So I’m a 20 years old girl, I live with my mom (42), dad (same age) and my little brother. (8) My mom always have been kinda manipulating, my mood and peace always depended on her opinion, but I love her, she took good care of me and my sibling.
She once cheated on my dad when I was 7-8 years old. I found it out by looking at her phone (you know the little dumb phones) and seeing a message, can’t really remember the exact words but it was something like: …”than he fucked me”. At that time, she was doing her degree and needed to go to the town of the university for 3-4 days a week…ofc I realized later ot wasn’t just about the university. She always argued with my dad about divorcing, taking me to the universitys town, I always listened to this and I was scared of moving away. But my Dad was a reallllly good dad, I loved being with him, he did everything he could for me. Than my brother was born when I was twelve. My mom was (and still is) very caring for him, kinda too much, worried about his wellbeing abnormally. My mom and dad fought a lot about his raising.
But things went kinda well until now. 3 months ago, she started acting weird. You have to know that she always been addicted to cleaning, and keeping the house tidy, too much. Than she just stopped, she started using her phone very much (making calls, texting), came home later than usual from work bc of phone calls and she started smoking (she didnt tell or show us, we felt the smell). And the most important part, she started going to an other town that is like 3 hours away, just for “continuation course”. She works in health care. At first I believed her, but was weird cus she stopped calling me when I was in my universitys town, she havent really cared about me. Me and my father started to think she found a new man in the new city. She also made a pin lock to her phone, she never ever did it before. She started wearing colorful contact lenses, going to the gym, buying a lot of clothes.
Last week we went for a holiday together. She literally was texting all day…like we were walking and had to wait for her every 5 minutes cus she was so slow by being on the phone. Dissapeard at nights making phone calls. Okay, I argued about it a bit with her, it was pissing me of like who can she talk to that much if it’s not a man?!?! I have really good girl friends but I do jot talk to them 24/7.
On the way back home (really long way), I sat in the back of the car, she sat in the front. I saw her texting again. I know that it’s not okay but I was so pissed, I made a photo with my phone of her chat. I saw texts like that from the man (or idek anymore, she made a nickname to him/her, like a really unusual female name): i cant wait to see you, im impatient, i want to eat your… and things like that. I was so pissed, I confronted her and she went histerycal. She did a 180° in her seat and tried to grab my phone. She ripped my tshirt, yelled at me (i yelled too cus i couldnt hold it, i was so angry and dissapointed), told me she has her own life, if I dont delete it she wont pay for my therapyst, she is done with me etc. Than I deleted it but its still in the “trash” function. She tried gashlighting us, my dad and me, she said its all bc of my dad cus I dont even know what he is like, and she will divorce and take my brother with her, her soul is in peace cus she knows she havent done anything bad etc. For 3 hours we didn’t talk to each other, and than she tried to hold my hand, said she loved me etc, I said nothing.
We got home, we had to be in hurry cus as soon as we got home, she wanted to go to the town I talked about before in the post. We arrived home, I know I did something again that is not okay but I looked at her phone (i figured out the pin) and saw even more sexual texts like peach, padlisan etc emojis, him saying come😜 and i love fresh p*ssy. I confronted her again and she went histerycal again. She started creating a story about it being a prank of someones bf and they are trying to dive him. She told me I ruin everything and they will divorce with my dad bc of me, its not what it seems, she can explain. I told her than show me every text and tell me who the fuck are those people, why she brings there sxy linens, and a dildo etc. She said she will later, give her time etc. She literally gashlighted me, makes me feel like im the dumb one.
Than she sat in her car and drove to the town. She tried calling me but I didnt pick up. Than she called me dad and told him and my brother that she don’t know whats wrong with me but I changed. She just made me the evil one.
Than this morning she called me but I handed it to my brother to talk to her. She said she is sorry that I ruined (like yes, me!!!!) the holiday and she doesnt know why am i like this, and asked my brother if i stopped yelling and am i in peace now?!? Than told him she wants to talk to me, pick up to her. She tried calling me 5x times today but no, I wont pick up. She wont even come home til next weekend, Im so done with her.
And the worst part is that I lived through this one when I was just in my brothers age. And I feel so sorry for him. I’m not sure thats the main reason but I have attachment issues, low self esteem. And I’m afraid it will effect my brother in a wrong way too, I know she loves him but being away 4-6 days a week, and when she comes home she just goes to work and/or rotting in the bedroom making phone calls, dissapearing at nights in the streets, but still telling my brother she loves him and they will do this and that (fun activities, than they never do it).
Please help what should I do. I know that its my parents businnes but I feel sorry for my little brother. Also I was broken up with 2 months ago so its making it worse. Im just so tired.
TL;DR: I think my mom is cheating on my dad again and she is gashlighting us.