we had sex last night and Idk if it’s a kink but I enjoy sex if I hear him moan, slap me or something but he doesn’t even moan so even in the middle of our sex, I often remind him to even talk, moan or to slap my ass, pull my hair, etc. which he SOMETIMES follow for me to keep feeling aroused. I feel like im only forcing myself to feel turned on because I feel like im the one who’s only making efforts. Now just this morning, he was laughing and mocking my phrases like “slap me” “pull my hair” when we were having sex, he said he doesn’t know what to do at that time and laughing that “I was thinking what if I punch you bec you kept on telling me to hurt you.” Then kept on laughing, as if what happened last night was just a joke and not genuine at all. I let myself be comfortable last night just to make myself feel comfortable and enjoyable (yk, im just trying to fill the gaps on our sex, he doesn’t moan or anything so I’ve decided to always just communicate it even in the middle of our sex) but most of the time, i had breakdowns abt this bec he seems not attracted to him. he’s a lil bit feminine and even before, when I was trying to seduce him while wearing a lingerie, he verbally told me that he’s not attracted to that type of clothes in a irritated way. I felt offended when he mocked that and when I opened up about it, he got offended too and even tho I was crying while communicating, he got mad and told me “ill never open up again to you on what I was thinking while we’re having sex” “I wasn’t mocking you, I was just laughing on my thoughts, ill never open up again.” And now he’s not talking to me.Is my reaction and feelings valid? Is it really my fault for getting offended?
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The end of your past has me a little confused but you should never feel bad for expressing how you feel to your partner.
I would be offended too if he “mocked” the things I said during sex. It’s an intimate and vulnerable time. You felt safe enough to ask for things you wanted and he sort of ripped the carpet from under you by laughing about it the next day.
I would try to sit down and have a conversation about both of your needs and try to hear each other out
this is a red flag and you’re not overreacting or getting too offended, he was being a huge asshole. sex is hard and while it can be funny and important to laugh about, there’s a different between laughing WITH someone about/during sex and laughing AT someone about/during sex.
then the way he started pouting and saying “I’ll never open up again” – he sound extremely childish. he may not believe it because he’s immature, but there is a middle ground between openly mocking your partner and then not communicating at all.
it sounds like he has a long way to come in terms of respectful mature conversation. you’re not responsible to teach him that.
He’s allowed to not find these things attractive and enjoyable just like you are allowed to find them attractive and enjoyable.
Sounds like the two of you are not sexually compatible.
It’s gross to get mocked for things that happen during sex, period. You have every right to feel icky because it was icky of him to do that. This relationship is not a keeper.
This guy sucks
It doesn’t seem like he intended it as mocking you. He was laughing at how awkward he felt in the moment because he doesn’t feel comfortable doing what you are asking him to do. He clearly doesn’t want to do something to hurt you. You shouldn’t insist on him doing it over and over again despite him clearly showing and telling you that he doesn’t want to.
It sounds like you have a big compatibility issue. It’s not right to try to force someone to do things they don’t want to do. How many ways can he tell you no?? If these things are that important to you, then you need to find someone else to be with.
Btw, most guys don’t moan.
The lack of respect he has for you is heartbreaking. It literally doesn’t get more vulnerable than having another person inside your body, and he chooses that moment to belittle you and dismiss you.
If this is the only point of contention in your relationship, and he’s otherwise respectful of you, therapy is definitely warranted. It could be a compatibility issue that he doesn’t know how to express and could possibly worked on. But, if respect and care for you is nonexistent, you should rethink the relationship altogether.
He is a very bad man mocking you and making you cry. You better teach him a lesson and dump him.
He is immature and unkind. You were being vulnerable and communicating a need. He is acting like your pleasure is unimportant. Joking about punching you is uncool.
You’re not sexually compatible. You’re kinky and he is vanilla.
He’s laughing because he felt awkward.
Have you considered dating someone who likes you and is nice to you all the time?
You are young, you aren’t married, this is the point of dating. Dump and move on, there are plenty of decent people out there.
I regret to inform you that your boyfriend is a turd. If what you did made him uncomfortable, he could’ve sat you down and had a sincere conversation about it. Unfortunately he is not able to do that, as it seems he is entirely composed of horse manure.
Honestly he sounds like an asshole and life is too short for that. It’s ok for him to not like what you like, but never allow someone to kink shame you, it’s ok to like what you like. He should have a proper discussion about this. That being said though I don’t think your guys are sexually compatible. And I know some will say this doesn’t matter in a relationship, but it does because eventually you’re not gonna wanna have sex with him because well it’s doing nothing for you, and he’s gonna be upset about that.
Your feelings are absolutely valid. You expressed your feelings as feedback and instead of receiving and accepting this feedback, he mocks and belittles your emotions. It’s okay if he didn’t realize those comments were harmful at first, but now that you’ve directly told him as much he could adjust his behavior accordingly if he cares about your feelings. Instead he’s choosing to be a jerk, straight up.
Don’t force yourself into uncomfortable or unfun sex. If you aren’t feeling it, stop it in its tracks. Stop trying so hard for someone who doesn’t acknowledge your feelings.
Totally justified for him to make fun of you for that , plus you could be ruining it for him at the same time in order to keep your kinky ass stimulated
He is really good at DARVO. Big red flag. Things with him will get worse not better.
I honestly think this alone is a really good reason to break up with him.
The thing is, if he actually had concerns about different sexual interests (ie he doesn’t enjoy being dominant) he could have just said it in a respectful way.
There is no excuse for shaming you so cruelly about something so personal.
Two things:
Some men don’t care about lingerie and some do. He clearly doesn’t. Most men don’t moan, that’s only in porn. Some men like to slap or pull hair but that is a dominant-related kink and some people really don’t like to do that. He’s probably feeling uncomfortable. You need to talk to new partners and see what kind of kinks they have and if they align with yours. You can’t make your current partner like those things when he doesn’t. He shouldn’t have made fun of you about something vulnerable, sounds like he doesn’t know how to have a mature conversation about sexual subjects.
Picture if he wanted to do anal and you didn’t. And he kept pressuring you and pressuring you to do it. You would probably react awkwardly, too.
You’re both incompatible and immature. Great lesson for both of you here.
He’s cringey af
ESH.
He’s not expressive during sex. You’re trying to force him to do things he doesn’t do naturally. Bringing it up once or twice is one thing. Giving him a running list of instructions during sex is bad. And might feel offensive – like he’s not good enough or not doing it right.
He could have handled the subject more sensitively and had a more mature conversation about it, for sure.
Are you sure you two are compatible? It sounds like you would prefer someone who is more expressive, and he would prefer someone willing to let him relax and enjoy without critiques.
He has a right to feel how he feels about it but he doesn’t have a right to mock you or make fun of you about it. That’s not love, IMO.
Mocking you only emphasizes his immaturity and inability to express himself as an adult with a more adventurous partner. He meant to be offensive and he succeeded.
There is no talking about different needs with him and sex with him will always fall short for you.
Simply tell him that the two of you prefer different things and you are breaking things off to allow each of you to find people who more closely match preferences.
Oh brother this guy STINKS
Break up with him. He’s an asshole and y’all aren’t sexually compatible.
Sounds like you have a girlfriend whos extra catty. Mocking you for what you enjoy is wild. Sure it could be his age and maturity but lame is still lame. It also sounds like you have to put in all the effort to initiate and keep yourself interested which is a no go for me. You cant carry the intimacy by yourself. You will get bored. Id ask myself how invested I am in the situation if i were you
Get a MAN
Ewwww that’s just plain wrong. We are at our most vulnerable during sex and to have someone who is supposed to care for you, mock you, is just despicable. Find a more nurturing mate.
You don’t need permission to feel offended. Dump the loser and free your self to find a compatible lover.
Stop wasting your time with him.
My partner used to be silent during sex because he grew up masturbating silently, it was his normal. We discussed it (in a non-sexual environment) & was receptive to trying to be more vocal. Now he loves to be vocal during sex & is constantly moaning or growling sexy things into my ears. I love it.
Your bf could be like my partner & just be conditioned to be silent during sex acts. He could also be nervous & uncomfortable, hence the inappropriate laughing. What he should never do is belittle or mock you for expressing your desires & feeling to him. Idk if he’s embarrassed/nervous & behaving like a jerk in this specific instance or if this is a pattern of more concerning behavior. But you’re both young so talking openly about sex may be difficult & awkward.
Have you tried having a serious, adult conversation with him about your desires & feelings when you’re not being intimate? It’s never a good idea to have these discussions in the middle of the act. Otherwise you two simply might not be sexually compatible. He may never enjoy lingerie, spanking, hair pulling, or dirty talk & that’s ok. You’d either have to accept that or find another partner if you can’t.
You two don’t sound sexually compatible honestly. You’re also both young and he may not be great at deep communication. Just off what you said, is he sure of his sexuality?
He treated you poorly; you shouldn’t have been mocked for trying to make your intimate time more enjoyable. He got upset when talking it out and went defensive because he likely knows it was wrong, on some level, of him to do that but might not be mature enough to say so. Your feelings are valid here
Omg break up with him. Break up with any man who makes you feel unsafe to be vulnerable. That is not your future partner, that is an asshole.
Sounds like you can do better.
You’ve made an effort, you’ve even given him a road map. And he’s acting like a painfully immature and slightly effeminate 15 year old boy.
Your kink is hardly something wild or unusual. It’s not like you’re asking for an anything gross or inappropriate.
And sadly even when you put in an effort like buying lingerie and wearing it, he lacks the emotional maturity to recognize that you put in an effort. You want to please him. You want to feel sexy. You want him to compliment you.
It’s hard to see how this one is worth any additional effort. There are plenty of guys out there who will gladly give you what you want and be grateful for the effort you put in.
He’s quiet because he’s trained himself to be as quiet as possible to achieve an orgasm growing up. So he wouldn’t get caught. So now the idea of him saying anything at all during sex is a challenge for him. Once he de-conditions himself from that he’ll probably be in a better position to be an open minded and enthusiastic partner willing to explore with you.
I think the two of you have very different expectations about what constitutes great sex.
You like to be handled a bit roughly, and you want your partner to be loud and expressive in his appreciation of your body. He prefers plain ol’ vanilla sex, without a lot of what he considers unnecessary drama and pillow talk. You say you feel like you have to force yourself to feel turned on during sex, and that’s because you are on such different wavelengths.
I don’t think your BF was mocking you for asking him to pull your hair and slap you a bit to increase your excitement. He was telling you, in his joking/not-joking way, that he’s afraid to play rough because he’s worried he might overdo it, and he doesn’t want to hurt you. Similarly, he wasn’t mocking you for wearing sexy lingerie; he was being honest in telling you it’s a turnoff for him, rather than the erotic tease you were hoping for. You are both feeling vulnerable as you try to open up and express the things you like and dislike in bed, but you’re also both very sensitive and get insulted when your partner obviously doesn’t like what you have to say. So your attempts to communicate have always ended in meltdowns, with you crying and him feeling frustrated that he can’t express his true feelings to you.
To be honest, I don’t think either of you is wrong or right here. You’re both just very different in your sexual preferences, and unable to even talk about it long enough to see if there’s any room for compromise. I’m not sure you’ll be able to resolve the situation. Your biggest turnons would make him feel extremely uncomfortable and constantly worried about hurting you, which for most men would result in a loss of his erection. OTOH his idea of an ideal sexual encounter would leave you feeling bored to tears, and unlikely to climax. If sex is very important to you, I think you’d be much happier with a man who wants the same things you want in bed.
I don’t find his initial comment horrible (maybe just in bad taste) because it seemed like he was uncomfortable with the topic and maybe trying to make light of it. When you questioned him and he got defensive and gaslight-y, THAT’S where I have to draw the line. He was mocking. And for him to attempt to shut down the conversation by saying he will “never open up again” is super freaking immature. Either you can both have a mature convo about what you want in the bedroom, or you can’t, and it sounds like he’s not mature enough right now. If he’s not willing to discuss what you want in a calm space, and not be accusatory, then maybe he’s not the one for you.
break up or you’ll always feel insecure and less than