Hi! I (24F) have been seeing this guy (25M) for a few months now and though we aren’t really in an exclusive relationship, I would say we are both pretty emotionally involved in our connection and eachother’s lives.
I’ve been spending more time with him recently and have come across situations where i can see that he is stressed and in a bad mood because of something unrelated to me and i get like a mental block from it and start thinking that i am making it worse for him. I would really love to support him when he is down and make him feel better, but i dont believe i know how to do so.
My last longterm relationship was a pretty chaotic one and i still have a lot of wounds from that. In that relationship i always felt like whatever i tried to do to make my partner’s mood better or help with their problems i would always make everything worse and at the same time got blamed for not doing enough. So now im self-conscious about my abilities to support people.
I never know what is the best thing to do and then i get into this stillness of not taking any course of action because i dont want to make anything worse.
How can I start fixing this problem of mine and how can i get to a place where im not haunted by this fear of doing something wrong?
TL;DR; : I need help on becoming a better supporter for my partner or people close to me. I feel like old relationship traumas have made me self-conscious and i lack ability to support. Any tips, any advice, i will take it all. thankyou!
Comments
It might be good to just have an open conversation about it with your partner when he is not going through a tough time. Say something like, “I noticed you were upset the other day when X happened. When you’re feeling down like that, is there any way that you would want me to support you or anything I can do to help?”
But when you’re in a relationship, your partner’s going to go through ups and downs, and you often can’t make it better for them. Sometimes all you can do is keep them company or maybe pick up the slack around the house or offer them a distraction. It’s not your job to solve your partner’s problems, giving support often just looks like being there if they want to talk.