Do they watch movies, play games, watch tv together? What else? When you choose a partner what should be the criteria that ensure you work it out for all the coming years with your partner?
Men of reddit, apart from getting intimate which obviously would get lesser after few years. What do married people do? What’s the best advice to look for when choosing a partner?
r/AskMen
Comments
they should be your best friend first probably
Well, we talk, we go on fin walks, vacations, spend our days working as a team, go on dates, go out with friends, see family members, and we watch movies and stuff
Married 6 years here.
Yeah, the “spicy times” definitely aren’t daily like in the honeymoon phase but that’s not a bad thing it evolves into something deeper. My wife’s my teammate. That’s how I’d describe marriage at its best.
We cook together, binge weird documentaries, argue about which starter Pokemon is the best (it’s Totodile, fight me) do random home projects, fall asleep while trying to finish a movie, and just… exist in the same space comfortably.
It’s not always exciting. And that’s kind of the point. If you need constant thrills you’re gonna struggle. Marriage is a lot of ordinary days with an extraordinary person.
Most importantly, Don’t marry someone for who they are at their best. Marry someone for who they are at their worst. That’s who you’re living with half the time. Looks fade. Lust slows down. But kindness, patience, shared memes, late night chats about the meaning of life… those things age like wine.
We play Mario Kart together.
We daydream
We have meaningful conversations
We watch tiktok together
We cook together
We talk at least 15 min in bed before sleeping about anything without any distractions
We plan and do holidays
My wife isn’t much of a sports player, so we don’t do that together, but your first line nails a lot of what we do together. We play board games, which is often a good excuse to just chat and catch up after our busy days. We watch TV and movies together. We don’t often read together, but we often discuss together the books we’ve been reading.
Tbh I have no hack or notes or sense of what can/should last anymore. I got divorced from my best friend after a decade together because we just radically grew apart between years 10-12… We tried to hold on to the good parts but just eventually realized we didn’t want to spend time together anymore.
What can work and be perfect for awhile doesn’t mean it should last forever. I wish I/people could have healthier expectations around relationships that end not being a failure but more that they ran their course and that that’s OK.
Not married but engaged – we do the things you mentioned; we watch TV, play board/card/video games, but then plenty of other things. We cook together, go out to restaurants/bars/cafes, we go on city breaks. We talk and gossip. Cinema dates, clothes shopping, hanging out with friends, interior design and DIY for our home.
The most important thing I’d say is to not lose yourself in the relationship. We have things that we both enjoy doing that we specifically don’t do together. She prefers physical activities (gym, sports, running, long scenic cycles) and has some friends where I won’t be invited to hang out; I prefer creative things (art galleries, museums, reading, writing my own stories, music production) and also have friends who I’ll hang out with without her.
We always make sure to carve out time for both our separate and joint activities.
Been together for 19 years and married for 15 years, 4 kids ranging from 3 to 11. Life is busy. She is my partner and my best friend. When shit hits the fan, she’s the shoulder I lean on. We have been together for over half our lives and I couldn’t imagine going through life without her.
Going on 13 years. What do married people do? You either thrive, survive, or divorce.
You have to be compatible in more ways than you think. We just really hit it off and could have been just best friends but we did….other stuff. Ended up in love and married as a result. I think compatibility is something we all think we have with our partners, but it’s not rigid and it can change. How you handle that change is what I think impacts a lot of long term relationships. Her and I have grown a ton together and now we are parents. Everything we do is a partnership/team effort. No one thing is solely our responsibility unless we want it to be or one of us is stronger at it. If you were to remove the physical and romantic parts of your relationship, ask yourself if you’d genuinely be interested in being their friend. If the objective answer isn’t immediately yes, then you have some reflection do to.
Next thing I would say is effort. We get complacent in relationships, I know I’m guilty of it. So effort starts to decrease as we treat long term relationships as a guaranteed outcome. You stop putting in the effort your partner is looking for, then that seems to be the catalyst for a lot of divorces. It spider webs into a variety of outcomes that ultimately end the relationship. Make an effort to better your relationship. Go out of your way to do so. Be spontaneous about it and I’m willing to bet you’ll be glad you did. Doesn’t even have to be big things.
TL, DR: Prioritize compatibility and always put in effort to stay compatible.
Make sure you travel well together. 2 weeks on the road cross country or overseas will tell you alot about how someone handles various types od stress, unfamiliar cultures, money, people in general.
For the majority of days for the last 14 years we’ve spent our nights together just hanging out together doing normal stuff (talking, movies, music, etc) when we’re not out doing something.
And it never gets boring when youre with the right one. I spent like 6 hours hanging out with her last night, just talking and listening to music over a few beers, and im getting excited that she’ll be home from work soon so we can do it again.
Your sex life doesn’t have to lessen after a few years. Mine is better than ever after 25 years.
You need to be aligned on the big stuff. Do you want children? Are careers important to you? Do you want to move abroad at some point? How important is saving money to you versus spending? What will you do when parents get older and need care? What are their religious views? Political views? You need to figure out what are deal breakers and what you can live with. Its why I think you have to know yourself before you can get married. People change or realise they’re someone else than who they thought they were, and it leads to issues down the line.
been with my wife almost 10 yeras, married for 6 of those. she is my best friend, i do everything with her, or atleast i tell her everything. we haven’t had many intimate moments in a while (weve been borderline homeless since the start of the year) . that being said, something that i think will help any kind of relationship is hte love languages book. If you’re interested in someone, its neat to find out what they are interested in romanticly.
to answer you’re questions now, We spend the emajority of our evenings watching tv, or playing video games together, at the start of the summer, we would take morning walks, and now we do evening walks. we started playing obscure board games as well. I had gotten her into Magic the gathering, but then i ended up beating her too many times.
When i started dating my wife, i was 20, so I never thought of being married haha.
best advice i could give about “criteria for a partner” whoemever you’re comfortabel with dog.
choose a partner who is your teammate and best friend, someone you can be your worst self with.
focus on kindness, patience, respect and shared everyday moments over excitement or looks.
20+ years married.
Trust in each other and your intentions to each other. If you fight about petty things or are constantly questioning your partners intentions, marriage will make it worse. You have to believe in each other and test each other with respect.
“Which obviously would get lesser”
Ive been married 20 years. When you marry the right person, it gets greater.
Best advice: Marry a person who could be your best friend even if sex and intimacy were removed from the relationship. When you have that, you’ll never lose the sex and intimacy.
Together with my lady for 23 years and married for 18. What do married people do? Well you just live your lives the same as anyone but you get to do it with your best friend. We also have 2 kids which in the early days is a real handful. We get to share our worst and best experiences with each other. You always have someone in your corner supporting you and who is going to be there for you no matter what happens. It’s a great feeling. In terms of what to look for I would say find someone you can be yourself around and they the same with you. My wife is the calm center of my universe. I can be absolutely relaxed and secure with my wife in a way I’m not with any other person in the world. Look for someone who is loyal and honest, committed, and mature. And if you find a girl that truly loves you for who you are do not disregard her as she may be the greatest thing that ever happens to you.
Go run errands with your partner. Tells you alot about compatability.
Tonight we’re going to dinner, fooling around, then going to karaoke together.
Other nights we watch TV, play board games, drink beer and listen to music, go hang out with friends, take little weekend getaways together, go to a show or a bar, whatever.
Go paint shopping, watch paint dry, watch HGTV, Repeat
Both sides should always put effort into the relationship and themselves. Don’t get lazy. Don’t get comfortable. When I say comfortable, I mean having the mentality of “oh, I’m married, so I dont have to do “this” anymore.
I want someone with their own hobbies and sporadic interest in spending time. But also I like space and don’t do well with others
Life trajectories, goals, shared routines, shared interests
If you like the same shows, or the same music, or the same museums, or stores, or activities, you’re just going to hang out together more, build tighter bonds, have more shared experiences/life
She needs to be your best friend
You can have your time apart, but that shouldn’t be where you’re growing. Common projects are important
And can you trust her with just being dependable? Would you start a business with her, or is she irresponsible/does she make bad decisions?
Raising kids together ? That one task seems exhausting enough and to be a goal great enough to make a couple stick for years.
Shared interests, and, this is going to sound cliché, character, the shared interests in particular will give you a lot of shared time together and character will make you want to spend more time together no matter what.
I enjoy doing everything and nothing at all with my wife. From exciting fun overseas trips to mundane cooking and grocery shopping, and even just scrolling on our phones beside each other. It’s easy to find someone to share fun times with, but someone who makes mundane times enjoyable and bad times bearable is wife material