I (25F) have a six-month-old baby with my ex (24M), and we’ve been trying to co-parent since we split a few months ago but now he’s saying I’m being an “Asshole” for not telling him everything I do when the baby isn’t even with me.
We were together from high school (2015) up until recently. Our breakup happened shortly after I gave birth, when I found out he had been cheating with multiple women. His excuse? That I wasn’t being “sexual enough” postpartum and he had a “high libido.” Yeah… that was enough for me to walk away.
Since then, I’ve been rebuilding my life. I got more involved in my church, formed new friendships, and started feeling like myself again for the first time in a while. I’ve also done everything I can to keep things calm and respectful for the sake of our baby.
But now, he’s making it an issue that I don’t share details about my personal life with him. He says I should be more “transparent” and that it’s important for co-parenting. He wants to know who I’m hanging out with, what I’m doing, who my new friends are, even if I’m just out while he has the baby.
His reasoning? He tells me about what he’s doing, so I should do the same.
But here’s the thing: I’ve never asked him for any of that information. He voluntarily tells me, “I’m about to hang out with this girl,” or “I’ve been seeing someone new” even when our child is not in his care at the time. It’s his personal time, and I’ve told him I don’t need or want those updates. Yet now he’s acting like because he shares that info with me, I owe him the same level of openness, even though I’ve never requested it and it’s unrelated to our child.
He’s also been following some of my new friends on social media and asking me questions about them. My account is private, so I don’t know how he’s even finding them. I suspect he’s using a burner account or he’s viewing my church’s page who posts pictures of me and the people I hang out with at times.. I had to ask them to stop posting me (we have a photography team that takes pictures during service or after service and post them online for media purposes ) for a while because I believe he was using those posts to find my friends and follow them. He’s never reached out to any of them, but the whole thing feels really creepy and invasive. It’s crossing a boundary for me.
I’ve talked to some friends about this, and their opinions are mixed. Some say he has a point that we should be transparent with each other since we share a child. Others think he’s overstepping and that this isn’t part of normal co-parenting, especially since our child hasn’t met any of these people and I’m not dating anyone right now.
Even my mom is siding with him. She’s liked him since we were together in high school, and anytime we argued, she tended to take his side and ask what I did wrong. Now she’s saying I should be open about who I’m hanging out with, to better “co-parent”. That makes me question myself even more.
I’m not trying to be an “asshole” or difficult. I believe in healthy boundaries. If someone’s going to be around my child, I’ll share that. But just living my life and seeing friends when my baby isn’t with me? I don’t think I owe him a play-by-play.
So now I’m wondering AITAH for keeping parts of my life private from my child’s father when it doesn’t involve our child?
Comments
NTA
He is just trying to control you.
He doesn’t get to do that anymore.
NTA. You are required to talk with him about your child and your child ONLY. If he really feels this strongly about it, tell him to take you in front of a judge. Please record that hearing and post it so we can all laugh.
NTA
“No. From this point forward any words that come out of your mouth that aren’t directly about our child, will not be acknowledged.”
That’s intrusive and controlling. I would be very careful about revealing anything. If you start a new relationship, how is he going to handle that?
NTA. He’s being weird AF. It’s none of his business what you are doing, especially when you don’t have your child. He’s just trying to keep tabs on you & probably to see if you’re dating someone new. You need to use a parenting app to keep receipts of his behavior. Your mom’s an AH tho for sure. I’d put her on an information diet. I imagine whenever you start to date again, he will be even worse. Good luck.
He still wants his best friend from high school. (and to know what you are doing)
You need to tell him he’s betrayed you and you aren’t his friend anymore.
You are no longer friends like you used to be. You don’t want to hear his stories.
You aren’t going to tell him anything that you don’t want to.
You are not obligated and it feels like he’s trying to recapture the friendship you used to have.
That’s gone.
AND now it just feels like attempts to control you.
Also – if he starts telling you anything, put your hand up to stop him and tell him it is none of your business what he does.
Keep doing that or walking way or hanging up.
Good luck.
No no no. Only discuss your child with him. Period.
BS. Your mom is wrong. You are a strong, independent woman who is entitled to lead her own life. You do not owe an explanation to anyone, not your parents, your ex, or even your child. He’s a loser who can’t keep it in his pants. Let him show everyone he is the asshat he is. Tell your Mom that you are not available for any discussions about your parenting situation. Follow that with you are absolutely tired of criticism and blame. Put her on a strong info diet. In fact, remove anyone from your life who is not a cheerleader, the obvious exception being your ex. It sounds like you already have a good info diet in place with him.
I do not understand parents who do not support their children. Why is she so supportive of your ex but not you. That’s just shitty. NTA
Unless you are doing things that directly impact your shared child, your life is none of his business.
Dating? None of his business.
Learning how to make pasta? None of his business.
Dental work? Road tripping? Rebuilding a knucklehead? Etc. None of his business.
NTA
NTA but before you jump to it being some controlling behavior- you guys split recently after being together for ten years. You grew up together, you were the ones who shared everything for nearly half your lives. He’s probably just having a harder time adjusting to the change than you seem to be, which is karma for him really. Keep your boundaries firm while also watching for signs that it is something darker than that.
NTA! Coparenting has nothing to do with your personal life, it is specifically about having a healthy happy relationship for the child’s sake. Continue to tell him only what you want him to know.
Get the parenting app or only communicate by text
NTA – ITS A TRAP! lol but for real, he shares with you so he can manipulate you into tell him your business. (God forbid if you were seeing a dude, your ex will blow a gasket) I’d check my car for air tags.
Your mom can mind her own business. He CHEATED ON YOU. Is your mom okay that he was off wh@ring around putting you at risk to STDs??? my god.
Co-parent through one of those apps. Otherwise, be polite and cordial, but no reason to tell him spit. Thats a boundary and a healthy one. To make it easier get a formal mediation of child care. Like i.e. when you introduce kid to significant others and steps…amongst other things that are going to be a real pain with this guy who clearly thinks he still has a chance to get you back.
NTA You ex is simply jealous that you have moved on and he has lost control. He can think what he wants. Unless it has something to do with your baby it is none of his business who or how you spend your time. Good luck.
NTA he’s being controlling. He forgot that when you start screwing around behind someone’s back and they leave you because you are a worthless sack of shit, you don’t get to have access to their life any more.
Keep your life separate. I’d be asking him to stop sharing so much of his life with you. He’s toxic. It’s tough that you need to co-parent but keep yourself as separate as possible.
Your mother is a fool. If she shares details of your life with your ex then stop sharing so much with your mother, who should be on your team. Why isn’t she?
NTA.
He’s trying to force access to your life and control you. He doesn’t get to do either.
If he wants to tell you about the personal things in his life that have zero impact on your child and your co-parenting, that’s his choice. You don’t have to reciprocate.
When you’re out and about with your doing your thing when he has your child, what you’re doing, where you’re doing it, and with whom you’re doing it is none of his damn business and he needs to get used to it.
NTA, the only pertinent info he needs regards your child and that IT!!! Watch out for your mom too, not great that she’s promoting this behavior.
NTA.
Question: do you have a court approved parenting plan?
If not, get one. ASAP. And request to use the parenting app for communications. ANYTHING NOT child related… ignore. Period.
Your life is NOT his business. Especially when it does not pertain to your child.
NTA coparenting well only requires you both to be open and transparent about anything that involves your child. You don’t owe him any more than that
NTA. What he is trying to do is coercive control, which is domestic abuse.
NTA. Tell him and your mother: Divorce Means SEPARATE!! There is no way you need to tell him ANYTHING about your life!! He is just trying to spy and keep tabs on you and he has no right to know anything about your life but that you are being a good mother while your child is with you.
Look up and practice grey rock – the art of saying nothing. “wow’ ‘really’ ‘that’s weird’ ‘huh’ ‘interesting’ etc.
Your mom can F*CK RIGHT OFF!!
Nta. He’s goading you. He wants you to be jealous just like he is. Whenever he brings up irrelevant info just tell him “ I don’t care, only contact me if it has to with Baby.”
NTA he’s attempting to control you. What you do privately is no longer his business, he made sure of it when he cheated on you.
Your Mom sounds like an AH tbh, who sides with the man who cheated on her daughter postpartum?
NTA. Unless it’s about your kid, what you do with your life and your time is none of his business.
Get a parenting app that’ll log all interactions with him. Ignore anything not transmitted through the app.
It’s time to get a restraining order
NTA but turn the table ask him some very intrusive questions – who is he fucking right now – what he did today / this morning – how man girl he abused today etc
and ask your mother the same thing
till they see whats happen
You need to put up VERY firm boundaries with him. Limit your interactions with him as much as possible. You won’t discuss anything outside of your child, their schedule, wellbeing and any emergencies. You may need to look into “parallel parenting” with him because he’s way too controlling and invested in your life.
Get a co-parenting app and communicate through this only.
No hun. He’s telling you to brag about his life and demanding information to control yours. Ignore your mother, this is toxic. He no longer has access to this bit of your life. Be firm. NTA.
Girl tell him unless its about the baby he doesn’t need to know a thing. You could get fucked by Prince Harry and still, he doesn’t have to know shit.
Tell him if he doesn’t stop he will be blocked and all communication, and exchanges will be done by someone else.
You aren’t his friend.
Also your mom is an idiot.
NTA
I don’t see anyone saying this yet, so I will: He’s not oversharing about his personal time with you to be “more open” with you; he’s doing it to try and make you jealous, because he can’t grasp that you’re only a part of his life still because of your shared child. Since his plan to make you jealous isn’t working, he’s switched to a new tactic to try and manipulate you into getting back together. Stop responding to anything he says that doesn’t pertain to your shared child or the co-parenting of said child. If you can afford to do so, perhaps consult an attorney. Maybe there’s a way you can have it put in writing you can only communicate via parenting app? It may not stop entirely, but it could mean it’s made far more easily discoverable in court.
Based on what you’ve said about how your mom feels, she supports him in this, because she wants you back together, too. You’ve only written a few sentences about her stance on this one issue, so we can’t really speculate on your relationship with her as a whole. However, if this isn’t the first time she’s prioritized image and/or someone else’s feelings and boundaries over yours in a situation, you might consider going low contact with her, or, at the very least, stonewalling any attempt of hers to converse about the situation with your ex. You know where she stands on this, and it’s not with you.
Have your lawyer set up a parenting app for you guys to communicate through.
Keep ignoring his requests.
Ignore your mom and stop giving her any info about your life.
These people are trying to control you.
But please go to court and let your lawyers know what he’s doing that so it’s on record that he’s harassing you.
Do this in case he escalates his behavior. He’s already stalking your social media, who knows when he’s gonna start physically following you around.
Stay safe OP
NTA
NTA. Coparenting doesn’t require that level of information about your personal life. It’s not any of his business. This is him attempting to control you even though you two are no longer together. Put your foot down and be firm. Tell him it’s none of his business and if he doesn’t like that he can go kick rocks.
Your mother is siding with the guy that cheated on you with multiple women when you were pregnant and after you gave birth? Wow, just wow
Stop talking to your mom. If she can’t support you then she is a problem. Tell ex to f-himself, you don’t own him a damn thing. Start writing down all the creepy things he is doing, you may need it when/if he starts stalking.
NTA, and cut some of your mom’s access, too. She’s toxic towards you.
NTA. Get a court approved app that parents use to exchange information about their child. It’s used for that purpose only. He should not be contacting you otherwise.
Don’t allow him to control you. His only connection to you is the baby. Learn to gray rock. Keep your personal media private from him, his friends, his family, your mother and anyone who is not supportive of you.
Sorry but your mother is an AH and acting like a fool. She is not giving you any respect as an adult. She is not respecting your decisions. Go very low contact with her. Learn to gray rock. She has no business telling you how to coparent. Tell her to step back and learn her place.
Get a lawyer, go to court and get a court mandated custody order plus a Co-parenting app through which you communicate with him….also, fix child support while at it.
Without a lawyer and getting courts involved – there’s no “co-parenting”, only you living at his whim and mercy.
NTA
NTA but you need to start think about legal action, this can shift fast. This type of control is a major red flag and the people around you ignoring your concerns are not your people.
You do not own him anything and your personal life is NOT something he’s entitled to just because you share a child. Until that personal life crosses into the life with your child (Ex: you start dating someone but feel it’s time to introduce him to your child. You are under no obligation to tell your ex you’re dating or who until your ready to tell your ex -not ask if you can date this person or not, that you are dating and that’s not changing) your ex does not have the right to say who gets to be in your life not even your child’s to an extent. the man who cheated after you birth his child’s with multiple people wants to complain out you not being “transparent” 😂😂😂 you to be got to be kidding me. You need to take note of everything he says and does especially this online stalking he’s doing to you. Try and keep all communication in writing or recorded (check your state laws before hand) please look into legal assistance to help you and figuring out next best steps or what protections can be put in place for yourself. He will not try to stop controlling you do not expect his behaviour to change no matter what you say or do. Keep a track record. Talk to legal assistance. Good luck
It sounds like harassment. Report him for harassing you. If it continues you might be granted legal permission to move.
Your mom is also a problem. It might be good to get away from her as well. Rebuild your life sommelier else.
Updateme!
Updateme!
NTA. He has no business asking you to share anything not involved with actually co-parenting your child, and shame on your mother for telling you otherwise. Shut down any social media he can get access to and tell him that from now on, you will be communicating ONLY through a parenting app.
NTA. That’s normal co-parenting for exes who have a friendly relationship. Not a recently broken up couple with a long history. And even if it was a friendly break up, you still wouldn’t owe him that information. There is a reason they have communication apps to assist with split custody.
nta that is controlling behavior. He has no right to information about your private life. Get a family lawyer involved for true co-parenting because he will reveal his true colors once you get involved with someone he doesnt want you to be involved with. The lawyer should point you in direction for right legal ways to prevent him from abusing the co parenting relationship. As for your mom….she just shown herself to be blind to future abuses he can and will do. I would take her advice with a grain of salt.
Sounds like he’s grasping for the closeness he threw away. The only thing relevant to your co-parenting is who in your life will be around him or the baby. That’s all he needs to know about. If baby is safe and you’re transparent about what you’re doing when you have them, that’s enough. And definitely push harder on the ‘don’t tell me about your life’ boundary, because that’s what makes it feel like pushing for the relationship you no longer have.
Also sounds like mom is low-key an AH – near decade long history of automatically siding with him and assuming you’re in the wrong? Yikes
NTA…The only thing you need to be transparent about is your child and when you are dating someone serious.
Other than that, none of his business. And tell him to stop or you will seek the advice of an attorney for harassment. He does not need to know your friends or who you hang out with on your own time. That has nothing to do with co-parenting. And tell him the same. Until he is seeing someone seriously, you could care less what he does with his own life unless it concerns your child.
Your mother and those telling you that you have to tell him or anyone all about your life is bull crap. That is abusive behavior.
NTA. He’s trying to manipulate you and hurt you by telling you he’s seeing other people and he’s trying to manipulate you to tell him what you’re doing so he can control everything. You don’t owe him anything other than info on your child.
He tells you about what he’s doing? He wants YOU to be transparent? Where was his honesty and transparency when he was cheating?? And even when caught he didn’t take responsibility, he blames you.
You need to see a lawyer and learn your legal rights. He has no authority anymore. He chose to walk when he chose to cheat.
You broke up so you DIDNT have to put up with this Bullshit.
it is NONE of his business what you do. Im guessing you broke up because he’s a controlling asshole.
It will win down. I think it would be helpful to be familiar but not close to him
NTA. This is controlling and very concerning. Be careful he doesn’t hurt your child to punish you.
I’m wondering if your mom has hooked up with him. But NTA
NTA, I’d almost consider this harassment. You don’t owe this man a damn thing that doesn’t have to do with your child. Your life is none of his business. He is being incredibly invasive. Your friends that disagree are wrong and so is your mom. I can’t believe your mother is siding with him after he cheated on you. If I told my mom I was done with someone, she’d be on my side no matter what.
NTA. You need a custody agreement and a parenting ap for all communication. This is not ok.
Gray rock him. Give him no details. It’s not his business. Get the co-parenting app so all communication goes thru the app. Then you will have a record if (when) you go back to court. Lock down your social media. Maybe even deactivate. And great rock your mother too. Give her no personal details.
He’s telling you about his life cause he’s trying to make you jealous
He doesn’t have to know everything you do. Only exceptions is if your going to introduce your baby to a new partner
NTA. You only need to tell him things about your child. He’s no longer privy to information about you. And if you feel his behavior is over the line (stalking you, friending your friends, obsessing over your actions) get a restraining order.
NTA – sounds more like stalking at this point. It’s probably fine to ask who is spending time around the kid, but beyond that? Not his fuckin business
NTA. While it is true that some transparency should be there but only if it involved the child. Once you broke up he loses any right to your private life and you to his
He wants transparency from you post break up yet couldn’t keep his dick in his pants while with you and pregnant?!?!
He’s a fucking idiot. So is your mom
Tell him those are things you only have access to when you’re a loyal loving partner and seeing how he is exactly 0 of those things he doesn’t get access
NTA – He is an ex, he only needs to know about the child you share. It’s customary to notify the ex if you will be taking the child out of town but thats all the information you need to give him. If he is asking where YOU are when you aren’t with the child he is trying to control you. Eff that. He lost the right to have any say in your life when he decided to stick his dick in another chick.
NTA. Any life details that don’t involve co-parenting, are none of his business.
NTA. Your ex is being controlling and your mom sucks. Keep your life private and only share pertinent info about your child.
NTA.
The definition of divorce is that he has no involvement in what you do except for what affects your daughter anymore. Mr. open book wasn’t transparent that he was going to sleep with other women, was he?
NTA. It is none of his business if it doesn’t affect his child. He just wants to keep tabs on you, and is telling you his business to make you jealous. He’s a walking red flag, just be grateful that you don’t have to pay any attention to his bullshit
NTA
This is about control. You know it, he knows it. Co-parenting does not involve this, at all, end of story.
Tell him that he has NO right to ANY information that isn’t directly related to your life, and if he continues to throw tantrums about demanding information, you will refuse to have any contact with him at all that isn’t directly related to your kid. Then, ignore ANYTHING else he says. If it’s not about your child, don’t respond at all.
And tell your mother that you’re disgusted by how disloyal she’s been to you. This man cheated on you repeatedly. He risked yours and your baby’s health because he was selfish, and now, he is trying to abuse you. Your mother should be ashamed of herself. Warn her that if she continues to choose the wrong side, she will not be a part of your life going forward. Stop letting any of these people mistreat you.
NTA
You left for a reason, and he is still trying to control the situation.
Get a parenting app, use that as your only form of communication unless there is an emergency.
If you have not gone through the court system for an approved plan, do it now. It will be a quick “slap into reality” for him that life has changed and you are moving on.
It will also ensure boundaries are in place and enforced properly.
It is not his business what you do one a day to day basis, either with or without the baby.
The information he needs is about the baby, and that is it.
Can you go low contact with your mom?
I would not be surprised if she is telling him what is going on in your life.
Consider putting her on an information diet, limit what you say.
As for the church, tell them under no circumstances can they take your photo or upload it, that it may lead to more issues for you and you would like to avoid that.
Get an attorney. Have all conversations go through an app that attorney has visibility into and keep all communications through that app. Ask him to stop communicating with you in anyway outside of that app, and if he does so, send copies of that whether it’s a message and email or a voicemail to the attorney.
It’s time to get legal involved and a family app where all communication is routed through. NTA this guy is 10,000 red flags.
NTA. He wasn’t transparent during your relationship, give him the same reciprocation now you’re done with him (don’t tell him shit).
He just wants to know to know, and he’s trying to exert control through information.
I’m divorced with three kids that I had primary custody of. The only things we were required to discuss was our kids health, school, and anyone we were exposing our kids to. What each of us did day to day was no concern of the other. This was all ordered by a judge. He met my partner and I met his. When my ex and his second wife split she explained why to the boys and all was well. I’m still with mine.
All of this is to say you are NTA and anyone who thinks otherwise is TA. Do you have a legal custody agreement? If not you need one to stop your ex’s controlling behavior.
On another note, I can be petty and would have gladly given a play by play of my toilet time ; )
NTA. There is a clear difference between a co-parent and a crazy ex who stalks you! You definitely need to remove the kid-gloves with him. The baby is only 6 months old! Will he start terrorizing the kid for information when he/she is old enough to talk? His behavior is crazy. Now is a good time to feel uncomfortable and go through the courts. Don’t dismiss his level of crazy or how bad it WILL get. Tell your mom to butt the fck out, or you’re going no contact until she can prove she’s trustworthy! You don’t need someone close to you enabling his crazy. He cheated, then justified it with a lame excuse. He didn’t care about or respect your feelings. Of course, he’s “volunteering” this information because he’s angry you left. Don’t let him fool you. He’s crazy. He’s even stalking your friends! Warn them against accepting his friend requests and limit/block those who refuse to delete him or try to make a plea for him. Good luck, Sis, because you got yourself a bonafide whackjob.
Start using a parenting app and only discuss child related things. He has zero right to your personal life and information.
NTA. It has no relevance to his life, tell him to butt out.
So now you have to be open and honest with each other, but when you were a couple, it was okay to keep secrets? Its none of his business even if his child is with you.
It feels like he is trying to make you jealous of these girls or let you know he is popular, and then is using this to try to control you.
Your mother is an imbecile.
NTA, protect your private life.
NTA. Unless that person is around your child (like you are dating someone new) it is none of his business who you are hanging out with. He doesn’t need to know everything about you, he was the one who decided to cheat and get himself kicked out of your life. As in the life you have. You co parent with him for the sake of your child. If not for that child he wouldn’t have any information about what is going in your life so unless it directly affects your child it’s not his business.
NTA. Things concerning your kid – yes he has a right to know. What you do in your free time when your kid is not around – none of his business.
Look up grey rocking for your Mom. She’s going to stomp boundaries concerning your ex
He will use any information to control you or use against you in some way eg in a custody dispute. You should check for any spyware or surveillance he might already be doing.
He already proved that he wanted you occupied with childcare while he screwed around. Beware
NTA and if you took this to court even the judge would say it’s irrelevant
NTA. He is crossing many boundaries and is being inappropriate. Take him to court for child support and to get court orders on what is divided between the two of you (who makes what decisions and how the decisions are made etc..) Also use a parenting app for communications only. This way boundaries are established through the courts and you have recourse if he crosses them.
What happens on your time and your private life does not involve him. He doesn’t need to know any of this, even if he overshares.
Edit to add: your mom is flatly wrong and most likely his source of information. She needs to go on an information diet.
Nope. No way. He has no right to know what you are doing in your life or who you are friends with. Unless of course it’s putting the child at risk. (NOT saying you are!) what he does in his spare time is up to him and sane to you. The only thing you need to communicate about is the child and things relating to the child. He is not entitled to know about anything else. If/when you meet someone new, it’s up to you if you want to tell ex about them but so long as your child is not being put at risk it’s absolutely none of his business
NTA. If it doesn’t concern the child it doesn’t concern him.
You could cut him off, an information diet…OR give him too much info. How many people are at your church. Write down as many names as you can. Tell him you are spending part of your weekend with every single name you can think of.
NTA. He wants to know when you meet another man that you are interested in. Tell them to stop and if they give out information on you, you will go NC with them.
The only thing you need to discuss with your ex are issues that involve your child. You do not owe him anything else.
Definitely NTA‼️‼️‼️
Use a parenting app or text only as other commenters have suggested.
Whenever he starts to tell you what he’s doing firmly, tell him that you simply don’t care as long as the baby is safe and taken care of. Hang up if necessary.
ABSOLUTELY DO NOT SHARE YOUR PERSONAL LIFE WOTH HIM‼️‼️‼️. GO FULL NC WITH ANYONE WHO DOES, including your mom. Put her on a strict information diet. She obviously does not have your back.
Tell him that your only connection to him is your daughter.
Don’t be guilted or bullied by the flying family or friend monkeys into allowing him access to your personal life.
Learn to set firm uncrossable boundaries with him or anyone, and when they are crossed, there need to be consequences.
Best to you and your baby girl.
Updateme
It’s time to see a judge, ask to use one of those court approved apps and that they are for stuff about your shared child, nothing else
He’s trying to control you. Tell him he is being a stalker and that is not ok
He doesn’t respect you and he’s mad you’re giving him perfectly reasonable boundaries
Mine did this too. Fully block. Get an app for coparenting, grey rock if he talks about anything else.
Begs belief we catch them cheating and they get salty if we have a life outside their control. Be strong darl! Took me 10 years to peacefully coparent with mine. And we had three kids… nightmare! Jerry springer shit show.
NTA Just tell him you found a dude with the biggest dick you’ve ever seen and you’re hanging out with him and he’ll probably stop asking for details.
NTA He just wants to be up your ass like he’s still your bf lol. Anyone telling you this helps with coparenting clearly hasn’t done coparenting cause your extracurricular activities outside of your child is none of his business. Only way it would be is if you started hanging out with dangerous people or doing things that could affect your child negatively. You aren’t doing that so him and anyone who agrees with him can go kick rocks barefoot.
He is trying to make you jealous by telling you about other girls he’s fooling around with.
He is no longer entitled to any details of your life. You are no longer a couple. You are only co-parenting.
File for child support.
Get a parenting plan in place and only communicate through a parenting app.
His “sharing” is only meant to hurt you. If you want to crush him then just “grey rock” him and then remain completely rafio silent about your own life.
NTA if it doesn’t involve your kid then your ex doesn’t need to know, best you can do is repeat it every time he asks for info or gives unrequested info. Also just saying this level of obsession is either because he’s fishing for if your dating while he has the baby or he an abuser. I don’t know him so it’s your best guess. Do yall have a formal custody arrangement? Because just saying when I lived in Texas I was told by a cop that whoever has physical custody of the child doesn’t have to give to the child to the other parent if there isn’t something showing a custody order. If not he could refuse to give you your child if you refuse his ridiculous demand
Nope. Talk to your attorney about you & ex communicating only via app, & stick to it. That way you have a record of all of this. If he tries to call or talk directly, ask your attorney about the law recording him.
And put your mom on a personal news diet. She has no sense of boundaries if she’s OK with him being in your business.
It’s none of his business🙋🏼♀️
Nope. You are only required to tell him about the baby. It sounds like he wants to worm his way back into your life or keep control of you.
With all due respect to your mom, she is very very very wrong. Healthy coparents have boundaries.
NTA. Your line in the sand is reasonable – you’ll tell him who you’re with if they are going to be around your child for any significant time. Other than that – keep explaining that since you are no longer a couple, you no longer have to tell him where you are or who you are with. Keep repeating the same thing every time the subject comes up. Tell him that if that makes you an AH in his opinion, you’re okay with it. If he starts harassing you, you may have to get the court involved and only speak to him through an app. His behavior is creepy. Keep copies of all emails and texts he sends you because you may have to get the courts involved to formalize custody and what he can and can’t ask you.
NTA. It’s not about the baby, it’s about control. Don’t give it to him.
He doesn’t need to know anything about your private life. You only need to discuss anything relevant about the baby and beyond that, he can go eat a bag of dcks. He’s trying to control you and that’s raising red flags because you’re not even together. What happens when you’re ready to date again, if you’re not already dating? It’s your prerogative and nothing to do with him.
NTA. Unless you are planning to introduce a new love interest to the child, or perhaps moving, your day to day life is none of his business.
Stop saying I didn’t ask and say “Unless that person is around our child or someone you are going to marry… I don’t want to know.
I’m petty and I’d make shit up.
Oh hell no. You stop all this crap today and tell mom to butt out. You get a parenting app. Our Family Wizard or Talking parents. He refuses then you have your lawyer get it ordered by the court. You have a long way to go so this is the best route. Everything is documented and it will keep him in line. Your life is none of his business if it doesn’t pertain to that baby. Keep your mother at bay because she might think she should be telling him what is going on in your life.
Parenting app then changed your phone number.
NTA. I didn’t even need to read all this to know he’s just trying to control your life.
I’ve been peacefully co-parenting for a decade, and I tell that dude JACK SHIT about my personal life until it affects our kid. The same is true for him.
Why? Because neither of us cares who the other is banging.
You are not obligated to share all the details of your life with him. He thinks you’re not being transparent? Cool, cuz you’re not. And you’re not going to be.
Transparency is for husbands, not cheating exes.
He is really violating boundaries. He is using your child as an excuse to justify controlling you. He doesn’t want you to move on, and thinks the more he knows about your personal life the easier it will be to keep you under his thumb.
This might be uncomfortable for you but you are really going to have to assert and vehemently defend your boundaries. Mom’s opinion doesn’t matter and neither do friends/family.
I would tell him ”Look, I am all on board with co-parenting with one another, but there is no reason you need to know my personal life. There is no reason for me to know yours. This will not affect our ability to co-parent. These terms are non-negotiable.” And then let him know what you are and aren’t okay with it. If he’s got an issue with it, he can go to court and waste the judge’s time.
If he was Mr. TRANSPARENT he wouldn’t have cheated. He would have communicated with you when you were together AND given you more than a few months to heal and adjust to being a great mom before getting his d!ck wet.
You need a parenting app and that to be your only communication. Its not ok fir him to stalk you. And it sounds like your Mom is your snitch. Tell your new friends not to friend him and live your life.
If he’s trying to get back together, counseling and INTENSE APOLOGY is the only way. He sounds like a complete AH. Manipulative, gaslighter, and the fact that he’s lost control over you is painful.
He will use your child to get at you, and he will quickly find a “bang maid” to occupy his parenting time. Get some good boundaries in place….
Parenting app
No one around baby until 6 months of dating
Mom does not leak details
He doesn’t stalk you.
It would be interesting to bait him with someone your “dating” and control the feed to confirm your source.
NTA
He is trying to worm his way back into your life. He doesn’t need to know your every move. It won’t help him parent better. Ignore him. Ignore your mom.too, how dare she advocate for him as if he didn’t cheat!
NTA. Who you interact with, as long as they are not a threat or an issue to your child, is none of his damn business. Also, tell your mom that if she wants to side with your lying, cheating ex, that’s fine, but it’s going to come at the cost of her relationship with you. Refuse to talk to any of your friends and/or family about him. If they bring him up, tell them that you find it interesting that they think you should share everything with him, but he didn’t share that he was f’ing multiple other women, putting your health at risk. I’d also say that if you find out they’re sharing information with him, they’ll be cut off – including your mom. Do all communication through a parenting app. Only talk about your child. Shut down all other conversations or discussions. Your life, outside of your child, is not his business.
This is a control tactic. Dont tell him anything that is not directly related to your mutual child.
Um he didn’t tell you that hi he was “hanging out” with while you were together nice change now that you aren’t…
NTA. He’s using the fact that you 2 co-parent a child together as an excuse to keep tabs on you. He wants the access that he once had to you, and good for you for implementing boundaries. Communicate with him only when necessary as it relates to the child and get a custody order if you haven’t already. You may need to consider going LC with Mom if she continues to take the side of an entitled manipulator.
nta he’s full of shit and isn’t entitled to those details.
NTA – Tell mom to stop supporting a cheater.
I refuse to believe your mother sides with him. What mother sides with the man who cheated on her daughter just after she gave birth to her grandchild? If this is true I would tell her to get her priorities in order.
He’s jealous of the life you’re building without him. He’s following your friends as he hopes to find out if you’re seeing someone new. He tells you about new girls he’s seeing as he hopes you’ll be jealous and want him back.
You owe him no transparency about your friendships. Just grey rock him. ‘Ok yeah’ ‘right you are’ ‘I’ll have a think’ etc and always end conversation first ‘I have to go now’ etc.
NTA. What you do on your off time is none of his business. The next time he asks what you’re doing, give him an absurd answer. You’re joining the traveling clown circus. You’re becoming a Gypsy and will be reading tarot cards at the next town hall meeting.
NTA
He’s so far beyond the line he’s in another country
That is not in any way normal and the only reason he is telling you about his dates and everything is a very pathetic attempt at making you jealous because you dumped him. He’s seen that your happier and have friends and are living a life and he doesn’t like that.
He thought you’d go crawling back, begging for him back after you saw that he was with other women. Like dude, that’s why she dumped you in the first place!
Get a court ordered schedule in place and child support. Document everything. It’s going to help because I feel he’s the type to get nasty when he doesn’t get what he wants.
Be careful.
Is this wanker off his bloody meds?!?!
NTA. NO OBLIGATION BEYOND YOUR SHARED CHILD. PERIOD.
NTA. I’d be willing to bet money that your mom is giving him info. Low contact and an info diet for your mom. Info diet for your ex and communicate only through a coparent app. Even verbal communication. “For documentation purposes: this morning we verbally discussed such and such and you also told me about blah blah blah”. Every time.
NTA; You owe him information related to your child together, information regarding logistics for your child and nothing else.
He picked to step out of your relationship, he crashed that ship onto the rocks by his own free will.
It’s his way of still having you as well as all his new conquests- wants a “stable”of women to answer to him and make him feel like he’s all that.
His request is bullcrap. Now he’s not privy to the inner workings of your life, he’s looking for some way to control you. I agree is it’s something that impacts your child, then he may need to be warned. But he’s being intrusive and creepy. Keep by your boundaries. Back it up with your actions – eg walking away when he tells you stuff and saying you don’t care. Saying it’s none of his business when he asks you questions. He lost the right to know your intimate details when he screwed other women at a time you were vulnerable. The only obligation you have is to your child and therefore in his role as your child’s father. Nothing more.
Your mum needs to sort her priorities out and realise you are her daughter before his is anything. NTA
you’d be a fool if you talked about anything other than the child you share.
He wasnt transparent about cheating on you but now he wants you to be transparent about who you socialize with? What a joke. I get wanting to know if there are potentially “unsavory figures” around your child, but I doubt that is what this is about, and as he has proven, one can just conceal the part of one’s lofe that one doesn’t want to show.
NTA. He list all access to any information that doesn’t directly impact your child.
I’m petty I’d have fun with this and be telling him all about the orgies I’ve been going to and getting spit roasted by 2 ransoms from xyz bar I went to
NTA I would just communicate with him about parenting through one of the many available apps. Everything is documented that way and it’ll be easier to keep him in check.
His time to be transparent was when he was cheating now it’s to late. He just wants to control you and maybe get you jealous. He has no right to your personal life until it affects the baby as in you are going to live with someone. Friends, dating and life is none of his business. That is what breaking up is.
NTA
He’s feeding you information in attempts to make you jealous.
He’s jealous to not have you anymore yet is too immature to actually do anything productive about it.
Toxic “co” parents like this behave this way because they want to break down the other coparent in attempts to control them because unfortunately, it works quite often.
💡My sister used a co-parenting ap. It will provide good documentation for the custody agreement. Text about the kid only. Ignore any info requests that are not about the kid. A simple MYOB response is perfect. 🤷Your mom may want her grandkid’s bioparents to get back together. 🚩DON’T HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A CHEATER.
Nta. That’s really controlling.
I can see being concerned about who you’re around with the baby, but you don’t have to share even then. (Having rules about sleepovers and potential partners is different and sometimes in custody agreements).
Paragraph 7 is exactly why you do not need to do any of this. You do not have to tell him who every single person in your life is. You only need to advise him when you’re in a serious relationship where you’re introducing that person to your child.
He doesn’t get to guilt you into indulging since weird obsession he has with you. He doesn’t get to control you. Let him waste his time, money, and effort in the courts.
NTA
He is trying to control you in a very wierd way.
He is your ex, what you do when you do has nothing to do with him.
To be honest what you do when you have the child is non of his business really.
Unless it something out of the ordinary.
I mean if you are travelling or the child is sick, you let him know – of course.
I have co parented for 15+. Unless it has been something out of the ordninary we have not reported this to each other.
( the younger the child is the more info one does have to share of course)
Anyway, he has no right to the information he wants. He couldn’t handle a periode of little sex after you gave birth, he deserves nothing.
Nta
Edit:
After reading one more time.
he is kinda giving stalker wibes following your friends
he is trying to make you jealous by telling you about his new girls
you need to show you friends and mom this and wake them up. Are they stuck in some 1950s nigthmare? Do they think becuase you are the mother of his child you somehow owe hime anything? Do they not get what that creep did to you?
While you were home with å newborn baby, he was mr.manchild out and about putting his ding-dong into any woman who said yes? And they think that you owe him your privacy? Honestly, they make me sick. As a mom I would never treat my daughters (or son) the way your mom treats you. The disrespect is insane. And your friends? Listen, I have been cheated on and by god if they had sided with him over me that friendsship would be gone and away.
you are so strong and you know your worth. Keep following what is right for you.
write down everything this a-h does and say and screenshot texts. And make a good leagal costody agreement.
Seems like he’s not over you and wants to insert himself in your life. The only thing you need to discuss with him is your child. If eventually you find a partner that you would like to introduce to your child. I would let him know. Other than that ignore his texts unrelated to the child and do not answer any texts/calls that are related to your personal life. He lost that privilege when he betrayed you. You can also get parenting app and use that to communicate regarding your child.
I‘m sorry that your mom and some of your friends are causing you to doubt yourself. You are 100% correct – your ex is completely overstepping any normal boundaries. He sounds jealous and controlling. He has NO right to know anything about your life outside of your baby.
Your mom is a problem, because I wouldn’t trust her not to tell him things that you don’t want to share with him. It seems obvious she wished you came back together – which is ludicrous after his horrible behavior towards you
NTA
I’d shame my mother.
Do you condone cheating? Tsk tsk mother.
It’s a control thing. You broke things off, so he wants to control you any way he can. Anyone who agrees with him can go kick rocks because they obviously do not know what healthy boundaries are.
Nta, in fact, if you really want this relationship to work, you NEED to establish healthy boundaries. Unless you have a history of hanging out with drug addicts or other people that could pose a threat to your kids, but considering these are church friends, that doesn’t appear to be the case.
I think what would be appropriate is for him to get to know about any long term romantic partners that will spend time with your child. Even that is a privilege. He does not get to veto your relationship (he will try) he gets to be made aware only and only if he learns to respect boundaries.
NTA, he wants you to tell him everything to cover for his past BS. A man who cheats, will search every detail of his of their ex’s lives to make them feel better about what they did.
Nta. He lost all access to your life when he cheated.
Ask mommy who she cheated on dad with for siding with a cheater? As in my personal experience those who sides with cheaters are cheaters. Every time.
You need a formal custody arrangement through the courts and to have all communication go through a parenting app.
He’s trying to stalk your new life without him. He has no right to any of that information other than as it relates to the baby.
He’s acting jealous, & he’s mad you broke up with him right away (kudos btw) instead of letting him manipulate you into staying with him. Now he wants to try to control aspects of your life he has no right to, & he’s keeping tabs on you. He’s also rubbing other women in your face- not to be “transparent”, but to be hurtful. And probably hopes to make you jealous as well.
I’d cut off anyone taking his side, especially your Mom. How can you trust her? She’ll probably go behind your back & give him details about your life that you don’t want him to know. Only a P.O.S. mother sides with her daughter’s lying, cheating, ex.
He sounds like he could enter into stalker territory. File for custody & child support asap. Get court ordes in place, & maintain communication only through the parental app courts use, & keep convos only about the kid. Ignore anything else he wants.
You should get a formal custody agreement if you don’t already have one. Then only communicate with him through a parenting ap. If he contacts you outside of that, ignore him.
Get one of the coparenting apps and stick to communicating via that and about parenting only.
He wasn’t be “transparent” with you when he was cheating on you with different women. He has no right to demand information about your activities now that you are divorced. NTA
NTA– he can go pound sand. You’re not his puppet.
Your ex might be dangerous.
Use a co-parenting app. The only conversations the two of you need to be having is about the kid. Everything else is irrelevant. You two are not partners anymore, he is no longer entitled to all info about you. If he wants to share, he’s welcome to(and we all know hes only sharing to get a reaction out of you) but he doesn’t get to unilaterally decide what kind of relationship the two of you have anymore.
As soon as he knows you’ve started dating someone he’s going to call you a “ho”.
Put all of those people on an information diet, they don’t need to know anything about you either. He’s a stalker. You may need to get the courts involved and make him use a parenting app so that communication is transparent to the judge
NTA – “you my darling ex are on an information diet. You lost the right to ask me any personal questions when your dick was in someone else.”
(Yes this is graphic, but necessary. You’re going for shock and awe. It will hopefully shut him up.)
When he starts telling you who he’s with say like a little kid with your fingers in your ears “nananananna I don’t want to hear this. We aren’t friends. We are co-parents.”
If your mom gives you grief, be just as graphic. “Hmmm he didn’t seem to care when his cock was inside a bimbo, while I was having our child.”
Followed by “stop defending a cheater or I will put you on an information diet.”
Why so aggressive? Because the two of them will continue to escalate their invasion of your privacy. They both probably hope you will reconcile.
DON’T
Absolutely not. Co parenting only means u communicate when it comes to ur baby. I was a divorced mom with 2 kids years ago so I know. Only time I would share is if u got serious about someone and that person going to be a step parent with u. I dont know iw what ur moms deal is but I do NOT agree with her. He chose to act like a man of loose morals.
You might want to look into a co-parenting app. All communication goes through the app and be clear that you’ll ONLY communicate about your shared child. Stop trying to be nice about it…he’s trying to control your life and it’s not ok.
NTA. You aren’t together and your life isn’t his business any longer.
Interesting that it is important that you be ‘transparent’ with him now that you are separated but he couldn’t manage faithful to you when you were together.
This smacks of coercive control, you should be aware that most highest risk of violence/murder for a woman is during pregnancy, after giving birth and when she had ended/is talking of ending a relationship.
NTA, please protect yourself and your baby.
Nta. He is trying to control you and your every move. Block him from talking to you on anything but a parenting App. He doesnt need to speak to you about anything other than the baby.
NTA. And your mom is really, truly wrong. Probably, you should use those parenting apps and keep records.
NTA and absolutely not – get a formal custody agreement, child support and us e applos or Our Family Wizard only
Info: Any chance he is getting information from your mother?
NTAH
Get a lawyer involved and only communicate through the parenting app.
NTA. It’s none of his business who you hang out with Especially when you don’t have the baby
“Yeah I’m not going to be offering any considerations to the guy who’s been cheating on me. Thanks for asking though”
OP do a deep review of your privacy settings as you may not have your profile as locked down as you think you do. The 2 settings I enabled are reviewing posts I have been tagged so you can either leave as is or untag yourself and restricting views to friends only.
NTA. He’s not your boyfriend so it’s none of his business. All that matters is if you date someone new and want to involve your kid, then I think it would be good to inform him you’re introducing your kid. Otherwise it’s none of his business, especially when you don’t have baby with you.
You don’t owe him anything about your life. Just talk about the child you have together and that’s it.