop think that maybe she is actually physically and mentally tired ? When you work long hours ( Which I do ) you are exhausted after work and trying to stay awake becomes quiet a challenge to try and stay awake . Its unfortunate that you had car trouble but you are a adult and appears you handled it and you asked her to keep and eye on your location incase anything happen and she tried and even apologized to you but you still went off on her about it .
My advice is to apologize to her and thank her for trying even though you know she is exhausted from work , and come up with a better system and get gate access .
YTA. get AAA, have yourself put on the lease and learn to be an adult.
So, you’re completely and fully aware that she can’t stay awake after work – yet you decided that she was the person who should watch you to ensure your safety?
Did you consider reaching out to someone who doesn’t fall asleep unintentionally every day? Your parents? A sibling?
You make this trip every week – but never have access to the house when you return and haven’t considered changing that since you know she will be asleep?
Logic and reasoning skills should’ve steered you toward asking someone else to babysit your ride home when you unequivocally know she cannot stay awake.
NTA she 100% did not even try to stay awake. She did not care so she tucked herself in and told herself she didn’t need to worry about it. Then she played victim to avoid her guilt. This person has no allegiance to the truth and most likely none for you either. If a serious relationship with a committed partner is something you are looking for, then you shouldn’t stay with her if she can’t or won’t change this kind of behavior/mindset.
YTA for being dependent to get gate access and not have AAA.
You live there but you don’t have gate access? How do you go home when she’s not there? This one ain’t adding up for me.
I understand both sides. My ex would fall asleep like that, and he could fall asleep anywhere, like his gaming chair and having worked a job that is physically and mentally exhausting, I understand why he would fall asleep so quickly. I wouldn’t say going off on her was a great way to have handled it but I can understand you were frustrated and probably tired and stressed. I would see about getting on the lease too so you aren’t locked out if you live together
P.S. I’d suggest paying a little extra for roadside assistance and maybe getting a jump box. These are things that were instilled in me when I started driving.
Is this the first time you’ve been locked out/stranded while she’s sleeping? Regardless of a gate access or not?
NTA. OP, your gf has shown her true side. You had a crap day – you needed her to literally stay conscious and check your location once in a while. She didn’t care. Worse, she purposely tucked herself up in bed when she knew you needed her.
It won’t get better – trust me, been there, I’ve not just got the t-shirt but indeed, a wardrobe full of far too many t-shirts that look near-identical. If she’s lying to you because she can’t be honest with herself, now, before you move in together in the new place? That won’t change.
You deserve better, man!
Given all the complexities you’re a bit of an AH
YTA – you got in. Was it more stressful having to wake her up, yes, but you got in. She works long hours. How long was her shift today? Your car battery died when you were driving home from another city; what time was that? How long do you expect her to stay up?
Without more info it sounds like her only detriment to you was not letting you in fast enough. Then you go off on her. Presumably because you’ve had a shitty stressful day and she takes it m
Get your own house keys if you’re going out. It’s not her fault she took your homeless ass in
Just get an Auto Club membership and let the woman snooze. She shouldn’t have to be at your beck and call like that.
Ok she shouldn’t have gone to bed but did you really need her to watch your location? What exactly was she going to do? You could just call a tow if it happened again? You could park and walk over?
Asking her to stay up late (1030 is LATE if she works a demanding job) for this is selfish. However, once she agreed she should have tried harder to stay awake.
ESH.
You pay rent there, you should have access to the apartment you live in.
Figure that out .
NTA
So you KNOW she falls asleep easiky and yet you entirely rely on her being awake? Why? What reasoning do you use to explain this? Can’t you park on the street? Why don’t you have acces? Thats like saying we both live here with only 1 key. I get why you are mad but THIS IS GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT!!!
My guy. Your girl is a sleeper and you thought she could stay up late? You need to work out your access problem loool
NTA. She made no attempt to stay awake, she was in bed and knew she was going to go to sleep
NTA. She should have put in more effort to stay awake. Especially after knowing your car had battery issues. What if something else had happened? It would be awful.
I will mention something – if she’s truly having difficulty staying awake, she should go see someone. My SO would fall asleep instantly when sitting on the couch in the evening or when we would go to bed. It was annoying and then it became concerning. Turned out they were having BP issues related to AFIB. They saw a GP and a cardiologist and got it taken care of. Now I fall asleep before them sometimes. 😆
i don’t know what you expected. i’m like your gf—i can fall asleep in under 30 seconds, and then i can stay asleep. when you’re incredibly tired your decision making is poor, and your brain can convince you that sure, you can stay awake while just getting a little… comfier… yawn……
tbh if you know she’s this sleepy you should have taken those steps to wake her up when you were close but not home yet. also, yelling at someone who’s barely awake is unfair; of course she started crying. you should have talked to her in the morning.
This is a repost with a gender change. Saw the same post a couple of months ago.
NTA, the heated blanket sealed it. You can’t accidentally fall asleep, on the bed, under a heated blanket. If I knew my partner just cad car issues and was on his way home, I would be on that phone the entire time
INFO: Has she ever had a sleep study done? I can’t tell the extent of it from your post, but I have a friend with narcolepsy so she falls asleep super fast and suddenly and there is some medication to help. Just thought I’d throw that out there for consideration.
I had a similar situation, and was wide awake crashing the fuck out with worry. Thinking about them stranded in the dark back then still stresses me out. I couldn’t have fallen asleep if I tried, checking their location constantly and stopping myself from calling every 5 minutes so they could figure it out lol.
NTA. She should care more.
YTA. A dead battery doesn’t stop a running car unless it needs to be replaced or there’s an alternator issue. It would’ve just prevented the car from starting. Due to this I’m thinking you made this story up.
Go to Walmart or Autozone and get a new battery installed. It’ll be anywhere from $250-$400 depending on your car, and then add roadside assistance to your car insurance.
ESH. She shouldn’t have done that to you, but the way you are describing your reaction seems like you overreacted a bit with all the yellig
You had every right to be angry, but at the same time you guys are ignoring a symptom. Falling asleep that quickly and heavily is usually an indicator of a sleep disorder.
Does she snore?
My wife used to fall asleep like that until she finally decided to get a sleep study done. Turned out she’s been living with sleep apnea. Once she addressed the sleep apnea, she doesn’t just pass out uncontrollably any more.
I’m saying YTA.
It’s not your girlfriend’s responsibility to ensure you arrive home safely. She works long hours and is obviously tired when she comes home. The last thing she should be expected to do is stay awake for you. It means less sleep for her before her next shift.
She? Crying??? The usual guilt tripping or deflection to make you think twice about your reactions