i know a lot of men don’t like to discuss their mental health, whether because they aren’t comfortable with it or due to shame. i know a lot of men feel alone, like they have no one.
i want to be better to the men in my life, whether it’s friends, family members, or even coworkers (without overstepping in any of these cases). i try to be as nice as i can be, but to be honest, i am scared of making people uncomfortable. especially in the coworker sense, i never want to overstep. i just want the men in my life to know they’re not alone. i would never want to make my coworkers uncomfortable, but i have grown to care about a few of them since we talk about life outside of work. i have a lot of male coworkers.
does anyone have any tips? i tell my male friends that i appreciate them. i remember little things about them. i tell them i love them, and they know i’m always here for them, but i feel like i could be doing more. i try not to force them to talk about their feelings, since i know not everyone is comfortable with it.
i know every man is different, but if anyone has any ideas, please share them with me, but also for the other people reading this post.
and if you ever need to talk, you can always shoot me a message.
Comments
Show appreciation where appreciation is due
It means ALOT
Let them know you are there to talk if need be. That’s all you can do. As a man who is 36 and has been completely self sufficient most of my life, I don’t talk to people about my problems because im not here to bother people with the issues I have going on in my life. Talking about things doesn’t make them better. And everyone has their own problems to deal with. Such is the life of a man.
Compliment them. And not in the social protocol kind of way where it sounds like white noise you make during pleasantries but genuine compliments that show you’re paying them attention. If it’s about something they feel an accomplishment over then sharing in that will make them feel recognized and thus feel even better. This is the safest and most catch-all thing I can offer for every given setting.
>does anyone have any tips? i tell my male friends that i appreciate them. i remember little things about them. i tell them i love them, and they know i’m always here for them, but i feel like i could be doing more. i try not to force them to talk about their feelings, since i know not everyone is comfortable with it.
Frankly, that more than most people do already. Hell, just asking this post question is more than a lot of people would do. It shows effort, interest, and positive attention. All things you should hold on to with this.
Most men are conditioned from a young age not to burden others, which includes not sharing their troubles with others.
On top of that, many men learn the hard way that if they do ever share what is going on with them mentally, the consequences can be negative. They can be punished, especially by women, for opening up. What they share can be used against them, or can result in women seeing them as lesser men or less attractive men.
The best thing you can do is show that you are a person who does not use what people tell you against them, or share things people have told you in confidence. The thing is, it can take men many years to be comfortable opening up to someone.
Our kryptonite is appreciation. Any form of it melts our hearts. We just need to know that what we do for others is seen and appreciated.
A simple “thank you for doing xxxx” can go a very long way!
Another thing you can do is give (genuine) compliments. Most men have never received one, or not for a very long time. It has been nearly 20 years (I still think of this!) since I received a compliment from someone who was not my partner. Giving a man a compliment could make his day, and will give him something positive to think about (for years!).
Treat them how you want to be treated.
Whilst there are differences, we largely have the same needs (just sometimes different approaches).
Despite the fact you may have your own issues that very well could be worse than what is hurting/bothering him. Does not mean his issues are less valid. Just listen and don’t downplay it.
People are more willing to understand other people’s perspectives when there own isn’t being invalidated.
Others can chime in if it’s common or not, but I find regular check-ins (eg “is everything okay”, “how are YOU doing”, “I’m here if you want”) can be detrimental in abundance. I know it’s coming from a well-meaning place, but too much makes me feel like I’m exuding negativity and being a burden on others.
You know the best thing you can do. Is compliment a man. Not anything excessive. But small innocuous things. You’ll make his day the absolute best.
But there is a fine line between compliments and flirting. So make sure you are doing the one you want.
Make them feel safe enough to be emotional and vulnerable around you. (Also, more compliments!)
Yea no. Men have already agreed to never show emotions towards women. Y’all weaponize EVERYTHING! So just know when the men in your life don’t let you in. That’s why, they’re just protecting themselves.
“i try not to force them to talk about their feelings, since i know not everyone is comfortable with it.”
Every time I have been open and honest with a woman regarding my mental health I have been punished for it by it being used against me in some way. I would suggest that you DO NOT ask men about how they are and press for an honest answer. I honestly believe that women can not help themselves regarding using this knowledge as a weapon.
So please, just leave us alone with our problems.
We will be fine, don´t worry about that.
Appreciation and compliments on the littlest things, that is really all you need to do.
The bar to be good to men is really low, we just want to be shown that others care and appreciate what we do.
Well, make good jokes.
Honestly? Just shutup and listen sometimes. I notice that alot of people try to relate to male trauma/issues by saying they went through the same thing or claiming that their situation is somehow worst. And I know that the person means well but it comes off as “one-upping” the other person.
E.g. Sam will say ” Oh I tore my shoulder and it fucking sucks”
Sally will say “Oh I remember when I broke my wrist, it hurted alot” Then she will go on a rant explaining how it went. Next thing you know there is 10 minutes of conversation regarding her injury and what Sam said is basically forgotten.
It’s not the genuine women that are responsible for the woman-factor in men’s health today.
So, just stay genuine. Thank you.
Little attention, like cooking or a hug, we remember them for years
Don’t ask him to talk about his problems unless you have solutions. Just talking doesn’t help.
It sounds like you’re doing everything you can. What a kind question to ask!
Don’t blow off men’s only issues. The male ego is real. It’s not something at which to scoff.
Testosterone is real and is the main cause of most aggressive male behavior. That’s not an excuse for being criminal or even a jerk but it’s still important to understand.
Figure out what appreciation actually looks like to those men. Do that (within reason.) For me, from work colleagues, it’s a combination of words and acts of kindness. Ome without the other is usually either meaningless or confusing because I don’t know the intention behind it. If you’re not on the same wavelength as them then it doesn’t get the message across. It’d be like if your boyfriend brought you flowers to cheer you up when what you really wanted was a nice meal and a hug. Or when someone wants space but a person keeps prying and offering advice. The intention is good, but it’s the wrong sort of communication, so the results aren’t. You gotta figure out what says “I appreciate you” to these men in a manner appropriate to the relationship (within reason.)