I’m a 26/F in Atlanta and have been friends with a 27/M since 2021—but we only started exploring a romantic relationship earlier this year. He’s Nigerian (born in Chicago, spent 10+ years in London/Manchester), works as a film director (with a background in social work), and is almost always on shoots or editing—flights, deadlines, the whole whirlwind.
When we do hang out, it’s incredible: thoughtful gestures (flowers, meals), nonstop fun (arcades, Nigerian clubs, weekend getaways), and he always covers my food—even though he rarely eats out himself.
Here’s my snag: back when we were just friends, going days without talking was totally normal. Now that we’re “dating-serious,” I follow Anwar White’s rule—no check-in for three days, I step back. For the past two months, he’s met that window: texts, calls, flowers, and shared schedules.
He’s now talking about flying me out to LA or Texas to visit him on set—but the logistics stay vague. Since he frequently mentions his financial means, I’ve set a three-month window: if he can’t book my flight before then, I’ll revert to a platonic friendship so I can plan my life without waiting indefinitely.
Questions for this community:
• Has anyone dated a globe-trotting creative or someone balancing two careers and seen this “amazing in person vs. MIA otherwise” pattern?
• Is this a cultural/career norm or a red flag in a budding relationship?
• Should I keep investing during my self-imposed three-month trial, or call it if the trip never materializes?
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TL;DR: 26/F dating 27/M Nigerian-London film director who’s generous and fun but goes MIA for days. He’s promised to fly me out within three months or I’ll go back to being just friends. Deal-breaker or reasonable boundary? What would you do?