Background: I (33M) have one child (5M), for whom I share custody with my ex. I currently live in a 2-bed rental on a quiet street with a row of only 5 other houses along our road. I live on the end of the row.
About 6 months ago, I took in a package delivered for the house at the other end of the row. The package was a heavy box, containing a bag of dog food. Later that evening, the neighbour (38F) came to pick it up. I know she lives alone and offered to carry it for her.
She accepted the offer and thanked me, and as I carried to hers she kept commenting on the fact that I was being a ‘gentleman’ and it was good to see a ‘big strong man’ in action. Bit weird but meh, whatever – I’m not that big/strong, although I do go to the gym a few times a week to keep myself in shape. When I got it to hers, she insisted I come in for a glass of water and kept me there for an hour, just chattering on.
The same delivery has come (to me) every month since then. In the evening, she comes to collect, and I carry it over to hers. Each time, she will try to chatter away at me (inside the house, if she can coax me in; or on the doorstep if I can find an excuse not to go in).
Then last month, when she came to collect the package, my son was home with me. I couldn’t take the box up to her as I was making his dinner. She complained that it was too heavy to carry herself and that it would only take a few minutes. I refused, but offered to bring it up later that evening. She pouted and huffed and went home. Half hour later she posted a note through the door with her mobile number on it and asked me to message when I could bring it.
I had to feed my son, give him his bath, play with him, put him to bed… Once I’d done all that, I finally messaged her. She didn’t reply until the next day, telling me she had been tired and fallen asleep. Then a few hours later she sent through a long, rambling TIRADE. She told me I should have helped, that I was selfish, that I obviously hadn’t wanted to help her as I could have asked her to stay with my son while I carried it (fair point, though it just didn’t occur to me in that moment), and that if I really wanted to help her I would have messaged her earlier. This was all sprinkled with some very colourful language.
I was in complete shock. I apologised and said I would bring it to her that evening, which I then did.
Last week, the day came again for that parcel to arrive. And this time I refused to take it.
She came banging on the door later in the evening and screamed at me for not taking the package, that she now had to find a way to get it from the company depot and that it was going to cost her a fortune.
Now everyone along the street knows about it. Another neighbour (58M) has made it clear that he thinks I’m the AH and has threatened to complain to my landlord about my “un-neighbourly behaviour”. I really don’t think I’m in the wrong here. AITA?
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Background: I (33M) have one child (5M), for whom I share custody with my ex. I currently live in a 2-bed rental on a quiet street with a row of only 5 other houses along our road. I live on the end of the row.
About 6 months ago, I took in a package delivered for the house at the other end of the row. The package was a heavy box, containing a bag of dog food. Later that evening, the neighbour (38F) came to pick it up. I know she lives alone and offered to carry it for her.
She accepted the offer and thanked me, and as I carried to hers she kept commenting on the fact that I was being a ‘gentleman’ and it was good to see a ‘big strong man’ in action. Bit weird but meh, whatever – I’m not that big/strong, although I do go to the gym a few times a week to keep myself in shape. When I got it to hers, she insisted I come in for a glass of water and kept me there for an hour, just chattering on.
The same delivery has come (to me) every month since then. In the evening, she comes to collect, and I carry it over to hers. Each time, she will try to chatter away at me (inside the house, if she can coax me in; or on the doorstep if I can find an excuse not to go in).
Then last month, when she came to collect the package, my son was home with me. I couldn’t take the box up to her as I was making his dinner. She complained that it was too heavy to carry herself and that it would only take a few minutes. I refused, but offered to bring it up later that evening. She pouted and huffed and went home. Half hour later she posted a note through the door with her mobile number on it and asked me to message when I could bring it.
I had to feed my son, give him his bath, play with him, put him to bed… Once I’d done all that, I finally messaged her. She didn’t reply until the next day, telling me she had been tired and fallen asleep. Then a few hours later she sent through a long, rambling TIRADE. She told me I should have helped, that I was selfish, that I obviously hadn’t wanted to help her as I could have asked her to stay with my son while I carried it (fair point, though it just didn’t occur to me in that moment), and that if I really wanted to help her I would have messaged her earlier. This was all sprinkled with some very colourful language.
I was in complete shock. I apologised and said I would bring it to her that evening, which I then did.
Last week, the day came again for that parcel to arrive. And this time I refused to take it.
She came banging on the door later in the evening and screamed at me for not taking the package, that she now had to find a way to get it from the company depot and that it was going to cost her a fortune.
Now everyone along the street knows about it. Another neighbour (58M) has made it clear that he thinks I’m the AH and has threatened to complain to my landlord about my “un-neighbourly behaviour”. I really don’t think I’m in the wrong here. AITA?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to take my neighbour’s parcel after she was rude to me. In doing so, I’ve made it harder for her to retrieve the parcel, and she (and now my neighbour too) thinks I’m the AH as I should have just taken it and held it for her. Taking the parcel in makes no difference to me and I only refused because I thought she was rude before, so maybe I am the AH?
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
NTA
Everyone needs to receive their own damn shipments.
NTA. You’ve been bending over backwards to accommodate this person, and she was ungrateful and rude. Now she’ll have to deal with the consequences of that. What would she have done if you weren’t able to take her package in the first place?
NTA
NTA.
She has been giving an instruction to deliver it to your home since 6 months ago.
What if you were just not home?
She can have it left at her door (side door or behind something) going forward. Or she needs a rolling carrier.
NTA – you aren’t under any obligation to be a package-handling service. Tell your nosy 58M neighbor that he’s welcome to step in and help out by taking/delivering her packages.
NTA.
The audacity of this person to demand that you help her every time because you were kind enough to do it once. She’s acting like an entitled brat. If she wants to buy the dog food she can carry it herself. Just goes to show you that sometimes no good deed goes unpunished.
NTA
Neither leaving your 5yo unsupervised or being supervised by a woman he does not know (especially since it sounds like you don’t really want that woman in your house to begin with either) is unreasonable.
Sometimes people have responsibilities that come before being neighborly. Sometimes people realize that something has moved from them being neighborly to another person taking advantage of their generosity. You had responsibilities that superseded your ability to be neighborly at that particular point, and your neighbor revealed she didn’t acknowledge you were going out of your way to help her, and that she felt entitled to that help: aka, she was taking advantage. You stopped, which is an appropriate reaction.
Being a good neighbour works both ways. No need for her to be rude and demanding.
She’s not a good neighbour so no need to be neighbourly. And, as to the other neighbour complaining they can simply offer to take her to the depot, and put their address as an alternative delivery location if they are so incensed.
NTA
NTA redirect any packages coming your way to 58M. Do not help this woman again.
NTA. She purposely is having the package delivered to you. You don’t work for her. At first, I thought she was trying to date you. You should never leave a stranger with your child or in your house. To be honest, she sounds unhinged. Also any neighbors complaining are free to come and bring the package to her.
NTA – You did a nice thing that you were under no obligation to do, and not only did she take advantage of that, she got mad when you couldn’t do it because you were doing the thing you were obligated to do (being a parent). Her tirade nullified any polite social contract you may have made.
As for the neighbor, suggest to him that if it’s so unneighborly to not do it, he should take no issue doing it instead.
NTA, you offered to help and have done so for months. She should just appreciate it and leave it at that.
And you can tell the neighbour he’s free to help her, or stay the fuck out of it.
NTA – you did it at first as a kind gesture, but now she is taking advantage of you. Her packages are her responsibility at the end of the day.
NTA, she should just make sure they are delivered to her house
NTA and ask the nosy neighbor where in your lease it states that you are required to carry heavy packages for your neighbors. Then walk over to that leasing office yourself and have a chat with them about the strange lady screaming at your door and scaring your minor child about dog food bags.
The unmitigated gall. After the first delivery, I would have declined. She either needs to order smaller quantities, get another patsy or lift it herself. NTA.
It doesn’t matter that you’re NTA. It matters that other people might think you are. if anyone says anything to you, tell her that you’re happy to help her for six months and you carried it to her and one night you were watching your son and you couldn’t do it and she left your nasty note and you think it’s better for her to figure out her own package come up with a spiel like a little bit rehearsed a little bit practice and just use it if it ever comes up. As for her threat about telling the landlord use the same spiel with your landlord, but you can lean into the fact that you have a child you’re watching and say that watching your child comes first.
No. You are not the AH. Why is the package showing up at your house? Refuse to accept it and look at this as a blessing in disguise.
She can pack send. You’re not her personal UPS man. F that.
NTA and that neighbor can kindly suck an egg. Maybe share the note if you still have it with your other neighbor who thinks you are being a bad neighbor. You are under no compulsion or necessity to assist her. Maybe she should correct the address of where it needs to be delivered?
NTA she should’ve fixed the delivery situation after the first time
NTA. Then ask that other neighbour how refusing to take the parcel breaks the lease. That’ll shut him the fuck up.
NTA. You can give an inch and people will take a mile. Honestly it sounds like she had a one sided crush and invented a story around the dog food in her head that got crushed back to reality when your neighborly niceness wore thin. She invited you inside for water. She totally had a crush and is now butthurt the crush she invented in her head doesn’t exist.
ETA: typo
NTA
and you are all missing the obvious, she wants him. Why else does she now do it every time and try to make him stay to talk for an hour or more if she could. She must be leaving a note on her door to tell the delivery driver to take it to his address instead of leaving it somewhere, i doubt they have thieves in the area seeing as there are only five houses together.
She is now upset because he has basically refused her and her advances.
She was being creepy and ungrateful.
But why was the package delivered to you every time? Couldn’t you have told the delivery person where it was supposed to go?
I think maybe ESH
What you should have done from the get-go is ask her to tell the shipping company (or the company she gets the package(s) from) to deliver to the correct address. It sounds to me you were leading her on. But since you have other commitments her true self appeared. I’m going with NTA with a caveat. You could have prevented this.
NTA,
See r/ChoosingBeggars
NTA. It sounds like she was having it delivered to you on purpose so you’d carry it for her. She can always order smaller batches.
NTA
I stopped being that helpful good neighbor, when I signed for a neighbor’s package. The way that the apartment units are set up, it’s hard for a postal worker to get their attention or know where they are.
Turns out they were apparently going to reject the package so they didn’t have to pay for it. I guess they change their mind after they ordered it. So I had just done this awful awful thing to them.
But fuck, how is anyone supposed to know that?
NTA she’s just using you at this point just tell her to set it at get house’s address next time
nta she dog your help for granted