My partner (28F) and I (25F) have been together for a while and worked hard to build a calm, independent life for ourselves. We both came from rocky family backgrounds, but have created a soft, stable life—filled with communication, compassion, and just… peace.
Recently, her younger sister (19F) came to us for help. She has a lot of unresolved mental health issues that she refuses to address. She’s not working, doesn’t have a high school diploma, and is currently on social assistance. She had been living with their emotionally abusive father but got them kicked out of their last apartment after mouthing off to the landlord. (She had reason to be upset, but the way she handled it escalated things unnecessarily.)
She reached out to us because she needed help finding housing in the city and wasn’t sure if social assistance would cover rent. We agreed to help. We found her a place, paid her first month’s rent and damage deposit, bought her some groceries and essentials, and even gave her a bunch of stuff from around our house to help her get started. We also agreed to cover any financial gaps that she had until she found a job, paying for her groceries or her bills that she couldn’t afford.
Before moving into her new place, we let her stay with us for a few days. The only condition was that while we were away on vacation (5 days), she would take care of our three cats and keep the place reasonably tidy. We sent her clear messages about what was expected, including reminders during our trip.
When we got home, the house was disgusting. The cat litter hadn’t been touched, the kitchen was a mess, and the house smelled. I had to clean the kitchen before I could make supper for the three of us. My partner dealt with the cat litter.
Later, my partner gently brought it up with her. She reminded her that we were doing her a favor, and that not taking care of the house was disrespectful. Her sister completely lost it—screaming at us, calling us bitches, saying we were OCD (we’re not, our house is just normally clean but lived-in), and telling us we were on some kind of high horse and didn’t care about her.
She then started crying and yelling more. We told her that if she was going to continue behaving that way, she needed to leave. She stormed outside and sat on the front steps, calling everyone she knew and telling them we kicked her out.
For me, it’s not about the state of the house (although it was gross). It’s about the repeated disrespect. Every time she’s around, she’s yelling, angry, or emotionally explosive toward my partner. I’ve reached my limit.
So, AITA for telling her to leave and not tolerating this behavior in our home anymore?
Comments
^^^^AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! READ THIS COMMENT – DO NOT SKIM. This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team.
My partner (28F) and I (25F) have been together for a while and worked hard to build a calm, independent life for ourselves. We both came from rocky family backgrounds, but have created a soft, stable life—filled with communication, compassion, and just… peace.
Recently, her younger sister (19F) came to us for help. She has a lot of unresolved mental health issues that she refuses to address. She’s not working, doesn’t have a high school diploma, and is currently on social assistance. She had been living with their emotionally abusive father but got them kicked out of their last apartment after mouthing off to the landlord. (She had reason to be upset, but the way she handled it escalated things unnecessarily.)
She reached out to us because she needed help finding housing in the city and wasn’t sure if social assistance would cover rent. We agreed to help. We found her a place, paid her first month’s rent and damage deposit, bought her some groceries and essentials, and even gave her a bunch of stuff from around our house to help her get started. We also agreed to cover any financial gaps that she had until she found a job, paying for her groceries or her bills that she couldn’t afford.
Before moving into her new place, we let her stay with us for a few days. The only condition was that while we were away on vacation (5 days), she would take care of our three cats and keep the place reasonably tidy. We sent her clear messages about what was expected, including reminders during our trip.
When we got home, the house was disgusting. The cat litter hadn’t been touched, the kitchen was a mess, and the house smelled. I had to clean the kitchen before I could make supper for the three of us. My partner dealt with the cat litter.
Later, my partner gently brought it up with her. She reminded her that we were doing her a favor, and that not taking care of the house was disrespectful. Her sister completely lost it—screaming at us, calling us bitches, saying we were OCD (we’re not, our house is just normally clean but lived-in), and telling us we were on some kind of high horse and didn’t care about her.
She then started crying and yelling more. We told her that if she was going to continue behaving that way, she needed to leave. She stormed outside and sat on the front steps, calling everyone she knew and telling them we kicked her out.
For me, it’s not about the state of the house (although it was gross). It’s about the repeated disrespect. Every time she’s around, she’s yelling, angry, or emotionally explosive toward my partner. I’ve reached my limit.
So, AITA for telling her to leave and not tolerating this behavior in our home anymore?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> am i the asshole for setting the boundary?
i could be because she has nothing and no one to help and mental health problems.
Help keep the sub engaging!
Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
Click Here For Our Rules and Click Here For Our FAQ
Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
NTA
This young woman has somehow come to the conclusion that she has the right to treat anyone any way she wants, as rudely as she likes, and still expect them to provide for her.
That needs to end.
NTAs. She is too much for you to handle. She needs professional help.
NTA. She clearly needs help – and not the kind you and your partner can give her. She needs therapy and maybe meds. (And she needs to grow tf up.) Are there social services in your area that may be able to help her? Is her mom in the picture? Any other family (that’s not you two)? You do not have to put up with disrespect in your own home. You do not need this burden. You were very kind to try and try again…
NTA.
Updateme
NTA – she has mental issues and won’t get help. You can’t help her. Stop enabling her, you’re only making it worse.
NTA. She’s way too old to behaving like that. When she loses the apartment you found her don’t let her move back in.