I recently set a boundary with a family member who has been overstepping for a while. They’ve been calling me at all hours, dropping by unannounced, and demanding a lot of my time. I politely told them I need some space and time to focus on other things, but they got really upset and accused me of being distant and selfish. I feel like I have a right to set these boundaries, but now I’m questioning if I might have been too harsh. Was I wrong to do this, or is it just normal to need space from family?
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I recently set a boundary with a family member who has been overstepping for a while. They’ve been calling me at all hours, dropping by unannounced, and demanding a lot of my time. I politely told them I need some space and time to focus on other things, but they got really upset and accused me of being distant and selfish. I feel like I have a right to set these boundaries, but now I’m questioning if I might have been too harsh. Was I wrong to do this, or is it just normal to need space from family?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Because I am overthinking if what i did is right or wrong now that i did it
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Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.
INFO: We need ages, relationships, and living arrangements. Are these parents, siblings, children? Are you living independently, or with other family members?
NTA. I’m wondering what is in your background that you’re unsure whether it’s okay to set boundaries around what you’re comfortable with (family or not)?
Nope you are completely in the right. People need to learn boundaries cause I also just got out of a similar situation except it was with a coworker. Don’t let this person manipulate you into feeling bad.
NTA
People who have problems with you setting a boundary want to be able to continue manipulating and using you. Stand firm, OP.
NTA. The fact that this person is so bothered by your boundary shows just how much you needed it.
It’s 100% ok to set boundaries with family members. In fact, it’s healthy to do so. NTA
NTA
Put them in a group all by themselves, set the ringtone and messaging tone for that group to silent.
Don’t bother listening to the messages they leave or reading the texts they send unless you are in the mood to do so.
And do not let any of it get to you – if it’s rude, accusatory, offensive or annoying, just ignore it.
If they show up at your doorstep, simply tell them without opening the door that you are not able to entertain visitors at this time and ask them to leave.
If they refuse to do so, that’s on them, they can sit there and cool their heels on the front step for hours if they like.
However, if they start to become violent or threatening, call the cops.
NTA
But it’s a lot easier when you don’t give out your number or address in the first place.
If they are an adult, and not your child, NTA!
NTA, anyone deserves boundaries from anyone, family members don’t get a free pass to be up in your business because they have the same blood.
NTA
Try to remember, people that need boundaries set with them will rarely be happy it’s happening.
NTA clearly they’re the selfish one. They expect you to be on call 24/7