My partner (28M) revealed that he always felt jealous of me (26F). What do I do?

My boyfriend (29M) and I (26F) have been dating for 2.5 years. I would describe our relationship as really peaceful and gentle for the most part. This is something that I value a lot since I grew up with parents who had a ton of explosive and angry fights growing up.

Now, my boyfriend isn’t the most talkative person. He has struggled a lot with opening up to me and being vulnerable. Our conflicts revolve around that 100% of the time. He never really asks any questions about me and doesn’t really know how to keep a conversation going. I do most of the brunt work when it comes to building connection, intimacy and I am the one addressing issues within our relationship and initiating repair if necessary. And boy, was it necessary for the past year.

He engaged in emotional affairs with at least 3 women from his past and when I found out I left him for about 6 months. I always had a hunch that something went on but he gaslit me into thinking everything was fine. In the time we were apart he got therapy and desperately worked to rekindle our relationship. I took him back and things were alright for a couple months. We had to built trust from scratch but for some reason it genuinely seemed like he was working against me. Breaking promises, telling white lies, not informing me of his whereabouts. When confronted he would always apologize perfusely and promised that he would be better and that he needed time to learn how to be a good partner.

When we went out with friends he would make it a point to show them that he wasn’t even that into me and he routinely prioritised others before me. When we were with his family he would chime in whenever someone would make fun of me and when he didn’t do that he’d ignore me. Whenever I expressed discomfort he would again apologize and beg for forgiveness. There are a thousand other examples of this sort of thing happening. I know he sounds abusive as hell but in private he is an absolute angel. He makes sure he cooks for me, cleans for me and that all of my physical and material needs are met. He will go out of his way for my comfort and pleasure. It is whenever other people are involved he turns into this insecure individual that I don’t even recognize.

I felt myself becoming insecure and anxious as our relationship progressed. I am a confident person and I am quite attractive. It was often pointed out to him that I’m out of his league. I personally never cared about that stuff. As time goes on I am developing self-esteem issues that were never there before because I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong that he feels compelled to treat me this way. Like he’s embarrassed of being with me, like he settled for me, like he doesn’t even like me. None of that makes any sense to me, one because whenever I bring the issue up he assures me over and over that he doesn’t mean it and that he doesn’t know why he does it himself and that he loves me more than life itself and two because I am beautiful, smart and kind. I know these things about myself so how come I don’t feel like it anymore?

Last night I confronted him about this yet again and I wasn’t going to take “I don’t know why I do it” for an answer. After applying quite a bit of pressure he finally revealed that he feels envious of my confidence. He said that he was always terrified that I would one day leave for someone who’s more attractive than him. That is also why he sought validation outside of our relationship and why he was trying to create the narrative in public that I’m not that important to him. He wanted to make sure that when the “inevitable” happened that he’ll be socially and emotionally safe. He promised that it wasn’t some calculated move on his part, but that he genuinely acted out of fear and emotional immaturity. He said he never loved anyone like he does me and that that terrified him so he sabotaged our connection.

Once again, he promised me he would change and he would make sure he will work on it. I don’t know if our relationship is salvagable at this point. I don’t know whether to give it another chance or if it’s time to end this relationship. I love him and I feel for him but I’m also incredibly hurt. With this post I’m hoping for some feedback from people who have been in this situation before as either the envious or the envied partner. Any other kind of feedback is of course appreciated as well!

Thank you <3

TL;DR Partner revealed that his envy of me drove him to emotional alienation and infidelity. He is like a different person with others around, but in private he is the perfect guy. Do I stay or do I go?