I, 16F, have an older brother, 21M. My brother is autistic and for most of my life I’ve had to deal with everyone ‘babying’ him. He often gets away with making comments that make me uncomfortable with my parents excuse that ‘he doesn’t understand it’s wrong’. He makes a lot of sexual comments to me and in general, which I’ve told him I find gross but he doesn’t seem to care. Because of these comments I’ve grown somewhat resentful and cold towards him, often making fun of him in return for his comments. We’ve never really been close, mostly because of our difference in age (he’s 4 years older than me). Last night I was talking to him about a speed-dating event he’s going to next month. He’s never had a girlfriend and was excited at the idea of meeting someone at this event. I’ve been openly lesbian for four years and my entire family are okay with this and supports me. When we were talking, I asked him “do you think you’ll meet a girl or maybe a boy at the speed dating event?”. He got upset at the fact that I was suggesting he might be gay, so I started teasing him for it, which only made him more mad. About an hour later he sent me a really long DM through messages. I’ll spare most of the details, but he mostly just said that he’s been confused with his sexuality and if he’s even attracted to anyone at all. Because I’ve been openly lesbian for a while, I told him that there’s nothing to be ashamed of for being confused. I suggested he might be asexual, which he said he wasn’t. He started telling me about these urges he’s been having and why it’s been difficult for him. He was very vague when he used the word “urges”. I asked him what he meant by that and he told me he was very ashamed of it. After pushing him for a while he finally told me what his urges were. He was masturbating to child pornography. I was confused for a while and asked him what he meant, and he said that he masturbated to photos and videos of young boys (aged 8-12) doing activities like playing/running around naked. I told him I was disgusted and immediately blocked him. I told my parents and they’ve been working with him and trying to get him into therapy for his issues. Honestly, I feel horrified. I’m very passionate when it comes to what I think is morally right and wrong and it feels like he’s completely betrayed my trust. My mom says that he’s just lonely, and that those videos remind him of his childhood which makes him feel excited. I mostly just concerned about my younger sister, 3F, who also lives in the house. Her room is directly across the hall from his. I feel mortified. I feel betrayed. If I’m honest, I don’t think of him as a brother anymore. My mom wants me to forgive him but I’ve been ignoring him as much as possible. I really hope he moves out or leaves or something because I don’t feel comfortable living with him anymore. I don’t even want to look at him. Is that bad? What do I do going forward? Should I really consider forgiving him?
AITA for wanting to cut my autistic brother off after he told me his most shameful secret?
r/AITAH
Comments
Ywbta if you don’t call cps, he should not be in a house with a child.
NTA – it is not about „forgiving“, it is about ensuring the right protective measures are there & that no ones get hurt.
I would tell my mom in her face that if she closes her eyes again, this time the 3F might pay the price – the SA mostly happen not at the hands of the strangers but at the hands of the family members.
Is he in therapy???
YTA for not protecting your sister. She is in grave danger. You need to report this asap.
He’s probably only told you about the least offensive photos. You need to report this to the police in case there are sexually abusive images on his computer.
Early intervention can help with this (that is, intervention before he acts on these desires). He won’t get it if your parents make excuses for him. They’ll choose the wrong therapist for him if they’re not honest about what he needs. He’s not a child. Being autistic does not make you a pedophile.
It’s not up to you to forgive him. He hasn’t done anything to you. It’s the children he’s preying upon who have been harmed.
YWBTA if you didn’t report him. Once people start acting on these urges, they leave a trail of misery and trauma in their wake. And your little sister might be first.
Honey please talk to an adult at school.
He literally admitted to viewing and probably possessing CSEM (child sexual exploitation material). You genuinely do need to report this to the authorities. ESPECIALLY since your younger sister is in the same house and potentially in danger. This is not something you “forgive” and him being autistic is completely irrelevant to the situation because you don’t get a pass for viewing CSEM for being autistic.
Your brother is TAH for viewing such material
Your parents are TAH for defending him and putting your sister in danger
You currently are NTA but YWBTAH if you do not report this.
NTA for cutting him off. But you do need to do something to protect your little sister. He told you he’s into young boys but he may have also only told you that because he knows there’s a young girl in the house.
Your mom’s explanation for his pedophilia is insane. Plenty of people who have autism and are not into children…
Please report your brother. Your parents maybe upset at first, but trust me, it will be best in the long run. This is not a matter of forgiving because you can’t forgive this. Please report it to a trusted adult other than a family member.
I know he’s autistic but he also seems to be functioning enough to know right from wrong. The fact that he knew enough to try to hide it and only admitted when you pushed the matter means he knows what he was doing is both wrong and shameful. Yet he chose to do it. How can you not cut someone like that off? I would be very worried about him living in the house with younger siblings and would be furious with any parents allowing him to be spring young kids after finding that out. I hope he gets the help he needs and I hope he never gets an opportunity to act out any of his urges.
Wtf. Take those messages to the cops. He could have already hurt your little sister. You need to protect children, not the pedophile.
might get downvoted for this, but aslong as he doesnt actually hurt anyone its not the worst, with therapy and stuff I think he can get better?
but while its gross and offputting he is still a person, and he deserves help to overcome this uh.. disorder?
Call the fkn cops and child services. If you don’t anything that happens to your sister is on you. Same as if you did it yourself. This isn’t a fucking stupid question you ask Reddit. For fuck’s sake
You are honestly kind of an AH for encouraging him to open up to you about his urges, then freaking out and blocking him when he actually told you. I can understand that you weren’t expecting him to admit to watching child porn, and it was a big shock, and I get why you find it abhorrent. And I get that you are rightfully concerned about your sister. Those feelings are valid.
And, your brother admitted that he knows it’s wrong and he’s ashamed and doesn’t know what to do about it. He confided in you because he’s distressed about this and doesn’t want to feel this way. He needs help. Your parents need to recognize the gravity of the situation and help your brother find a therapist that can help him manage this, and they need to ensure that no children are harmed.
If you want to cut him off, based on this and the other issues you have with him, that’s your choice. I suggest that you get therapy to help you process the feelings you have about him in general and get help to deal with all this.
NTA
As others have said you should report him.
Before you do that speak to your parents. Tell them it’s very unfair that they are not dealing with this and are leaving it to you. If they don’t report it, you have to or you have to carry the fear and potential guilt about your sister. That’s not ok.
It’s possible they already knew and are trying to manage it. If he’s in therapy and the therapist knows it may have already been reported so reporting again won’t do anything or get you brother in trouble. If he hasn’t told his therapist yet he’s not getting the help he needs.
Either way sadly you need to get help and report him
NTA. And him being autistic has NOTHING to do with this. That’s disgusting and repulsive and it’s dangerous to have him around children.
NTA, definitely report this to the correct authorities and get him removed from the house, you nor your sister are safe in that house.
You’re parents are sooo fucked up. Coddling a sexual predator. Wtf.
YTA for not going to the police. Autism is not an excuse. I have it, it does not make me a pedo. If he is actively masturbating to children, that makes him an active pedophile. Please make sure your baby sister is okay and safe from him. Do NOT ever forgive him. Please call CPS, or the police. Take screenshots of him admitting to it. Nude imagery of children is considered Child Sexual Abuse Material, CSAM, under most laws. He can absolutely be arrested for possession of CSAM.
I call bullshit
– sibling did something bad
– parents try to deal with it / forgive him
– I don’t am I the asshole
– same shit different post
Ouch, so he opens up to his sister about something, he gets his life destroyed forever. That was dumb. Honesty is overrated.
Yeah yeah yeah, I see the big picture and it’s potentially tragic for many people. Doesn’t stop it from being ironic though.
Please don’t report him to the police, or even tell your friend. Absolutely discuss with your therapist. The reason I say this is because a lot of people in his position are genuinely not a threat and wish they didn’t have such desires. But because of the way this issue is viewed if it becomes public their life is tarnished forever. He’s trusted you by sharing it.
NTA! And it’s a natural conséquence of his action. It can even help him understand that his behavior is wrong and illegal. It can be explain by his ASD as he probably feel more like a kid but its still not acceptable. He needs help and sometimes facing consequences can help even the laws ones!
NTA call CPS and show the messages admit you have a three year old in the house and you are worried.
YWBTA if you don’t show the text exchange to CPS for your sister’s protection. If he isn’t already molesting her, he is still a serious threat.
At least he talked about his pedophilic urges… most do not dare to and end up doing something horrible to everyone’s astonishment and horror.
It is such a shameful (and of course immoral and illegal) « kink » that nobody ever talks about it.
This is not a very popular opinion, but I’ve always thought that there should be some sort of anonymous hotline for pedophiles in order to provide some sort of help or surveillance. A number they can call when they feel that the urge is too strong and that they might act, and thus get some help.
How else can we prevent pedophiles from pedophiling ?
This has nothing to do with Autism. But you are homophobic and ableist. You’re both TA
WHAT ARE THESS COMMENTS DEFENDING THIS PREDATOR/PEDO!?!?!?!?!?! Y’all telling her she’s an AH because she “got him to open up and then use it against him” is literally insanity!! You’re all problems, huge freaking problems.
Fuck your brother and your parents. Children are in danger and being exploited and they are worried about a pedophile. Fuck them, tell any mandatory reporter.
NTA. You absolutely need to report this especially because your little sister is there. Please protect her and seriously fuck your parents for protecting your brother.
Paragraph breaks please
NTA. Report now. He’s already hurt young ones. Being autistic is not an excuse, it’s shifting the blame off himself. Classic pedo. Anyone who says they have urges, is an immediate threat and needs to be reported to every source you can. Sexual relationships are not urges. Urges are only used for people like him. Remember, you are not the one destroying his life. It is him 100% alone. If he really was seeing a therapist for this, he would be on a watch list but like classic perverts, lie and charm their way through therapists.
Turn him in. This is not because of Autism. This is a predator.
Notify the local police for where he lives and screenshot all those messages. You need to protect any kids around him immediately
Please, please, please tell the Police.
Unless I’ve misread, he told you that on a message, it will give them grounds to secure a warrant and sieze his devices for examination.
You need to do this to safeguard your younger sibling in the first instance.
Your parents may not like it, but if he’s an adult (family or not) he needs investigating.
NTA, your brother is clearly a threat to the safety of children. I know it’s a big and scary step to report someone, especially a family member, but bottom line you and your sister deserve to know that your are in a safe environment.
This would kinda break my brain because i don’t deal well with confrontation at all, esp with family. But getting some kind of authority involved may avert your bother continuing to perpetuate harm by consuming CSAM, or worse escalate to the point where they are seeking out children to abuse irl.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what happens to your brother really, does it? Because he’s an adult making a choice of his own free will. He has shown you he knows it’s deeply wrong with the amount of shame he is obviously feeling. What matters is what happens to those kids in the footage. What matters is that the footage is traced instead of distributed further. What matters is that your sister is kept safe. None of those kids are in a position to say no, or have any free will, and they need protecting. Your therapist can help you to do the right thing, but your family may not forgive you for it. Doesn’t mean it’s not still the right thing though.
Your brother sounds like a non-functional human being for society.
Maybe it’s best to have him removed to a place where he’s supervised and can’t be dangerous, because he won’t make the difference between good and bad, or handle urges if your parents allow and excuse everything.
You need to go to the police and make a formal report/complaint.
Your brother is a pedophile. Your parents are enabling a pedophile.
NTA, but you would be if you didn’t report this to the authorities tbh. Dude straight up admitted he’s a pedophile.
Hey, you’re so young to be dealing with heavy stuff like this. I’m sorry for that, it’s hard enough when you’re in your 40s to consider this type of behaviour and it’s impacts let alone a mid teenager like yourself. You need to make a decision. This is going to be a hard decision for you, and it’s repercussions will be felt for a good long while. He needs to be reported to the police. He needs help, serious help, and it’s the type of help your mother is incapable of providing if she continues to minimise and dismiss his offending as she is now. Please, do the hard thing and report him. Do it as soon as possible.
During my internship for therapy school I worked with a lot of mandated clients who had been looking at similar images. Please know that in my personal experience with the several dozen clients I saw in that time, viewing images did not equate to enacting. Watching something happen is so different from doing that thing.
Of course, be cautious, and take care of yourself. Also, you are 16. This is your brother not your child. Please put some adults on this. You do not have to do it alone, even though it was a secret told to you. Someone else can decide if laws were broken (naked images of minors) and what needs to happen.
CPS will get involved to the extent of removing your little sister from the house if they find out your parents have knowingly allowed a pedophile in the home with her, and knowing that he has child pornography in the home. He also used to make sexual comments to you, which most likely were attempts to groom you for SA, so it’s very unlikely that his interest is boy-specific. And if he tries it with your sister, he’ll already have some idea of what DOESN’T work because of your failure to fall for it.
I also don’t like saying this but some pedophiles who have a preference will just go for any gender the younger the kid is because younger children are quite androgynous. You have to report this. She is not safe.
I am autistic – if he has enough social skills to even consider speed dating, he’s not as touched by an angel as your folks think. People make the mistake of treating male autistics like they’re Rain Man and incapable of doing bad things intentionally. That notion is CATEGORICALLY FUCKING FALSE. Autism doesn’t make you incapable of doing incredibly bad things.
You need to tell the police or child services, downloading that stuff is a crime.
Please report this. Get her out of that house. Do something. Please. I was SA by my older brother when I was young. Please protect that baby.
Report to the police. Regardless of family or mental health excuse he needs removing from anywhere children go..
No – your brother needs help. Intensive help. He is sexually attracted to children. This is not an autism thing – I have autism and not once have I or any autistic I know thought about children in that way.
It’s actually disgusting that your mother is using that as an excuse for her son’s proclivities. She should be ashamed of herself.
Do you have any other responsible adult to confide in because your parents are already in denial and excuse mode and god forbid your sister pays the price
Nope. NTA. No need to consider forgiving him. You have lived with this person, so you already knew he was a trash human. This information is simply too disgusting to tolerate. NTA
So. Effing. Sick of people acting like autism is the ‘get out of consequences free’ card.
Im autistic. The idea of touching a child or even thinking about a child sexually makes me physically ill. Like I will throw up if I think about it too long. Your mom is slandering all autistics rather than bring consequences to her child predator son. He should lose his internet access and phone for sure. As well as be removed from the house.
Nta contact the police because he definitely has csam
I’m autistic, if I do that lock me up forever or worse
No one has mentioned it far as I could read, but look at Breedlove. Any model. I’ve been playing them for years. That being said, plenty of nice Martin’s and Taylor’s in the price range.
Definitely look brands, and then once you know what brands offer the feel you prefer, that’s when you should play a few until you just find it.
Gibson has also has come out with a great line in the price range you are in.
That your mom isn’t horrified is the most alarming thing here. You are NTA. Please report this to your therapist, the burden of this should not rest on you.