Okay posting from burner account because i’m genuinely embarrassed to post this lol. I am 27 f dating 42 m (this isn’t about age gap so plz don’t focus on that lol this has been in all my relationships) and wondering when my jealousy will end or what i can do to soothe myself. i am constantly thinking that he thinks every other woman is attractive and my mind wanders with thinking he’s comparing me to people. he is very vocal about his attraction to me and (not to be conceited) but i know i am very pretty and have a nice body, great style, big heart, and unique look. i just can’t stop thinking that im gonna have to live my whole life with him looking at other girls naturally and thinking they’re attractive or whatever. i get worried about what he’s thinking. i know i cant control him and do not want to but genuinely want to break the shackles of insecurities lol. i do not bring it up to him because want to remain confident appearing but it is really hard and affects me making friends, going out in public, and how i feel about myself. i have general anxiety and known to have obsessive thoughts due to bipolar disorder and just feel bad about myself and wish i could shake the insecurity. when we started dating he was following a bunch of girls on IG that are nothing like me but he unfollowed them and is very loyal to me. idc about porn or masturbating it’s more so when we are out in public or if i see a pic of a girl and think “he would find her so hot” or “he would think she’s prettier/ hotter/ etc than me”. Any tips for rewiring these thoughts, please not looking for any harsh criticism lol
Sincerely asking how to stop being jealous
r/Advice
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You’re not alone jealousy like this often stems from deep insecurity, not a lack of love. The fact that you’re self-aware and want to work on it is huge. Try shifting the focus back to yourself: build up your self-worth with affirmations, therapy especially CBT, and by challenging each negative thought. He chose you, and that matters more than anyone you pass on the street.
Have you considered therapy?
Just try not to think things like that. You’re overthinking
Live in the moment/present. Sounds like you two are going great
I completely hear and understand you, and can also relate. What helps is realizing being confident has little to do with acting or appearing so [in the long term since the latter is temporary] so I’d advise try a bunch of things and go the trial and error route till you finds what works: definitely writing confirmation statements works (“I am beautiful”, “I am confident”, I have no reason to be jealous” on a regular basis for a while etc – YouTube has great resources on that) and if you feel he is that quality, loyal guy you have a spot-on way of relating to and you’ve no reason therefore to feel insecure about, maybe find a subtle, non-direct way to talk to him that will result in validation and more confidence for you. Let me know how it works!
Remember, comparing is the thief of joy. Focus on the love you share, not the attention others might or might not receive. You are more than enough!
“i just can’t stop thinking that im gonna have to live my whole life with him looking at other girls naturally and thinking they’re attractive or whatever.”
Do you not look at men and think they’re attractive?
If you feel jealous it means you are not having something or someone who has it already , Just think you deserve the best and what is yours is always the best.
This brings us to conclusion that what you dont have is not the best , so you are free now.
You will find a way for it, you got it
Respectfully, but you’re trying too hard, overthinking too much and it may be tied into the bipolar aspect. Can you dampen that down with medication? Therapy? Good idea too to bounce all this stuff with a pro. Additionally, all guys look, but you fall in love with the person…the inside…the mannerisms…how they push their hair in place with the back of a hand or say gosh when angry at something….fix that bipolarity though 💕
You are deeply sick and not ready to sustain a healthy relationship. At least you are aware that you have a severe problem managing your emotions. Seek help, therapy, or resources to help you mature emotionally so that you are finally able to be in a functional relationship.
You can list all the reasons he would be with you but don’t at all think you are special to him because you are together?
I know you said not to focus on age but is there any reason why he is with you and not someone in their thirties or early forties? The reality is he may trade you in for a newer model like Leonardo DiCaprio. Just being real.