Do I end the friendship after this latest rejection? Put it on pause?

End the friendship?

We’ve been friends since high school, over 15 years now, and we’re both 28. I asked her out a few years ago and she said she doesn’t see me that way. It sucked but I moved on and maintained the friendship. Two years after that on new years, she jumped me for a hookup after everyone went to sleep, it was supposed to be nothing serious but I couldn’t really stop myself from feeling that way especially after I had already expressed my feelings. I even had the thought in my head when she asked me if it was okay that “you have a lot of issues with intimacy and relationships and if this doesn’t go your way, you ll be incredibly depressed” and still did it anyway. We couldn’t even have sex because neither of us had a condom so we fooled around and cuddled for a few hours and in the she freaked out on me and basically begged me over and over not to tell anyone that we did that because she has extreme issues with intimacy and how she people will perceive her if they know she has had sex. It’s not a cultural issue just her parents and father especially messed her up. I sort of understand her justification but i think if this happened to anyone else they’d feel the same way I do where they’re really hurt and rejected by that. The ending of that situation was me agreeing not to tell anyone and it was a one time thing.

After that incident, we did a weekend trip about 2 weeks where we were only two people in the group that knew each other well and we got left alone in the airbnb together. She started cuddling with me and it made me incredibly uncomfortable because it filled me a lot of doubts. Part of me was thinking she wanted me now but obviously that’s not true and I couldn’t separate that. Eventually, she got tired and went to bed but i was just downstairs freaking out about that. So i made an excuse to go upstairs and asked her what the hell that was but i botched it and made the situation uncomfortable. It wasn’t too awkward the next day but we promised to talk about what happened the previous night. Then we rode home together six hours, sharing really personal stories and bonding but not talking about what happened the next night.

She went away to school and we only talked sparingly the next months until the summer when grad school ended and she came back into my life, making a ton of plans, concerts, beach trips, etc. I had been feeling really affected by the rejection on new years so I had been working on myself all that time and going on dates and trying to tackle my intimacy issues but it wasnt working out that well, a lot of dates but no good matches, a 1 month doomed from the start relationship, and a few rejections. So I was in a shitty place mentally regarding relationships and she calls me up and makes a kind of cruel joke about how i didn’t pick up right away that time but usually the dynamic is reversed so that was rude of me. Obviously a joke but still kind of taking me for granted. She also asks me if its okay if i give her advice in a guy she might want to date which i say no im not going to do that, it feels like crossing a line. After that interaction ive been furious the last week or so, just feeling rejected, taken for granted, disappointed in myself for engaging in that when i knew it wouldnt be good for me. I dont really know how to proceed, how to regain some dignity, and set up boundaries. Do I even keep the friendship at all when it causes me to suffer so much?

Tl;dr: feeling used and rejected by a long time friend. Dont know how to move forward