First of all, thank you to everyone who commented. I didn’t expect the post to get much attention, and honestly, reading through the replies helped me more than I can say. Some of you really saw the pain behind the situation and didn’t minimize it, and I needed that more than I realized.
So, a few days after our conversation, my mom texted me. At first, I wasn’t even going to respond, but curiosity got the better of me. She said she “understood” that I was still upset and that she “wishes things had been different.” But the message was still about how she felt, not what she did. No real apology. No acknowledgment of what it was like for me as a kid. Just… vibes, honestly.
Then came the kicker — she invited me to a family dinner at her house. Said it could be a “fresh start.” Her husband would be there. I didn’t respond. I’m not interested in sitting at a table with someone who made my childhood feel like a competition. I didn’t need a “fresh start,” I needed her to show up when I was 13 and scared and lonely. That time is gone.
My aunt (her sister) later messaged me saying I should “be the bigger person” and that “life is too short for grudges.” I’m not holding a grudge. I’m holding boundaries. There’s a difference.
So, no, I haven’t forgiven her. And I don’t know if I ever will. But I’m not angry. I’ve just stopped hoping for something that clearly isn’t coming. I’m working on healing with people who actually showed up for me. And I’m okay with that.
Thanks again for everyone who took the time to comment. You helped more than you know.
My old acc was deleted idk why
Comments
Thanks for the update. Sorry it’s not the result you hoped for, but you can move on knowing you tried your hardest.
Cool fake update bro you forgot to post it on your other account 🤣
You should never have to be the bigger person when it comes to your parents. They should always be the bigger person.
Tell aunt mom should of been the bigger person. And that you have been one for your childhood. Youre no longer going to be one. And to stay out of this or you will have to cut her off for your own mental health.
Extended family gets 0 say in how you deal with other realities.
One of the rules in my life is you can only stab me in the back once as I’ll never be there for you to do it again. I’m a little shocked your even thinking of going to her home.
“… I’m not holding a grudge. I’m holding boundaries. There’s a difference…”
THIS
Put it on pillows, embroider a sample, graffiti a bridge-this NEEDS to be a common saying across the land
Wait, what? Why or how in the world is it up to the YOUNGER person to be the bigger person? I’m tired of the ‘be the bigger person’ being said to the child and not the parent!!
Man, i am SICK AND TIRED of busy body relatives telling CHILDREN that THEY need to “be the bigger person” when dealing with adults…
Op you did nothing wrong, your Aunt is just a moron
Do you have a link to the original post? Because you’ve posted this update on a new account.
” She said she “understood” that I was still upset and that she “wishes things had been different.” But the message was still about how she felt, not what she did. No real apology. “
So she understands how you’re still upset, but she hasn’t made an attempt to apologise or to rectify her mistakes?
Sounds like she is only wanting to heal whatever is going on inside her mind. Go either LC or NC if you have to for your own sake.