My partner (F27) wants me to spend the day with her friend someone she used to hook up with years ago. They even got matching tattoos back then. She’s assured me that nothing is going on now and that their fling ended because her friend wasn’t interested in anything more.
I want to believe her, but I’m still uncomfortable with the idea. Her friend already planned a whole day for us to hang out, and I feel guilty for wanting to cancel last minute I don’t want to come off as rude or insecure. But internally, I’m losing my mind over this. I don’t know what to do or how to approach it without causing tension.
Comments
If you’re uncomfortable and she’s considerate, she won’t make you guys meet.
If she’s inconsiderate, then it’s time to find someone else.
Matching tattoos with an ex hookup? Your discomfort is totally valid here, not insecurity.
Leave. Why on earth are you still with this women .
You fucking ditch this girl – might hurt now, you’ll thank yourself later.
Self respect is a hell of a feeling.
Anyone that you are intimate with is no longer a friend. A line was crossed. She’s asking you to be okay with her bringing her ex around. Doubt she’d be good with it if the situation was reversed. That or she doesn’t care enough
I would say that you don’t want to meet up with her ex. If she doesn’t understand, it’s time to move on.
This is bad drama, cut her lose and find someone who does not play games like this
Do you have an ex you could bring along ?
lol
whut?
not “naw”, but “hell naw”.
I can’t see any good coming out of you going to hangout with your girls x…it’s making the door come open for them to start back talking again…”did you have fun with…”
Why is she still in contact with him??? No reason for her to have any relations with him
I find in life steering clear of these type of woman have caused me a greater overall happiness in life
Everyone is different. I know couples who don’t mind when one is still friends with an ex. I don’t understand why you have to hang out together an entire day? That seems like a lot. I don’t think anyone would blame you for backing out. Just tell your partner, “I’m not really up for this, but you go ahead and have fun.”
a whole day??? 8 am til 8 PM?? No one wants to spend more than 3-5 hrs with anyone.
This is a definition of how your relationship has ended.
Run run run
Red flag. I wouldn’t trust her with an ex.
You are a 20 year old lesbian, according to your other posts. And you just met this woman? She’s been your girlfriend for all of two weeks, or something? I would just roll with it. If you don’t want to hang out, don’t. If you feel more comfortable, meet them at the end of the day. Or just don’t go at all.
What is it with all the immaturity here? It’s totally reasonable and fine to remain friends with someone like this, up to and including long term partners or even spouses.
Go hang out, see how it goes, and then decide if it still makes you uncomfortable.
Reddit always assumes the worst in these sorts of threads and I just don’t get. Mature, reasonable adults figure this stuff out, move on, and can still be platonic friends.
lol this sounds like a Seinfeld episode.
Honor your feelings rather than worrying about what others will think of you which isn’t your business…
FYI- I wouldn’t do this nor ever ask my partner to do this——
Lol what’s with people thinking someone wants to hangout with a person that literally used to fuck their partner. I have zero desire to associate with said person
From my experience he’ll show up with his new girlfriend who’s way hotter and you can be friends with her.
RUN. Been there. When a girl I dated INSISTED I be friends with the ex she dated right before me. It was the most awkward thing in the world to sit at a dinner where his dumb ass was basically hitting on her the whole time. Women don’t fathom why this is the worst idea of all time.
Didn’t take long before I caught them together. RUN.
She wants a ménage triage.
Communication approached with assertive emotional honesty and verbal respect. If the relationship with your partner is based on exclusivity, then that’s the way it should be. Present your expected values. You are directly responsible for how you are treated in any relationship.
If they had only a fling, how do they have a “real” friendship now?
Cmon man. Have some dignity.
I would not engage with that at all. There are so many avenues for this to go wrong. Save yourself for someone who cherishes you.
This is insane. Tell her to f@#$ off.
Issue 1: you def don’t need to go for any amount of time,.nevermind a full day
2: you gotta talk through your feelings with your partner and see what comes of it. I don’t hear you wanting to issue an ultimatum or anything. But I do hear lots of pain and uncertainty. Discuss it. This is a lot to take in even though you are “included”
She is testing you to see how far she can push the limits and get away with it. Unless you speak up now and shut it down then it will only get worse from here on out. I’ve been through this same shit and it never ends well. I would just leave now while ahead like everyone else says.
wtf is the point in this?? Does she want you to be a cuck?
I understand being young and considering doing it. I really do. But as an older person, I can tell you that you’ll likely regret it.
You don’t want to hang out with this person who used to sleep with your girlfriend. You know what? That’s ok. That’s actually normal. And you do not have to do it. She should not make you do it. You do not need to be friends with him. In fact, she shouldn’t be friends with him either. She’s with you now.
If she doesn’t understand this, leave her. Hard truth is she’s very likely trying to keep this guy around…as a backup plan. Trust your instincts. They’re almost always right.
So, is this your typical dynamic? She wants you to do something and you just do it? She says jump, you say how high?
Go meet him, give him a firm handshake and look him straight in the eyes. If he tries to squeeze your hand like he’s trying to exert dominance = red flag. Or if he can’t make eye contact like he’s trying to hide something might be a red flag or he is just really shy. The later you’ll have to determine for yourself.
I’ve got a couple decades on you and I’m still friends with an ex from 25 years ago. My wife has met her. I know other people that have remained platonic friends after they’ve called it quits. Take my experience as you will. You do what you feel is right for you.
She wouldn’t be for me