For context, I’m 20f and my boyfriend is 26.
We met online and started talking, the thing is– everything moved so fast within a day of meeting.
It’s been 3 days, and all of a sudden we’re planning on me moving out of state to be with him so we can get married and start a family.
I do not want a family, nor do I want kids. I don’t even think I want to even be in a relationship right now at all. However, it is completely my fault, because the first night we were talking, I thought I was really committed because, 1.) I was very excited and spoke impulsively. 2.) Thought that I was ready for a lifelong commitment.
I did tell him that I was in love with him, and for a moment I really meant it. But for the past 2 days, it’s been crashing down on me really bad. Yesterday I was telling I was feeling doubts, and maybe I wasn’t as ready as I thought.
But when I told him this, he got reeeaally upset. Told me that he knew this was gonna happen, he knew I was gonna change my mind, I should’ve been upfront at the start. I told him I still wanted to be with him but the whole marriage thing was too much for me. He basically went on this whole rant on how this always happens to him, and that I hurt him and led him on.
So, purely out of people pleasing, I told him that maybe I had just overthought everything and I’d be okay.
I’m scared. I don’t want to leave my family. I don’t want to get pregnant. I don’t want to move to TEXAS!!!! I DONT EVEN LIKE TEXAS SHSVAJEGWKAGWKGEKWAAAAAH. (no offense.)
One hand, I’m like maybe it’ll be fine. There’s nothing left for me to do in my small town, nothing left to accomplish. Maybe it’s time for me to grow up and start a family, move on with my life.
On the other hand I just feel like I’m not ready but I can’t express that without causing problems. I stressed to him multiple times that I wanted a relationship with him, just not marriage (AT LEAST NOT RIGHT NOW.) and he took it as, “Oh you just wanna mess around and get everything out of your system before you commit.”
Which yeah, DUH. Anyways… what do yall think. Bc I can’t talk to anyone outside about this, I need unbiased opinions.
Comments
Seek therapy for your people pleasing.
You need to summon the courage to tell him the truth. Absolutely do not get married to this person and move to a new state.
what the hell are you doing back out of this speak to your parents please and be honest with him your stringing him along and this will only end in tears or worse
Girl no. End things with him right away and look at school or career or any kind of opportunities outside your home town. You’re so young possibilities are endless
By the way the tittle of this post is 🙄 eye roll…. no you’re not getting married.
3 days is insane. You telling him you have doubts should be met with “yeah, we’re crazy,” not him spiraling and becoming abusive. Get out while all you have to do is hit a few buttons on the computer to block him.
It’s common rn for people to move at warp speed thru relationships but, to be a little blunt, this is by far the worst I’ve ever seen (including here and irl). Are you saying it’s been THREE days?
Instead of talking about FB statuses, take a step back and re-read what you said. There’s not one thing happening here you want, yet you don’t know what to do? This should scare you.
Blow it up, block him and then get some therapy. You have the power to fix all this and make much better choices, but you need to know where you went wrong. At 20, you have a lot of options.