My boyfriend, Jack, (25m) and I (23f) have a one year old son together. He was unplanned.
After having him I was on birth control. I ended up getting pregnant while on birth control and had very mixed feelings about it. My boyfriend was pretty happy to give our son a sibling. I on the other hand was scared, our relationship is far from perfect. We split right after having our first child because jack was cheating on me while I was pregnant and for a couple months after our son was born. I found out and left. Time went by and I decided to try and work it out with him… so anyways, I was scared. I already took an unpaid leave at work and I know it wouldn’t go well if I took another (I am the only one at work who can work my position because I got promoted after coming back from leave) I absolutely love my job and I don’t want to sacrifice it. but at happy at the same time because my son would have a sibling. I then stopped taking the birth control because I found out I was pregnant again. When I was about 2 1/2 months pregnant with my 2nd, I miscarried. I was a little upset , I’m not sure why it just hit me but I was also relieved because I do not want another child, at least not right now. After we found out I miscarried jack told me to not get back on birth control because “it’s bad for your body and bad for your health” now I have this overwhelming feeling eveytime my period is a day late that I’m pregnant. It’s too much for me, I don’t like the anxiety of it.
I told jack id like him to use condoms when we have sex because I don’t like this feeling I get every month. He told me “no, I don’t want to” I got upset. I feel like it’s not a lot to ask of him. He’s upset that I don’t understand why he’s upset by this request. I told him then I’m going to get back on birth control, he told me no because it’s not healthy. I then told him “I’m not sure why you care about my health now when you was sleeping with me while I was PREGNANT and other people” he didn’t say much to that. I then told him it’s either condoms or no sex at all. I’m having a very unsettling feeling because as much as I hate to admit it, I could see him stepping out of our relationship again because of this.
Am I tah for wanting to use condoms to prevent an unwanted pregnancy?
AITAH for wanting my boyfriend to use condoms?
r/AITAH
Comments
NTA. Ditch this loser.
NTA, but this creep you’re with obviously has no respect for you. He cheated on you while pregnant and now wants another kid? He should be thrown in the dumpster!
So, the issue shouldn’t be about him using condoms, but about you breaking free from this loser.
NTA. He cheated. Leave him. He’s going to step out again, but you might end up with an STD next time. It’s not worth the risk
This reads like fake to me however if it’s real why would you even get back with a cheater?
Why are you with this asshole? He cheated on you while you were pregnant and now he’s not only refusing to use condoms but he’s telling you you can’t take birth control??
Stop having kids with this loser, he has absolutely no respect for you. The worst thing you could’ve done is take him back after he cheated because now he knows you have so little self respect you will tolerate that behavior. He’ll absolutely do it again because you already let him do it before. Get rid of him and work on your self esteem.
NTA he shouldnt be called boyfriend
NTA.
For your own safety (and peace of mind), you may want to consider an IUD. They last up to 8 years now and are 99.9% effective. Insertion is a doozy, but IMHO: totally worthwhile.
Also, dump this loser. You can’t do anything about having had one kid with him, but if he cares so little for you, your health, and well being, then he can go kick rocks.
It’s not a good idea to create a human being “to give sibling to your child”. If you want a child, want it for itself. Your partner is the AH.
This has to be fake because I can’t fathom how you could think for even a sec that you would be an ah for wanting this, but if it’s real please break up with this waste of space you’re living with
NTA you’re really right to demand condoms if you don’t want another pregnancy, especially after what he’s done, it’s crazy he’d even suggest otherwise
NTA. You’re allowed to set boundaries with your body. Condoms aren’t a big ask and his refusal is a huge red flag
Girl pleaseeeee leave him. You can find better i promise😭
Protect yourself if he won’t protect you. There are other birth control options, consult your doctor. You don’t trust him and you shouldn’t, do you really want to live this way? NTA – time for some soul searching
NTA. Please leave him.
100% NTA my husband and I are both 24 I’m on birth control AND we use condoms because we aren’t ready to have children and my sister got pregnant on just birth control.
If you don’t want to get pregnant, you should be using TWO forms of birth control. Thats both the pill AND condoms. NTA, obviously.
Jmfc dump this misogynistic piece of shit ASAP and fight him for custody yesterday. You don’t have to accept his abuse, he’s a piece of shit and he will never change! Get help!
NTA also I’m getting the suspicion he may have tampered with your birth control
NTA; is there any chance he sabotaged your birth control the first time (relatively easy to do if you’re on the pill)? He seems like a complete POS who would baby trap you to force you to stay, from the little you’ve shared. Please take care of yourself and your child, in my opinion ditching the man-child you call a bf would be your best option.
NTA. Ditch him, though, and get STD tested.
NTA. Did you make him get an std test after the first cheating incident / time you were apart? And get one yourself?
Cos if he won’t use condoms with you I doubt he used them with others. My sister was almost born blind from the chlamydia my dad claimed my mum “must have gotten from a toilet seat” before her gyno chewed him out and made him take meds. Don’t make that mistake my dove.
He also clearly wants you to be pregnant when you don’t want to be, which is reason enough to leave especially as I doubt you can trust him not to tamper with your birth control. You and your first child deserve better.
So you’re just going to let this guy dictate your life and make all of your choices for you? He better make a fucking fortune and pay for everything then
Plus he cheated. To the curb with him, and take him to fucking child support court
Stop doing this to yourself!! You’re acting like you’re a leaf in a river, unable to control where you go. Why are you even still with this guy? He cheated on you when you were pregnant. He has zero respect for you. In my eyes, that means he does not deserve you.
At the very least, please immediately get back on birth control. Who cares what he thinks about it? It’s YOUR body. Your medical care. It is your decision. His opinion is irrelevant. Seriously—please stop letting yourself be pushed around like this!
And if you do stay (which you should not do), and he won’t wear a condom, here’s a novel idea: don’t fuck him.
You have to love yourself more than this. You can do it!
he’s trying to get you pregnant again… don’t compromise on this one, you deserve better than what he’s giving you!
NTA, but get an IUD. They were life changing for me. No period? Hell yeah!
PLUS make him use condoms unless he’s willing to get a monthly STI check.
He’s probably still cheating.
NTA but girl he 100% got you pregnant on purpose, unless the birth control were one of those long-term you put in arm etc then it’s likely he did on purpose.
you’re free to want to use the protection of your choice. he’s free to decline and go somewhere else. very simple equation.
He doesn’t sound trustworthy at all with regards to birth control. He sounds like someone who would “stealth” you by removing it halfway through. Also when used alone, even doing everything right they aren’t the most reliable. They need to be doubled up with something like spermicide or the pill. You could just get back on the pill, he obviously doesn’t care about your health if he’ll cheat on you while you’re pregnant. But if you do rely on him I predict that you’ll get pregnant again within a few months. And if you live in the US, you might not have any options since this country is trying to devolve backwards in time. Hospitals in some places will literally let a woman having a miscarriage bleed out before they will do a D&C because they don’t want to get prosecuted under these draconian, inhuman laws. This is no time to get pregnant here! This may not apply if you live somewhere else but the rest of my point still stands
u/bot-sleuth-bot
NTA and you need to leave Jack. He is a cheating manipulative AH. Why the F are you staying you deserve better. Someone who resects you and doesn’t cheat
At this point, you unfortunately cant really trust where he says he hasn’t been. NTA. You absolutely need to protect yourself!!
And at the SAME time… you probably shouldnt be f*cking him anyways.. you deserve better and he doesnt deserve coochie.
✨️YOU & YOUR COOCHIE DESERVE BETTER✨️
Stay away from this man and his pen1s for good.
It does not sound to me as though this relationship will last anyway. He is not trustworthy and will cheat again. Please leave. Speak to your doc or go to a family planning clinic for more trustworthy birthcontrol while you get yourself so far to leave him
I just want you to know that this isn’t how a relationship should be. You shouldn’t be afraid of your significant other stepping out of the relationship. There shouldn’t be cheating. There should be respect in these discussions
This guy is controlling and this will get bad. NTA. There’s so many red flags, please leave this weirdo.
I’m 50m father of two grown adults! If you were my daughter this guys would be fearing for his life and you would be home with your kid getting loved and cared for! I get he’s the dad of your child. BUT that is not an excuse to stay in a relationship where you don’t feel seen. safe and heard! Having to worry your partner will cheat on you, because you don’t want to have sex with him is NOT OK! ITS RIDICULOUS!!!! You deserve someone who say the mother of my child deserves to feel loved and cared, for so if I need to wear a condom I’ll do it. If your bf was a real man, he’d man up, devote himself to you and his child in front of his maker; marry you and then bust his ass to make sure you needed nothing!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LEAVE and go to someone who can give you the care and support you need right now YOU DONT HAVE TO STAY!
dont even gotta read. if you want him to wear a condom, then he should. him not wearing the condom means he doesnt respect you or your body
Jack sounds like an absolute garbage dump of a human, zero consideration for what you’ve been through or want. Please don’t stay with him for the “sake of your child”.
The Poors never disappoint! The dramatic tension. will the unexceptional man agree? Will he not? I wish I could know how it ends!
You are right to stand your ground because your body and peace of mind matter. If he refuses condoms and birth control he is showing control not love.
NTA. You keep compiling the same mistake. That’s a you decision. Stop being such a fool for this man. He’ll have you knocked up, jobless, hopeless, fighting back chronic chlamydia. Then he’ll cheat easier and more obviously, because what are you going to do? You already gave up all your power.
NTA, your boyfriend is. No one is ever TA for wanting their boyfriend to wear a condom. However, even if he does wear a condom, will you trust him not to make holes in them, or pull them off last minute? It sounds like this guy really wants to impregnate you against your wishes. If you do stay with him, I think you should go back on birth control whether or not he is using condoms, but I’m really hoping you’ll dump the AH.
Sorry, I’m not going to read the whole thing because your title is all anyone needs.
You are ever the asshole for required certain protective measures when being sexually active. You do not need to explain why, unless you have an STD, then you need to tell them, but no you are NTA for wanting condoms used on your body. Tell your boyfriend to be a man and wrap it up.
Yes, ditch him, but also have your tubes tied for future relationships.
NTA. Why are you listening to this rubbish that birth control is bad for your health? Why are you tolerating his cheating? Do better for yourself and your son and leave.
Loser needs to get lost. You’re not tah. Do what is best for you. If this cheating pain in the backside doesn’t like it…he can leave for good and start sending child support.
Ohgod I don’t even want to read further after him being thrilled at you being pregnant and then telling you to stop using birth control, AND him cheating.
NTA but why in the world are you not running like the damn roadrunner and get away from him as far and wide as possible. He alreay babytrapped you, cheated on you and now actively tries again for round 2…. Just run.
NTA. If he’s cheated before and you’re worried he’d do it again why are you with him?
I’d say condoms are a must to protect you from STDs as well as pregnancy.
If you’re not leaving this utter jerk and fool, then I’d do one of two things.
1 – get an IUD, once it’s in you’re good for years.
2 – start on Depo-Provera – one shot every 3 months.
You are NTA for wanting him to use condoms, but honestly, I feel pretty confident that this clown would stealth you.
But I highly recommend that you DTMFA.
Why are you with this boy?
NTA
I’d be very careful about trusting him with condoms if he agrees to wear them. It sounds like he wants another kid, and doesn’t care that you don’t. Any birth control that you aren’t responsible for could be tampered with. Why does he get a say in what you put in your body? Your bodily autonomy is important and it’s a HUGE red flag that he doesn’t respect it.
Babies having babies
NTA, why are you reconnecting with him, you have no self respect . He didn’t have respect for you the first time, now that you are going back to him(he’s not even begging for you or asking to work it out) what makes you think he will have even an ounce of respect.
Why are you asking this man permission to do anything? He is an immature loser who has proven to you he can not be trusted. News flash: he will cheat regardless. If your current birth control is not working, get an IUD. It’s the most assured birth control to have.
Your son does not need another sibling who has a deadbeat father. He needs a mother who has a stable job and self-respect.
Why are you with this person? They clearly don’t care about your health – physical or mental. Ditch the loser and look for a partner who is considerate of you.
You can get some spermicide foam to apply with an applicator.
NTA. Let him/make him leave if he can’t be mature enough to have safe sex. Not only will it help prevent pregnancy, but will help prevent STD’s that he could bring home to you. Get rid of his a$$.
NTA.
Kick his cheating arse to the curb and RUN.
“I don’t wanna” use condoms? Get real, no one knows where his 🍆 has been or what diseases it could give you! And HTF would he know what is healthy for YOU?
Is he the breadwinner of the family? Because If you fear he could step out and cheat then why are you even with him?
Do you really want your entire relationship to be whether or not asking him to do something he doesn’t like, equates to him cheating on you?
How do you have a healthy relationship with that hanging over your head.
NTA you should completely leave him!
Get an IUD this guy sounds like he’d tamper with pills and condoms if you do decide to engage in sex with him. Cheaters don’t often stop cheating.
He’s a selfish, immature AH. You truly do not have to waste any more time on this fool, you deserve better.
He just wants to get you pregnant again so you won’t leave him. Get away from him before he locks you in even more
YTA to yourself for getting back with him. You’d be better off without him. Sounds like he wants you to get pregnant again.
If you have to worry about him cheating then this relationship is already cooked. That’s not a fear that you’re supposed to have. You should be confident in your partner’s loyalty and if you can’t be then you’re wasting your time.
NTA but there’s so much to unpack here. You were pregnant and he was sleeping with multiple people? He said it was bad to get back on birth control because he cares about your health or because he wants you to get pregnant again? The whole thing reeks of “I’m gonna get her pregnant again because I want another one”. I wouldn’t be surprised if he left again after you have a second. He doesn’t seem like a great partner.
NTA so why can he TELL you not to do something related to birth control but when you want him to use condoms suddenly it’s “No i don’t want to”? Not to mention the cheating? Like why does he think he can tell you a damn thing? Just ditch him already and go to court for child support
> I then told him “I’m not sure why you care about my health now when you was sleeping with me while I was PREGNANT and other people” he didn’t say much to that.
And yet here you are back with him. Regardless of his obvious lack of concern for you and your health, you should certainly treat yourself better.
> I could see him stepping out of our relationship again because of this
He’s already cheated on you; what was his excuse last time? Stop fooling yourself: he’ll do it again whether or not you ask for condoms.
NTA for wanting him to wear condoms. Giant asshole to yourself for continuing to date and have sex with this shitty cheating loser.
I will never understand people who choose to stay, or go back to a cheating partner. I can’t even imagine having that little self-respect. You should leave him now. It was a mistake to go back to him after he humiliated you by cheating while you were pregnant with his child. You need to preserve what little dignity you have left, and dump this SOB.
He doesn’t want to use any contraception because he wants to trap you with another pregnancy. Another pregnancy could make your career opportunities unstable, forcing you to rely more heavily on him. I’d run for the hills… this man is not acting in your best interests.
Edit: just to be clear, you’re NTA.
Why in the fuck are you listening to or even considering what this loser wants? And, even more important, why are you seeking his permission? What kind of world did you come from that any of this makes sense to you? Totally fucked up. Ditch him, get custody and child support.
Your boyfriend thinks you are a baby incubator- something he can fuk and make babies with.
He’s also fucking other women and making babies.
He doesn’t give a shit about you or the kids other than as possessions he can own that show what a ‘man’ he is.
He is a loser.
He will not support your child- don’t make another that will have such a shit non dad! The universe gifted you another chance to GET OUT!
Get out!
GET OUT