Little bit of a backstory, I (23m) have known this girl (21f) since my junior year of high school (her sophomore). We’ve always had kind of a thing, but she’s always been very wishy washy. We talked a lot in high school but once I graduated, I enlisted, got sent to Italy for a few years and got out March of last year. About once a year since 2020, she’ll hit me up and be super flirty and interested for a week or so and then ghost me for another year. Well this year was different. She liked me on hinge and I was already skeptical from our past experiences but matched with her anyways. Sent her a text and got two responses in 3 days, I didn’t like that so I unmatched her. She dms me Instagram and asks why I unadded her on Snapchat (our primary communication before I deleted it) and then ends up asking if I want her number so I said of course. Things were going great, the conversation was flowing, she’s responding in seconds, says we should go out, I agree, and we do. The date was great, and all of our dates since then have been great. The problem is, after every time we go out her texts start to space out more and more. To the point where yesterday she sent a reaction to my text in the morning and I didn’t get a text from her until 9:30 at night and it was just a picture of 3 hard boiled eggs on a plate. I text back in like 15 minutes and she didn’t respond until 2 am with “fuck I just saw this”. I just get tired of it. she’s done the reaction thing a couple times before and I’ve told her I don’t like it, I have no way to respond to it, and she acknowledged it so she knew what she was doing. She’s on summer break from college, doesn’t have a job, and doesn’t really do anything so I know she’s on her phone and just not responding.
do I just end this now before I get anymore invested? I’m too old to play this “who cares less” game. I’ve talked to a few women and I know the signs when I see em. I’ve done everything I thought I was supposed to do. bought her flowers, planned nice dates, made her laugh, listened when she’s upset, given advice where she’s asked, never let her touch her touch a door handle, never let her pay, etc… I like her a lot, her family likes me, my family likes her. I can see a future with her when we’re physically spending time together, but I don’t wanna play this game for the rest of my life. Mentally it’s exhausting. I don’t know if I’m overthinking it, but I don’t feel like it should be like this. I’m thinking of just ending it here and telling her this is the last time we do this. Any advice is appreciated.
TL;DR she’s been inconsistent since high school, things were going great, now it’s hard to get her to respond.
Comments
Why don’t you bring this up with her? Call her out on the spaced out replies, make it clear how that makes you feel, and see what she says.
If she’s apologetic and makes an effort to change, then the relationship’s worth saving. She could just be lazy man. I’m slow at texting people back – doesn’t correlate with how much I like or value them
If she gets defensive, then just leave
Block her and move on, if she was that interested in you she would have a need to text you just as you do. She clearly doesn’t feel the same about u as u do about her.
The historic interactions are a very poor start to this relationship. That being said, you are now going on in person dates and I imagine some things have changed.
You need to decide if someone being a poor texter is a dealbreaker for you. For me, it wouldn’t be so long as I trusted that the person cared for me and was great in person. With your history of “ghosting” you don’t have a great level of trust built up.
So tell her what you told us– hey, I’ve noticed you don’t seem very interested in texting me. I’ve noticed that for other people you [text a lot, text in an interesting way] and it makes me feel devalued. You’re so great in person and I love our connection but with our history the lack of texting makes me concerned you’re losing interest. What’s going on?