I (22F) recently went on a trip with my boyfriend, my younger cousin (18F), her best friend (18F), and my sister (18F). It was supposed to be a fun little getaway, but it ended in complete chaos. My cousin and her friend couldn’t have taken this trip without me. Their parents would not have allowed them to go alone. Looking back, I honestly feel like I was used. They didn’t seem to care about our presence.
On the last day of the trip, we decided to drive 2 hours to beach town, which my boyfriend drove us (along with paying for many meals on the trip). But throughout the drive, my cousin and her friend kept backseat driving and making comments (they don’t drive). My boyfriend started getting irritated because every little thing he did was questioned. They kept saying they felt “unsafe” because he would get lost or frustrated while driving, so they told me to take over. At first everyone was joking around, but my cousin’s friend kept pushing boundaries. we are not even close with her. At one point she called him “autistic” and asked me where “I got IT from” referring to my boyfriend. What started as banter turned into personal digs and flat out rude comments. He snapped and raised his voice too.
That night at dinner he left quietly to cool off. No yelling, no slamming doors. He took an Uber and went back to the Airbnb, leaving us with the rental car. Later he came back and didn’t say a word. But after that, my cousin and her friend said they felt “unsafe,” that he “abandoned” us, and turned the whole thing into a crisis. They said they can never forgive him and will always see him as a “manchild”. Their argument is that we were in a new city and we’re all women, but I didn’t know they needed a man to feel safe especially given how back home, they’re constantly hanging out late at night, alone, in a city with terrible public transportation. How is me driving them back somehow more dangerous?
Apparently I was being a reckless driver bc I was upset and crying at first while driving, and I texted my boyfriend three or four times to check on him. We were on a straight highway, I was focused, and I got us home just fine.
The part that pushed me over the edge was when they told me they “pity me” and feel sorry that I’m with someone who “doesn’t respect me.” This is coming from two girls who are extremely co-dependent. My cousin’s friend literally changed her major just to match my cousin’s. They do everything together and rely on each other for everything. Meanwhile, I have traveled to five countries solo, live independently, and can take care of myself. But they pity me?
Eventually I sent a message calling out how disrespectful they were and how none of their own actions were being acknowledged. Now they’re saying I’m “defensive” and “enabling selfish behavior.”
From my perspective, my boyfriend did what he could. He removed himself from a toxic situation instead of escalating, came back quietly, and made sure we had the car. But now I’m the one being shamed.
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I (22F) recently went on a trip with my boyfriend, my younger cousin (18F), her best friend (18F), and my sister (18F). It was supposed to be a fun little getaway, but it ended in complete chaos. My cousin and her friend couldn’t have taken this trip without me. Their parents would not have allowed them to go alone. Looking back, I honestly feel like I was used. They didn’t seem to care about our presence.
On the last day of the trip, we decided to drive 2 hours to beach town, which my boyfriend drove us (along with paying for many meals on the trip). But throughout the drive, my cousin and her friend kept backseat driving and making comments (they don’t drive). My boyfriend started getting irritated because every little thing he did was questioned. They kept saying they felt “unsafe” because he would get lost or frustrated while driving, so they told me to take over. At first everyone was joking around, but my cousin’s friend kept pushing boundaries. we are not even close with her. At one point she called him “autistic” and asked me where “I got IT from” referring to my boyfriend. What started as banter turned into personal digs and flat out rude comments. He snapped and raised his voice too.
That night at dinner he left quietly to cool off. No yelling, no slamming doors. He took an Uber and went back to the Airbnb, leaving us with the rental car. Later he came back and didn’t say a word. But after that, my cousin and her friend said they felt “unsafe,” that he “abandoned” us, and turned the whole thing into a crisis. They said they can never forgive him and will always see him as a “manchild”. Their argument is that we were in a new city and we’re all women, but I didn’t know they needed a man to feel safe especially given how back home, they’re constantly hanging out late at night, alone, in a city with terrible public transportation. How is me driving them back somehow more dangerous?
Apparently I was being a reckless driver bc I was upset and crying at first while driving, and I texted my boyfriend three or four times to check on him. We were on a straight highway, I was focused, and I got us home just fine.
The part that pushed me over the edge was when they told me they “pity me” and feel sorry that I’m with someone who “doesn’t respect me.” This is coming from two girls who are extremely co-dependent. My cousin’s friend literally changed her major just to match my cousin’s. They do everything together and rely on each other for everything. Meanwhile, I have traveled to five countries solo, live independently, and can take care of myself. But they pity me?
Eventually I sent a message calling out how disrespectful they were and how none of their own actions were being acknowledged. Now they’re saying I’m “defensive” and “enabling selfish behavior.”
From my perspective, my boyfriend did what he could. He removed himself from a toxic situation instead of escalating, came back quietly, and made sure we had the car. But now I’m the one being shamed.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1- called them out and argued
2- bc they think i’m defending a horrendous act and my cousin said she’s disappointed in me
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
They are only just adults but clearly very immature. Just leave it. You surely don’t actually want to spend your time with them?
I’m so sorry the two of you had to deal with a pair of eighteen year old children pretending to be grown and superior to those around them. You and your boyfriend handled it well. NTA
Just don’t do anything for this cousin or her friend ever again. If they ask why simply say actions meet consequences.
NTA. They behaved very badly. Let them, and their parents, know that you will never take them anywhere again.
(btw texting while driving is not a good idea at any time).
Well they just lost your friendship, tell the parents how they behaved and the names that they called your boyfriend, he will back you up, maybe the consequences of their actions will catch up to them, karma is its own timekeeper
Overall, you are NTA, but you were kind of an AH to your bf. You should have called them out on their bullshit to their face instead of with a message later. Also, I would let them know how much money they owe your BF for paying for stuff since they don’t respect him. Get him his money back.
NTA their the A for not thanking you and you’re boyfriend for everything you all did for them I would just leef and leef them alone there and cal there parents to pick them up because you’re done whit them you really nice people for steel paying and driving them after hou they treaded you and you’re boyfriend and they can’t respect woman. just call there parents already and sent them the messages what shamed you and explain the situation
NTA but please do not drive when crying or highly emotional or while using your phone. Especially with passengers in your vehicle. Not lecturing you, you and your BF are not in the wrong here but safety first. A dear friend decided to drive while upset enough that she started crying after a while. She couldn’t see clearly, missed a signal, tried to correct and crashed the car. It only takes a tear in your eye or a split second loss of attention to have an accident.
ESH (edited because I can’t get my acronyms right lol)
You guys are all very young. I know you feel leagues older than them right now, and you are, sort of. Also the age gap becomes more apparent when in difficult situations.
Driving to that town, the two girls fed off of each other. Probably wanting to one up the other on egging on your boyfriend. That was wrong. They were dramatic, catty, mean girls. They also probably won’t see the error of their ways till they gain some maturity, so expecting a real apology is a lost cause.
But
Your boyfriend does sound a little unsafe. If he’s getting lost and reacting to that by getting upset. I can see how they were freaked out. Being trapped in a car with a man who is yelling/road raging (even minorly) is scary. You know him, you know he means well. They dont. They have a right to be scared, they have zero control in that situation.
At the restaurant, dude just left? Didn’t say why? He left you guys in a strange city. You may feel like a world traveler but you are a young woman too. Your life experience is still happening and not seeing how that is a problem, is just rose colored glasses. Three young women who are noticeably alone and unfamiliar with the city is a dream for someone with bad intentions.
The girls then got in a car with a person (you) who was emotionally unstable. Crying, freaking out because he left you guys in a restaurant. How can you fault them for being upset when you were too? You then take off upset and texting, which is illegal by the way. It takes one second of distraction for an accident to happen. They also have a right to feel unsafe in the moment, because they were. It absolutely doesnt matter that you made it safe. You very well could have hurt or killed all three of you with your distracted driving.
Honesty you all suck. You all need to grow up. And you all need to apologize. Your boyfriend too.
This is the most Gen Z shit I’ve ever heard
Give your cousin and her friend’s parents an earful about their atrocious behavior and tell them that you will NEVER take them anywhere again. Tell your parents as well, just so they know. Maybe even request the parents pay him back for any money he spent on those brats.
How was your sister during all of this? If she participated in any of it, tell her and your parents how awful she was and that you will never take her anywhere either.
You were absolutely right in defending your boyfriend. Keep defending him. If those brats say anything in social media, call them out and embarrass them for their behavior.
NTA because they sound like they were really badly behaved. However:
‘Apparently I was being a reckless driver bc I was upset and crying at first while driving, and I texted my boyfriend three or four times to check on him’
You WERE being a reckless driver. You were not focused and you’re lucky you all got home safely. No matter how awful people are to you, safely has to come first.
NTA. They can do things for themselves in future.
NTA. Just FYI, your allowing it at the start is what emboldened them. Young folk like that are trying to find the boundary and someone had to set it.
ESH. Yeah, you absolutely were driving recklessly. I’m going to assume that texting and driving is probably normal for you. That you probably scroll Tiktok and record videos of yourself, too. And I’m sure every single one of those times, you have an irrelevant justification for your shitty and dangerous actions just like this time.
All of you are addicted to drama.
Apparently I was being a reckless driver bc I was upset and crying at first while driving, and I texted my boyfriend three or four times to check on him. We were on a straight highway, I was focused, and I got us home just fine.
I know emotions were high, but PLEASE next don’t use your cellphone while driving
YTA for texting while driving. Doesn’t matter what type of road you were on.
The AH’s are clearly your cousin and friend. I hope you made it clear your boyfriend wants reimbursement for EVERY meal and anything else he generously paid.
They’re immature and entitled and owe you both apologies you’ll probably never get. Remember this little disaster for the next time your cousin wants favors. NTA.
Girl, block those two and go NC. They have A LOT of growing up to do.
YTA.
First off, don’t text and drive. Don’t drive while crying if you can’t focus on the road 100% don’t fucking drive.
Second, you should have shut your cousin and her friend down right at the start. Instead of letting all of it build up to the point where your boyfriend had to leave. That was shitty. Personally were I your boyfriend I would have kicked them out when they first started making comments and let them walk the rest of the way.
Overall your cousin and her friend are assholes, but you are also.
ESH. Stay off your damn phone while driving. You were being stupid and selfish doing that
Feeling “unsafe” is trendy. Resolve this annoyance by not hanging out with children who don’t have their shit together. NTA. I hope your next trip with your bf is more enjoyable.
Why on earth would two adults agree to haul around a bunch of whiny teenagers on their vacation?
Lesson learned. Never Again.
ESH. No more trips together.