Hi so I’m F18 and my bf is M19. He is currently in the military and he just got to his duty station which is overseas. I’m currently in college trying to get my bachelor’s degree and I’m going into my sophomore year. To give some context on me and my boyfriends relationship, we have been dating for about 4 months, and the thing I struggle with most in our relationship is the distance. We don’t have many issues and when we do, we can communicate and move past it. However, my struggle with our relationship really hits me deep as I struggle with depression and anxiety (hes aware of this) and I don’t know how to cope with only seeing him 1-2 times a year for the next 3 years. I have thought about ending the relationship because when I really sit down and think about the fact I don’t really get to see him in the upcoming years, it really makes me upset. But ultimately I know in the long run I want to be with him because I truly love him and I know in the end overcoming the long distance will be worth. Would love some advice on what I can do in the meantime possibly or how to even cope.
tldr: I’m struggling with my military boyfriend being overseas and me being in the states and I don’t know how to cope.
Comments
While you might not see him in person that often, how often can you have a video chat, or a phone call? How often can you send texts or e-mails? What about regular paper mail?
It is possible to maintain a connection — people did this a century ago, after all — things just operate more slowly that way.
The bigger challenge for you may be the depression and anxiety. Do you have a local therapist you see to talk about that? if you’ve been relying on your boyfriend for talk on such stuff, especially for in-the-moment situations when it flares up, you need to find an alternative; a professional therapist would be a good choice. In general, it is a mistake to expect your significant other to be your everything. It is OK to have friends, or a therapist, other people who can provide you support in one way or another.
If you won’t be happy with infrequent in-person visits, you should talk with him about what his career would be like. You mention that he’s in the military, but the nature of his job is important. If he were in the Navy, for instance, he might be deployed for several months at a time for a big part of his career. Maybe this absence rate is only an issue for the next three years.