22(F) Struggling w/ sexual intimacy with boyfriend 21(M)

Recently, I’ve been having trouble with physical intimacy with my boyfriend. The last couple of weeks have been tough for me since I started Medical School. My job is giving me a hard time adjusting to my school schedule, so I’ve just been picking up whatever hours I can get. On top of that, I have so many bills to pay.

In the past, I have expressed my concern about my boyfriend’s lack of effort and his laziness. When I am around, he does not plan dates, we do not have meaningful conversations, and our time together is not utilized. Prior to the intimacy problem, these issues already existed.

He has mentioned to me that he feels I have become less intimate with him over time. Since I’ve been dealing with so many things, I can’t bring myself to do anything sexually for him.

I feel bad for making him wait on me or feel rejected by me as a 22 year old grown woman (a virgin at that). He is still very much a part of my heart. I shouldn’t make my partner feel rejected by ignoring his needs because of stress. However, when I’m burned out, I just turn off completely. He doesn’t understand how stress can turn someone off, even though I have discussed it with him. However, he calls this bullshit and thinks I am no longer attracted to him. Due to his lack of effort to connect with me before the intimacy problem, I felt that he wasn’t as attracted to me anymore. We also had a similar conversation before the intimacy problem) He claims that having sex could make our bond stronger and resolve a lot of issues. My mind just wasn’t in the right place for that yet. Neither my body nor my mind feel relaxed or ready for sex.

On the other hand, my boyfriend isn’t as busy as I am. He no longer attends college. After work, he has a lot of free time. A lot of his time is spent playing games and hanging out with friends. He makes plans with his friends much more efficiently than he does with me. (This was before I entered into Medical school and had free time as well.) My boyfriend and I would watch TV or watch funny videos together. He always says he doesn’t have the money to take me out, but I have suggested that it doesn’t have to be expensive. No effort has been made to plan anything between us, whether it is a picnic, a walk in the park, cooking together at home, etc. Since our relationship began, it was always me who planned, but now due to my busy schedule, he doesn’t want to plan anything. He has also mentioned our time together is very limited due to my work and school schedule. There will be a limited amount of time, but I have afterwork and a weekday off. No matter how little time we have together, it’s better than nothing.

When we do have time together, he wants to do something sexual, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m there to jerk him/suck him off while he puts no effort into the relationship. I don’t get relieved by doing sexual things, it’s just not my thing. My body feels gross and burnt out, and I want to feel safe and confident while pleasing him. It is not something I want to do under pressure. Although I am a grown woman, he doesn’t help me through it (I’m not saying it’s his responsibility), but he sticks at home, plays games, and doesn’t even try to find new hobbies.

*TL;DR:
I want to become more sexually intimate with my partner, I want to be able to please him and meet his needs. Because he is a man, I know he needs sex and sexual intimacy. Sexually intimacy works for him when he’s stressed but it doesn’t work for me. Unfortunately, I don’t know how to resolve this issue or how to improve it. The level of my libido was almost equal to his at the beginning of our relationship, but with everything else in life that I have to deal with, it plummeted, and I want to regain it.

It feels like I’m failing my relationship. To him, it must feel like punishment, and I feel so bad that my stress interferes with pleasing him. I can’t even give him what he wants, when he want because of how burned out I am after work and school.